The female. Vs The Male – Midlife crisis

Firstly, what is a midlife crisis?

Carl Jung identified this as a normal part of maturing, a peak of adulting, we climb up the stairs of age, and then we peak and plateau, and life becomes a tad dull, we don’t know what to do, or what to expect? Is the only way off this landing, down?

It’s a feeling of ‘we want to be young and down with the kids’ but realistically we are neither young or old, we are in the middle, and we don’t want to see that, feel that, believe that.

Often seen as depression, we are at an emotional transition in life, taking a view of where we are, what we have achieved and a glance into where we are heading.

The Male midlife crisis over the years has been called the Porsche era, a man will start to look at his younger friends, and want what they have, being a dad, living the 2.4 lifestyle scares them, the realisation that this is life, starts to bare down on their dad bod, so they try and hit the gym to prove that their 38 year old dad bod, can still look as ripped as their 28 year old saturday night hang-out buddies. They start to look at their wives and mothers of their children thinking ‘Is this it?’ , is this the woman I should be with, and they start to develop the ‘mid-life ego’ and start to want to date, childless 26 year olds.

As a woman with many younger single friends, the stories I hear of 40 year old men, trying to step-mum off 26 year olds, just blows my mind. It makes me realise just how selfish men can be when they think with their dicks.

My girl won’t mind me using her story, but my friend is 28, stunning, pre baby body, no ties, decent job, no baggage, no emotional instability (she hides it well, she stalks and has bad mental health days like every other woman, but he deems her as private, she’s perfect! However, her man who is 39 has expressed he may consider another child, may….. and so she has told him, she isn’t fussed about kids, and may decide on one.. but really (I know her well, and trust me I have been her before) , she wants 2-3 kids, but she loves older men, the stability, and she happily plays step mum again, second time around for her, until soccer drop offs, and becoming tea becomes too much, and festivals and holidays start, then being step mum, just doesn’t have the same love when summer hits.

I was 31 when I met 44 year old Manuel and 45 year old Bruno, successful, millionaires, living the dream, but they didn’t want children, and so at 31 I didn’t think I really did, so I was happy telling them I didn’t want kids either. I wanted a future, especially at the time with Manuel, he was the epitome of James Bond crossed with Jude law, likewise, Spanish and Irish mixed, with a posh english accent, an Aston martin and oh my goodness, did that man look good in a tux, he was what every young woman who likes older guys, would crave, and no weird Christian grey shit, just a hot guy and hotter sex. It was defiantly a fantasy fuck, the same with Bruno my hot Austrian captain, with the best penthouse overlooking JBR. My life in that year was probably one of the best in my life sexually, but at the time, was I really willing to sacrifice not having children for love, lust? At the time I didn’t mind, but at 31, I didn’t know what I wanted, and I for sure couldn’t have lived that life, if they’d have had children, knowing I would be bringing up their children and not my own, or perhaps persuading them to have one more? Maybe? Deep down I knew, after the fun wore off, resentment would have set in.



We can’t fight a guys mid-life crisis, we have to let them do their thing, until they wake up one day, and think yep i’m 40. For those of us who have a partner going through this, the signs will be there, the questioning of life, the quietness, the second glances at other women, the ‘I can still dress on trend’ , the ‘I’m still fit enough to cane the gym and play football every week’ .. and what do we do?



Now what is the female mid-life crisis ? How does it differ, I mean does it even differ? We are midlife, wen again, want to be young, but not, we want to wear short skirts, but they now need to be an inch or two longer, we refuse to cut our hair short, (we are not 65 yet), but the difference being, us women, Know the signs, and what is happening, we aren’t like men, we accept it, and we embrace it. We are inbetween seven year cycles, we hit a sexual peak at 35, our bodies and minds evolve mid 30’s and we become different, how we act, think, fuck, once we hit 35, the game changes we start to think of ourselves, for the first time in all the years, we fuck to please ourselves, we start to work harder on our bodies, we start to crave more sex, and unlike men, its not directed to someone ten years younger, its to anyone we find sexually appealling, age irrelevant, as long as they can keep up.

Women also become more open, more open with feelings, emotions and not afraid to show they’re passionate and feisty. We are no longer that young girl, that stays quiet and becomes a yes woman, to please her man, we are present.

‘Every man wants a woman with a big heart, but what men don’t understand is a woman with a big heart, comes with BIG emotions. She is passionate, she cares, she gets sad, she gets impatient, and she loves you like no other. You can’t have a woman with a big heart and expect her to have small emotions’

This quote rings so true, if you’re used to dating younger women, then can you really handle and older more confident woman?? A man who is insecure, or facing his own midlife crisis, will not be able to handle a confident woman his own age, but a man who has passed the man-child phase will.

So if men around the 40 mark are dating and marrying off 30 year olds, who should us 40 year old women be dating? Do we date younger, do we date older? Do we stay where we are and date the same age? Do we want more kids? Younger guys means, 80% want for them to have their own kids? Can an older guy take on our kids, a younger guy take on our kids? I mean do we date men with kids, without kids? Does it even matter? Right now my own mind is in mega overdrive, do we over think this?

At 38 years old, I met my mid-life crisis with a bang, the reigns of a relationship tired me, being a size 18 saddened me, post natal depression over-powered me, and grief of loss, consumed me. I crashed and hit a wall, I needed to change me, my world, my future.. and I let my midlife crisis flow, and wow what a 2 years it has been…..Ssssh the rest is secret!