The Evolution of a Woman: Redefining success in 2026

There is something incredibly powerful about walking into a room full of women who genuinely want to see one another succeed.

As I sat surrounded by other female entrepreneurs, business owners, professionals and creatives at a networking event yesterday, I found myself reflecting on just how much the world has changed. The conversations weren’t about competing with one another. They weren’t about who earned the most money, who drove the nicest car or who carried the newest designer handbag. Instead, they were about sharing ideas, opening doors, celebrating achievements and encouraging one another to take the next step.

It made me wonder whether we’ve quietly witnessed one of the biggest social shifts in modern history.

Forty years ago, the opportunities available to women looked very different. Whilst there have always been remarkable women who challenged expectations, many still grew up believing that security came from finding the right partner rather than creating opportunities for themselves. Financial independence was harder to achieve, business ownership was less common for women than it is today, and the expectation that men would be the primary breadwinner remained deeply rooted in society.

Those expectations didn’t appear overnight. For thousands of years, human societies evolved around different roles within families and communities. In many cultures, men often undertook physically demanding tasks such as hunting, protection and resource acquisition, while women played vital roles in raising children, gathering food, maintaining communities and creating the social bonds that allowed families to survive. Modern anthropology reminds us that these roles were often far more flexible than popular myths suggest, but they shaped expectations that lasted for generations.


One of the most fascinating things about psychology is that whilst our brains evolved in environments that looked very different from today’s world, they continue to adapt to the society we live in. For generations, survival often depended upon clear family roles, with security coming from stability and cooperation within small communities. Today, many women find themselves navigating entirely different expectations. We’re encouraged to build careers, raise children, nurture relationships, care for ageing parents, maintain friendships, prioritise our wellbeing and somehow succeed in every area simultaneously. It’s hardly surprising that so many women feel mentally exhausted. Modern psychology reminds us that whilst our opportunities have expanded dramatically, our brains are still learning how to navigate a world that asks us to wear so many different hats.

Fast forward to today and the picture is changing at an extraordinary pace.

Across the UK and around the world, women have been founding businesses, leading organisations, entering industries that were once dominated by men and creating financial independence on their own terms. Female entrepreneurship continues to grow, more women than ever are pursuing higher education, and increasing numbers are balancing careers, business ownership and motherhood simultaneously. Progress hasn’t removed every barrier, but it has undoubtedly expanded the possibilities available to women.

When I look around a room full of women in business at networking events, I don’t just see accountants, consultants, scientists, creatives, therapists or entrepreneurs.

I see courage.

I see women taking risks that previous generations often couldn’t.

I see women rebuilding after divorce, changing careers in their forties, launching businesses whilst raising children, studying for degrees at night and refusing to believe that one chapter of life should define the rest of it.

Perhaps that’s why these rooms feel different, they aren’t built on competition, they’re built on possibility.

I Sometimes I wonder what the women who fought for equal opportunities would think if they walked into a room like this today. A room filled with female entrepreneurs, business owners, professionals and leaders, openly sharing ideas, encouraging one another and building opportunities together. I suspect many would feel proud. Not because the journey is complete, but because each generation of women has continued to build upon the progress of those who came before them.

Before we talk about success today, it’s worth remembering how extraordinary the journey of women has been. My grandmother’s generation lived in a world with very different expectations. My mother’s generation pushed against many of those boundaries. My generation was raised believing we could have it all, Careers, Businesses, Families, Financial independence, Freedom. Yet with every new opportunity came new expectations, and perhaps that’s one of the greatest paradoxes of modern womanhood. We’ve gained choices our grandmothers could only dream of, but we’ve also inherited pressures they never experienced.

The twentieth century changed everything. Women won the right to vote, entered universities in greater numbers, broke into professions once closed to them and gradually moved into leadership positions across business, politics, science and the arts. Women such as Rosa ParksMargaret ThatcherMarie CurieMaya AngelouOprah WinfreyAnita Roddick and Sara Blakely each challenged expectations in different ways. Whether or not we agree with every decision they made, they demonstrated something powerful: that women could shape industries, influence societies and redefine leadership on their own terms. Every generation has built another step in the staircase the next generation climbs.

When I think about my own journey, I realise that success has worn many different faces.

At thirty years old, I thought I’d achieved everything I’d ever wanted.

I’d built my own house from the ground up, my own design and dream. I had a six figure income. There was a brand new Range Rover on the drive and I’d bought my then husband a brand new Audi. My wardrobe was filled with designer labels, from Christian Louboutin to Jimmy Choo, and from the outside looking in, life appeared exactly as I’d imagined success would look.

At that age, I was incredibly proud of what I’d achieved, and I still am. No one can ever take away the fact that I built those businesses, took those risks or created that life.

Those achievements are part of my story.

But if I’m completely honest…

I wasn’t happy.

Looking back now, I can see that I had become consumed by achievement. Every milestone simply led to another target. Every success became another expectation. I measured progress by numbers, possessions and productivity because that was the language I’d learnt success was supposed to speak.

Positive psychology has transformed the way we understand success. For many years, researchers assumed that achievement, income and status naturally led to happiness. Yet decades of research suggest something far more interesting. Once our basic financial needs are met, lasting wellbeing is influenced far more by purpose, meaningful relationships, autonomy and a sense of belonging than by accumulating more possessions. Looking back, I can clearly see that I was chasing external measures of success because I believed they would eventually make me feel fulfilled. What I didn’t realise was that fulfilment isn’t something we buy; it’s something we build through the life we create and the people we choose to become.

I was constantly chasing.

Constantly working.

Constantly thinking about the next goal.

At the time, I didn’t know any different.

Business wasn’t simply something I did; it had become who I was.

Years later, I would begin to understand something that psychology has explored for decades. Whilst financial security matters enormously, particularly when our basic needs are being met, lasting wellbeing tends to come from something much deeper than status or possessions. Research consistently shows that purpose, meaningful relationships, autonomy and a sense of belonging contribute far more to long term happiness than material success alone.

I didn’t know that at thirty, I just knew how to work and work I did.

People often asked me why I continued working for other companies whilst running several businesses of my own. The answer was simple. I wanted financial freedom. I wanted choices. I wanted to build something that nobody could ever take away from me.

As a woman, and later as a single mother, that independence mattered.

It still does.

Last year someone I dated suggested that I should give up my businesses, let go of my studies and find what he described as a “hobby job.” His view was that he would provide financially and that no wife of his would need to work. I’m sure those words were spoken from his own beliefs about relationships rather than with any intention to offend.

But they landed very differently.

For someone who had spent over two decades building businesses, taking risks, succeeding, failing, starting again and creating opportunities for herself, it wasn’t romantic.

It felt like someone was asking me to give away a part of my identity.

Not because I believe every woman should own a business.

Not because I think everyone should prioritise work.

But because every woman deserves the freedom to choose the life she wants to build.

That, to me, is what empowerment really means.

It’s not about earning more than somebody else.

It’s not about proving anything.

It’s about having choices.

Looking back now, I often describe the biggest change in my life as a shift in my energy. Some people might call it moving from a lower frequency to a higher frequency. Others might describe it as growing emotionally, becoming more secure or simply discovering what truly matters. Whatever language you choose, the change was profound. I stopped asking, “How do I look successful?” and started asking, “What kind of life actually feels meaningful?”

That single question changed everything.


If somebody had told the thirty year old version of me that one day I’d happily swap designer shoes for a pair from Primark, I’d probably have laughed. Not because there is anything wrong with either, but because my priorities were completely different.

Back then, success was something I could see. It was measured in cars, salaries, business growth and the life I had built around me. Today, success is something I feel. Somewhere along the journey, my perspective changed.

Perhaps it was becoming a mother.

Perhaps it was experiencing burnout.

Perhaps it was losing everything I once believed defined me.

Or perhaps growth simply has a way of stripping away everything that isn’t truly important.

The truth is, I no longer care about impressing anyone.

That doesn’t mean I’ve stopped being ambitious. If anything, I’m more ambitious than I’ve ever been. The difference is that my ambition now has purpose behind it. I no longer work to prove my worth. I work to create a life that aligns with my values.

For years, people would often say to me, “You’re crazy.” Looking back, they probably weren’t wrong.

There was a period when I left my childs father with nothing but a spare bed and two seater sofa, where I worked a full time job whilst running multiple businesses at the same time. I was determined to create financial security, buy my own home and build a future that nobody could take away from me. I genuinely believed that if I just worked a little harder, slept a little less and pushed myself a little further, everything would eventually fall into place.

What I didn’t understand was that there is always a price to pay when we live as though we’re machines instead of human beings. Eventually, my body made the decision that my mind refused to make. I burnt out, I had been awake at 5am every day and not going to bed till midnight, trying to juggle a corporate role and run my own businesses, and this was not just Monday to Friday, it was every day for nearly two years. My weight dropped dramatically, my health deteriorated and I fell unwell both physically and mentally, perhaps hardest of all, I realised my son wasn’t getting the best version of me. That was the wake up call I needed

Modern psychology tells us that today’s women are often carrying an invisible mental load. Beyond paid work, many continue to organise family life, manage relationships, remember birthdays, arrange appointments, plan meals and carry the emotional wellbeing of those around them. Researchers describe this as cognitive and emotional labour, and whilst it often goes unnoticed, it consumes enormous mental energy. Perhaps it’s no surprise that so many capable women find themselves exhausted. We aren’t simply doing more than previous generations; we’re often expected to be exceptional in every area of life at once.

No business, no salary and no ambition is worth sacrificing the moments you can never get back. I was missing his little life. However as any single parent knows, to afford household bills and nursery bills, you need two salaries and even then it’s not enough.

That doesn’t mean I regret those years.

Far from it.

Those years taught me resilience. They taught me discipline. They taught me how to solve problems, how to manage people, how to build businesses and how to recover when things didn’t go to plan.

Some of my businesses flourished. Others didn’t.

One of the hardest decisions I ever made was closing my e-commerce business. It wasn’t simply a business. It represented years of hard work, creativity and relationships with incredible people. I had the privilege of working alongside talented staff, models and videographers who poured their own passion into making it successful.

Closing that chapter wasn’t failure.

It was recognising that life had changed, and so had I, moving towards and over the 40 mark changed me, I finally felt grounded.

One lesson entrepreneurship teaches you very quickly is that success isn’t always about holding on. Sometimes it’s about knowing when to let go so that you can create space for something new.

That’s exactly what I chose to do.

To the frustration of my accountant, who had looked after me for many years, I made another decision that surprised people.

I chose education over income. On paper, it probably didn’t make sense to others, Why walk away from businesses that were generating money to study in your forties?

Because, for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t making decisions based purely on financial return.

I was making decisions based on purpose, on fulfilment, with my heart.

Like many people, I’d spent years trying to work out where I truly belonged. I enjoyed recruitment. I enjoyed sales. I loved building businesses. I competed against others and myself and it gave me that reward and chase that had felt at the time so satisfying, yet every role taught me something valuable. But none of them quite answered the question I’d been asking myself for years.

“What work makes me feel most alive?”

Studying relationship psychology, coaching and therapeutic approaches finally gave me that answer.

For the first time, I wasn’t simply building businesses. I was building a career that reflected who I was becoming and deep down I think I was recognising who I had always been…

That shift changed everything. It also changed the way I looked at money. When I was younger, I thought wealth was measured by what I owned.

Now, wealth looks very different.

It’s sitting on a beach in California watching my little boy laugh as the waves crash onto the shore.

It’s collecting memories instead of possessions, It’s having dinner with friends and people who inspire me. It’s being able to choose work that feels meaningful rather than simply profitable.

It’s having enough, rather than constantly chasing more.

Don’t misunderstand me, Financial independence still matters enormously to me. I’ve worked too hard to pretend otherwise.

As a single mother, I understand exactly what it means to carry responsibility. Bills don’t disappear because you’ve decided to become more spiritual. Mortgages don’t pay themselves because you’ve embraced mindfulness. Financial security creates freedom, and freedom creates choice.

That’s one of the reasons I still take on additional work when opportunities arise, not because I’m chasing status, but because responsibility matters.

People often forget that behind every business are human beings. When you employ people, you’re not simply paying wages. You’re helping someone pay their rent. You’re helping another family cover their mortgage. You’re contributing towards school uniforms, holidays, food shopping and futures.

That responsibility never leaves you.

If taking on another project means protecting somebody else’s livelihood, I’ll do it every time, and that’s a dedication I make to the women I employ, when the business dips, I feel the weight and I work my ass off to ensure I don’t have to disappoint or let people down.

I’ve realised that leadership isn’t about standing in front.

It’s about standing behind people when they need you most.

Motherhood has reinforced that lesson more than anything else.

Today, when I budget, I don’t see limitation. I see intention. I don’t feel deprived because I choose high street over designer labels.

I feel grateful that I can spend that money taking my son travelling, introducing him to different cultures and creating memories that neither of us will ever forget.

Ironically, I feel wealthier now than I did when I owned far more, because peace has become my greatest luxury and that’s something money alone could never buy.

The Women We Are Becoming

As I looked around the room at the networking event, I found myself smiling.

Not because every woman there had the same story, but because every woman there had a different one.

Some were just starting their first business. Others had built companies over decades. Some were returning to work after raising children. Others were changing careers in their forties or fifties. Some were leading teams, while others were taking the terrifying first step towards becoming self-employed.

Every journey was different.

Yet there was one thing that connected us all.

Courage.

For all the conversations about women supporting women, it was refreshing to experience it rather than simply read about it. There was no sense of competition. Nobody was trying to prove they were the most successful person in the room. Conversations flowed naturally, advice was shared generously and introductions were made without expecting anything in return.

That, to me, is what real networking should look like.

It’s not about collecting business cards.

It’s about building relationships.

Perhaps that’s why rooms full of supportive women feel so different. Psychology has consistently shown that human beings thrive when they experience connection, encouragement and psychological safety. We become more creative when we don’t fear judgement, more resilient when we feel supported and more confident when someone believes in us before we fully believe in ourselves. Maybe that’s why women supporting women is so much more than a slogan. It isn’t simply good for business; it’s good for our wellbeing, our confidence and, ultimately, for the next generation of women watching us.

Psychologists have long understood that human beings thrive through connection. We are wired to belong. Supportive relationships improve resilience, reduce stress and even encourage us to take opportunities we might never have taken alone. Behind almost every successful entrepreneur is a network of people who believed in them, challenged them or simply reminded them to keep going on the difficult days.

Perhaps that’s why these rooms feel so energising. When people celebrate one another instead of competing, something changes.

Ideas grow.

Confidence grows.

People grow.

Perhaps another fascinating shift is what we’re learning about the diversity of women’s minds. In recent years, thousands of women have received diagnoses of ADHD and autism later in life after decades of being overlooked. It raises an interesting question. Are women’s brains changing, or are we finally beginning to understand them properly? The evidence suggests the latter, but it reminds us that our understanding of women continues to evolve. Every decade seems to uncover something previous generations simply didn’t recognise.

Looking back over the last twenty one years of running businesses, I can honestly say there isn’t one perfect path to success.

I’ve made brilliant decisions, I’ve made expensive mistakes, I’ve started businesses, I’ve closed businesses, I’ve changed direction more than once.

I’ve taken risks that paid off beyond my expectations, and I’ve taken others that taught me lessons no textbook ever could.

Would I change any of it?

No, because every success and every setback has brought me to where I am today.

People sometimes describe me as a “jack of all trades.” Years ago, I wasn’t always sure whether that was meant as a compliment.

Today, I wear it with pride.

Every industry I’ve worked in has taught me something about people. Every business has taught me resilience. Every role has developed skills that I now carry into the next chapter of my life.

There is no such thing as wasted experience. Only experience we haven’t yet understood the value of.

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learnt is that success is never a straight line. Life doesn’t move neatly from one achievement to the next. Sometimes we have to step backwards before we can move forwards. Sometimes we close a business to discover a calling. Sometimes we leave a career we’ve spent years building because we’ve finally found one that feels like home. Sometimes we lose everything we thought defined us, only to realise that our greatest strength was never what we owned.

It was who we became while building it. That’s why nobody can ever take away what I achieved at thirty.

Yes, the house is gone. The cars are gone. The designer wardrobe has long since lost its importance.

But nobody can erase the determination, courage and resilience it took to build that life in the first place.

Those qualities are still mine and if I built it once, I know I can build again.

The difference is this time, I may have a smaller house, and a cheaper car, but the house is mine, and its my home, my little boys home, and I brought it. 

I’m no longer chasing success because I want people to admire it. I’m building a life my son can learn from. I want him to grow up understanding that success isn’t about what somebody owns.

It’s about how they treat people.

It’s about integrity.

It’s about showing kindness when nobody is watching.

It’s about having the courage to keep going when life doesn’t unfold as planned.

He’s already beginning to understand that.

If he wants something, he earns it.

If he wants a new toy, he helps around the house.

If we travel, he understands that those experiences come from hard work, planning and sacrifice.

They’re not things to be taken for granted.

They’re things to appreciate.

More than anything, I hope he grows up seeing a mother who wasn’t afraid to start again, because that’s another lesson we don’t talk about enough.

Starting again isn’t failure.

It’s courage.

Women have spent generations proving that they belong in boardrooms, lecture theatres, laboratories, creative industries and businesses of every kind. Today, I believe the conversation is changing again.

It’s no longer simply about proving we belong, It’s about deciding how we want to lead.

Do we lead with ego or empathy?

Do we build businesses that simply generate profit, or businesses that genuinely improve people’s lives?

Do we compete with one another, or do we open doors for the women walking behind us?

For me, the answer has become incredibly simple.

Success means lifting other people as you climb.

It means celebrating another woman’s promotion without questioning your own worth.

It means recommending someone else’s business because you genuinely believe in what they do.

It means recognising that there is enough room for all of us to succeed.

Years ago, I thought life was about reaching the destination. Now I know life is about becoming the person you meet along the way. The woman I am today isn’t the woman I was at thirty.

She’s calmer, She’s kinder to herself, She’s less interested in impressing people and more interested in understanding them.

She still dreams big, She still works hard, She still believes in building businesses and creating financial independence but she also knows that the richest life isn’t measured by numbers on a bank statement. It’s measured by the conversations that change us.

The friendships that sustain us, The work that gives us purpose, The memories we create with the people we love.

Perhaps this is the real evolution of women. It isn’t simply that we can vote, own businesses or build careers, important as those milestones are. It’s that more women are beginning to define success for themselves. Success no longer has to mean following a script written by society, family or tradition. It can mean building a business, raising children, travelling the world, changing careers at forty, returning to university, or simply creating a life that feels authentic. That freedom to choose may be one of the greatest achievements of all.

As women, we’ve come further than many of our grandmothers could ever have imagined. We still have challenges to overcome, inequalities to address and barriers to break, but we’ve also created opportunities that previous generations fought hard for us to have.

That deserves celebrating.

So, here’s to the women who dare to start businesses.

To the women changing careers in their forties.

To the women rebuilding after divorce.

To the women raising children whilst studying for degrees.

To the women quietly carrying responsibilities that nobody else ever sees.

To the women taking risks.

To the women starting again.

And to every woman who has ever looked in the mirror and wondered whether she was capable of more.

You are.

You always were.

Sometimes, you simply need another woman to remind you.

The Missing Ingredient: Are We So Busy Living That We’ve Forgotten to Love?

I feel like, in today’s day and age, we’re forgetting our age.

We’re forgetting how quickly time passes us by.

We’re spending so many years trying to cling on to our youth. Desperate to be seen. Desperate to be validated. Desperate to keep our options open. Desperate to have variety when it comes to sex. Desperate not to settle down too soon, commit too quickly, or somehow miss out on something better that might be waiting around the corner.

But in doing all of that, I wonder if we’re actually missing one of the most crucial ingredients of a genuinely happy life.

Love.

Meaningless hookups don’t make a happy life.

Yes, they might leave you feeling happy for a night. Maybe even for 24 hours. There’s excitement. There’s attraction. There’s validation. There’s that temporary high of being wanted.

But then what? 

Who do you call when something incredible happens?

Who hugs you when you’ve achieved something you’ve worked years for?

Who knows the tiny details of your life that wouldn’t mean anything to anybody else?

Who do you turn to and say, “Fuck it. Should we just go on holiday?”

Who do you build the memories with?

I seldom talk about myself personally in my blogs. As a coach and trainee therapist, I’m conscious of boundaries and how much of myself I bring into the work that I do, but on this occasion, I thought, why not… because recently I’ve started to realise something that actually brings me a great deal of sadness.

Some of the best years of my life, I’m spending alone.

We all look towards the future and think, I don’t want to grow old and be lonely.

But what if we’re looking too far ahead?

What if some of us are spending the best years of our lives alone right now?I’m in my 40s. I feel good in myself. I’ve done an enormous amount of healing, I’ve worked on myself, body and mind, I’ve built a life. I’m raising my child, I’m studying, I’m working,I’m travelling. I’m achieving things I’m proud of. Yet, sometimes, I look around at my friends who are in relationships.

They’re off to Italy. Mykonos. America. Australia.

They’re seeing the world. they’re going for date nights, they’re having weekends away. they’re building a collection of memories that belong to the two of them.

And then there’s me…. 

Going on my solo trips, Travelling with my child, waiting to see who can get childcare and plan that once a year night out…

And don’t misunderstand me, I absolutely love travelling with my child. Those memories are some of the most precious memories of my life. 

I have friends. I have family. I have a child I adore, I mean I’m not always sitting at home with nobody in my life… lol, But sometimes I sit there and think:

I’d love some romance in my life.

I’d love somebody to share all of this with.

I thought, last year, that maybe I’d found that.

It wasn’t meant to be.

If I’m completely honest, it felt like 50% of the relationship was love bombing and the final three months were spent with me acting as a personal therapist. The push pull dynamic, never knowing where you stand is Toxic, and not for my own attachment style at all..

Wrong person… Wrong relationship. 

Perhaps even the wrong relationships can teach us something about what we actually want. I remember being in Ibiza once and going on a date with a gorgeous Portuguese guy called Francisco. We had such a good date.He took me for a beautiful dinner. We went for drinks. We talked.

And at one point, he looked at me and said:

“Kerry, do you get lonely?” as we talked about what it’s like to be single..

And I said no.

Because I’m not lonely… Not in the traditional sense of the word, more so in an empty bed kind of way! As a mother, I have my child. I have friends. I have family. I have people I love and people who love me.

But there’s a particular kind of connection I miss.

I miss my person.

Recently, I completed another year of study. I got the message congratulating me on passing and in that moment, I missed having somebody there to congratulate me.

Someone to give me a hug.

Someone to ask how I felt.

Someone who understood how much work had gone into getting there.

And equally, I miss being that person for somebody else.

I miss praising someone.

I miss making somebody feel good.

I miss having someone walk through the door and being genuinely excited to hear about their day.

I miss having somebody say:

“Fuck it. Should we just go on holiday?”

Or:

“Should we go out tonight?”

I miss the spontaneity that comes from having somebody to do life with.

And recently I’ve realised something.

Life is just passing by.

We’re such slaves to work. Slaves to money. Slaves to our schedules. Slaves to this idea that we need to have everything sorted before we’re allowed to make room for love.

We tell ourselves:

I’m too busy.

I’ve got too much going on.

I haven’t got the capacity for a relationship.

Maybe when work calms down.

Maybe when the children are older.

Maybe when I’ve healed a little bit more.

Maybe when I’ve achieved this.

Maybe when I’ve sorted that.

But when exactly is life going to become completely uncomplicated?

Probably never.. and I think I’ve been guilty of this too.

Sometimes I push people away because I tell myself I’m not ready.

I tell myself I don’t have the time or capacity for a relationship because I’m so busy with work, but maybe they just haven’t been the right people.

Because there’s an important distinction here.

I don’t need anybody, but I would like somebody.

There’s a huge difference.

But I also wonder whether some of us have become a little too good at not needing anybody.

We celebrate independence. We celebrate the person who has been hurt, picked themselves back up, built their own life and learnt how to stand completely on their own two feet and rightly so.

However, psychologically, there’s something interesting that can happen when you’ve spent a long time having to rely on yourself. Independence can become more than a strength. It can become protection.

You become so accustomed to solving your own problems that asking for help feels uncomfortable. So used to carrying everything yourself that letting somebody carry something for you feels almost unnatural. So capable of regulating your own life that allowing another person into it starts to feel like a disruption rather than an addition and perhaps that’s where hyper-independence can creep in.

There’s a difference between I can do this alone and I must do this alone.

There’s a difference between choosing independence and being so afraid of depending on another human being that you never allow yourself to experience interdependence, the healthy middle ground where two capable people choose to lean on each other without losing themselves.

I think that’s something I’ve had to question within myself.

Am I genuinely too busy for a relationship?

Or have I become so accustomed to doing everything myself that I’ve convinced myself there simply isn’t room for another person?

Because maybe the goal was never to need nobody.

Maybe the goal was to know that I could survive alone, while still allowing myself to admit that life might be nicer shared.

I don’t want somebody because I can’t survive alone. I’ve already proved that I can. I don’t need someone to rescue me. I don’t need somebody to financially support me. I don’t need somebody to give me an identity.

I’ve built my own life.

But being capable of doing life alone doesn’t necessarily mean I want to do all of it alone. I want somebody who matches my energy.

I want somebody who asks me how I am in the morning.

“Good morning, baby. How did you sleep?”

Someone who checks in during the day.

“How’s your day going?”

Someone who says goodnight.

“Goodnight, darling.”

It doesn’t have to be constant communication. We’re adults. We’re busy. We have jobs. Children. Responsibilities.

However, I miss those little moments of knowing that somewhere in the world, somebody is thinking about you.

That ten-minute phone call at night:

“I just thought I’d ring you. I miss your voice.”

That’s what I miss.

That person checking in.

That person to share it all with.

Although, I have female best friends whom I’m incredibly grateful for, I miss having a best friend who is also my partner.

Someone who’s your lover, your teammate, your safe place and the person you laugh with over something nobody else would find remotely funny.

When I became single and left my child’s father, I left because I needed to find myself, I needed to find happiness, I needed to heal. I needed to grow and spread my wings like a butterfly.

I had been in an unhappy relationship, but I was also very unhealed and very unhappy within myself at the time.

So I left, I found myself, I built a different life and somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I always assumed I’d meet somebody.

When I met someone in 2025, I remember thinking:

Yeah. I’m ready for this.

Sadly, he wasn’t the right person.

I chose wrong.

However that doesn’t mean wanting the relationship was wrong.

Lately, I’ve had the strangest feeling, I can’t even properly comprehend it. I almost feel like maybe there’s a relationship around the corner. Of course I’ve chatted to people. I’ve been on a couple of dates over the past couple of years, but recently I’ve found myself looking at the people in my life and wondering:

Have I already met him?

Is it somebody I’ve never had a relationship with before?

Could it be somebody from my past?

For me, it’s rarely going to be somebody old because I don’t particularly like looking backwards, an ex is an ex for a reason….

Or is he somebody I haven’t met yet?

I genuinely don’t know.

I just have this weird gut feeling I’ve had for the last few weeks that maybe there is somebody out there for me.

Perhaps the bigger realisation is this:

Maybe I have to make myself available for him.

Not available in the sense of downloading every dating app and desperately searching for a relationship.

Emotionally available.

Making space.

Stop telling myself I’m too busy.

Stop telling myself I’ve got too much stress.

Stop telling myself I’ve got too much pressure.

Maybe if I let the right person in, some of that stress wouldn’t feel quite so heavy. Maybe life isn’t supposed to be something we carry entirely by ourselves.

So what are we doing as human beings?

Why do we push away good things because we tell ourselves we haven’t got time for them? the irony is we’re right.

We haven’t got time.

Just perhaps not in the way we think.

We haven’t got unlimited time.

We’re spending it every single day.

We’re just not always spending it on the things that will matter when we look back.

I look at my own life and think:

I’m always working.

I’m studying.

I’ve got my child.

Where exactly am I supposed to fit a relationship into all of this?

But then I think about last year, I had fewer staff, I was arguably even busier.

Yet somehow I fitted a relationship in perfectly.

It worked, It worked around childcare, It worked around work.

We gave each other time.

Sometimes it was simply a couple of nights a week being in his arms and it was nice.

Again, wrong person.

Perhaps that relationship taught me something important. When the cards are actually on the table and a relationship is genuinely on offer, I can make space for it.

Maybe I do want a relationship…. Actually, I know I do.

Because I don’t want to spend the best years of my life, in my prime, creating all these incredible memories and have nobody beside me who remembers them too.

I don’t want to meet somebody in my 50s and say:

“Do you remember when I did this?”

“Do you remember when I went there?”

And then realise: No. Of course they don’t.

Because they weren’t there.

Sometimes I look at older couples who’ve spent decades together. They’re old, they’re grey, life has slowed down, yet they have this enormous invisible library between them.

A lifetime of memories.

“Do you remember that holiday?”

“Do you remember when the children were little?”

“Do you remember that ridiculous restaurant?”

“Do you remember when we got completely lost?”

“Do you remember when we couldn’t stop laughing?”

Their bodies have aged, their lives have changed, but they have decades of remember whens. I’ve come to realise something I genuinely didn’t think I’d ever say.

I’m not just ready for love.

I’m ready for somebody to share my life with.

I’m ready to build memories with somebody.

I’m ready to grow alongside somebody.

I’m ready to create a family life together.

I’m ready for a partner.

..and believe me, I’m quite stubborn. It’s taken me a while to admit that.

Because our culture celebrates independence—and rightly so.

We tell people:

You don’t need anyone.

Learn to love yourself.

Be happy alone.

Don’t settle.

Know your worth.

And all of those things are important.

But I wonder whether somewhere along the way we’ve taken a healthy message and pushed it too far. We’ve started confusing independence with emotional isolation. We’ve started treating needing connection as weakness. We’ve become so frightened of appearing needy that sometimes we’re afraid to admit we have needs at all. We tell ourselves that the second somebody doesn’t meet every expectation, we should cut them off.

That there’s always another option.

Another swipe.

Another person.

Another date.

Another body.

We’ve created endless choice while somehow becoming increasingly disconnected and I wonder whether modern dating has inadvertently taught us to approach human beings like products.

We scroll. We swipe. We compare.

Too short.

Too tall.

Too available.

Not available enough.

Too keen.

Not keen enough.

Wrong job.

Wrong location.

Wrong shoes.

Next.

Of course, having standards is important. Boundaries are important. Compatibility matters enormously, but the paradox of having so much choice is that sometimes, instead of making us more certain, it can make us less satisfied with whatever we choose.

There’s always the lingering possibility that somebody better might be one swipe away and relationships don’t work particularly well when we’re constantly looking over somebody’s shoulder to see who else has just walked into the room.

I also wonder if we’ve created something of an avoidant dating culture.

Not because everyone is avoidantly attached, that would be far too simplistic, but because many of the behaviours modern dating normalises can look remarkably similar to emotional avoidance.

Keeping things casual, Keeping your options open, Not defining the relationship. Pulling away when things become emotionally intense. Ghosting rather than having an uncomfortable conversation.

Moving on to somebody new rather than working through vulnerability with the person standing in front of you.

We call it freedom.

Sometimes it is.

But sometimes, I wonder if what we’re actually doing is becoming incredibly skilled at avoiding attachment, because real intimacy isn’t found in endlessly meeting new people. It’s built when you stay long enough for somebody to actually know you. Not the version of you on the first date. Not your best photographs. Not your funny stories. Not the version who is effortlessly cool and definitely doesn’t care whether they text back.

You.

And perhaps that’s the uncomfortable thing about love. At some point, you have to stop browsing.

You have to choose.

And then you have to allow yourself to be chosen too.

Maybe that’s why some of us are still single.

Not because there’s nobody good enough out there, Not because we’re broken, Not because love isn’t meant for us, but because somewhere along the way, we became so good at protecting our peace that we forgot love requires us to open the door occasionally.

Of course, boundaries matter, Mine certainly do. If somebody consistently doesn’t give me attention, effort or emotional availability, I will walk away.

I don’t need to chase anybody.

There’s a difference between having boundaries and building walls. There’s a difference between recognising the wrong person and never giving the right person enough room to get close and perhaps that’s the question some of us need to ask ourselves:

Are we genuinely unavailable because life is too busy, or are we using busyness to protect ourselves from being vulnerable again?

Because love does require vulnerability. It requires making room. It requires allowing another human being to matter to you and yes, that means they could hurt you.

But they could also love you. They could also make an ordinary Tuesday feel like something worth remembering. They could be the person sitting beside you decades from now saying:

“Do you remember when…?”

So I asked myself a very simple question.

What do I actually want?

Do I want money? Not particularly.

As long as I have enough to pay my bills and live my life, I’m happy.

Do I want a healthy, happy child? More than anything in the world.

Do I want love? Yes.

Do I want happy memories? Yes.

Do I want a lifetime of togetherness? Yes.

I do.

Maybe that’s the ingredient we’re missing.

Not another achievement, Not another pay rise, Not another follower. Not another person finding us attractive. Not another meaningless hookup. Not another opportunity to prove we don’t need anybody.

Maybe it’s simply having somebody beside you who makes you feel glad you’re alive.

Someone to witness your life.

Someone whose life you get to witness too.

Someone to celebrate with.

Someone to comfort.

Someone to travel with.

Someone to laugh with.

Someone to come home to.

Someone who remembers.

Because one day, if we’re lucky, we’ll all grow old and perhaps the question isn’t only:

Who will be there when I’m old?

Maybe the question we should be asking ourselves now is:

Who do I want to build the memories with that we’ll talk about when we get there?

I don’t need somebody to complete my life.

My life is already full.

But I’ve finally realised… I’d quite like somebody to share it with.

Maybe I’ve spent long enough telling myself I’m too busy for love, because the truth is, life isn’t waiting for any of us to become less busy.

It’s happening now and I don’t want to miss it….

The Context we Meet in: Why we judge women by circumstance instead of Character

There is a scene in Pretty Woman that has stayed with me for years.

Edward, played by Richard Gere, looks at Vivian and says, “I’ve never treated you like a prostitute.”

Her response is immediate.

“You just did.”

For a long time, I watched that scene and thought it was simply about a man saying the wrong thing. As I have grown older, spent more time listening to people’s stories and worked with women from all walks of life, I have come to realise that the scene is about something much bigger than a wealthy businessman falling in love with an escort. It is about judgement. It is about the labels we place on people. Most importantly, it is about how often women are judged by the circumstances in which they are found rather than the character they possess.

What strikes me most about that exchange is that Vivian never asks the obvious question. Why is she carrying the burden of judgement when Edward was equally involved? He may have been the wealthy businessman and she may have been the escort, but both of them participated in the same encounter. Without Edward, there is no transaction. Without his choices, there is no story. Yet somehow society finds it easier to judge Vivian than it does Edward. He is seen as successful. She is seen as shameful. He is allowed complexity. She is reduced to a label, she could be incredibly successful in her own right, but it’s always the man casting judgement, without the understanding.

That scene has always felt like a reflection of something much bigger that still exists today. Women continue to be judged differently for the very same situations that men willingly participate in. The details may have changed. Dating apps have replaced chance meetings in bars. Social media has transformed how people connect. Entire industries have emerged that did not exist twenty years ago. Yet the underlying double standard remains surprisingly familiar.

A woman can meet a man on Tinder, spend an evening talking, laughing and building what she believes is a genuine connection, sleep with him, and then discover she has been quietly disqualified from relationship status because she slept with him too quickly. The irony is extraordinary. He was there too. He made the same decision. He participated in exactly the same experience. Yet somehow he walks away feeling entitled to judge her for behaviour he willingly took part in himself.

What fascinates me is that many women do not think this way. They are often looking at the bigger picture. They are wondering whether there is chemistry, whether there is potential, whether this person could become a meaningful part of their life. Of course there are exceptions. Both men and women can be manipulative. Both men and women can seek validation. Both men and women can be dishonest. This is not about pretending one gender is innocent and the other is guilty. Human beings are complicated. What interests me is the imbalance in how judgement is applied. Society still seems far more comfortable attaching shame to women than it does to men.

One of the most interesting questions in modern dating is why some men automatically assume that a woman on Hinge is more suitable for a relationship than a woman they meet in a lap dancing club or who perhaps has worked as an escort. Why? What evidence do they actually have? Have they spent time understanding her values? Do they know how she treats people? Do they know whether she is loyal, emotionally available, trustworthy or kind? Usually the answer is no. What they are really judging is not the woman herself. They are judging the story attached to her, and the crazy thing is from my day to day life, I actually hear that ‘BodyCount’ can often reign higher in the women they perceive as ‘Marriage material’.

The woman on Hinge is viewed as someone searching for love. The woman in the club is viewed as someone selling fantasy. One is placed into a socially approved category. The other is placed into a socially disapproved category. Yet neither label tells us very much. The woman in the club may have stronger boundaries than anyone the man has ever met. She may have spent years single because she refuses to settle for relationships that do not meet her standards. She may be fiercely loyal once she commits to someone. She may have had fewer sexual partners than many of the women being praised as relationship material. Meanwhile, the woman on Hinge may be dating multiple people, have no interest in commitment and be seeking validation rather than connection. Or the opposite may be true. The point is that nobody knows.

Character cannot be determined by profession. It cannot be determined by appearance. It cannot be determined by where somebody happened to meet you. Yet people continue to make assumptions every single day based on these things. They judge a book by its cover and then convince themselves they know the entire story.

What I have learned over the years is that public image and private reality are often worlds apart. We live in a culture where people carefully curate how they are perceived. Dating profiles are curated. Social media accounts are curated. Influencer brands are curated. Even ordinary people curate versions of themselves for public consumption. We look at photographs, captions and carefully selected moments and convince ourselves we know somebody. The truth is that we rarely do.

There are women with enormous social media followings who are admired by millions. There are reality television personalities, influencers and public figures who have built highly successful brands around their image. Some have found ways to monetise their beauty, fame and desirability in ways previous generations could never have imagined, and behind closed doors are being sent out on secret Whatssap groups for £10k for the night. Personally, I do not see anything wrong with that. If somebody has built an audience, worked hard to create opportunities and found a way to capitalise on their success, then fair play to them. What interests me is not what they do. What interests me is how society responds to them depending on what information is publicly available.

The same man who judges a woman working openly within the adult industry may spend years admiring, following and fantasising about a public figure whose private life he knows nothing about. The difference is not necessarily morality. The difference is visibility. One woman is judged because people know. The other escapes judgement because people do not. Yet both may be making similar choices in private. This is why assumptions are so dangerous. They are built on incomplete information and presented as certainty.

Another aspect of this conversation that deserves far more compassion is the reality that some women carry experiences most people know nothing about. Some women working within parts of the adult industry have histories of childhood sexual abuse, rape, domestic violence, coercive relationships or profound emotional neglect. Of course this is not true of everyone and it would be wrong to make assumptions. Every woman’s story is different. Yet it is important to recognise that for some women, their relationship with their body, sexuality and sense of control has been shaped by experiences that occurred long before anyone met them. I work with one lady in the industry, who was date raped, and is simply too scared to date, and maybe she’s lost her way a little, but who are we to sit and judge.

What often frustrates me is how quickly people jump to judgement without any curiosity about what might have brought someone to where they are today. We see a profession and assume we understand a person. We see a choice and assume we know the story behind it. Yet human beings are rarely that simple. For some women, stepping into a space where they choose the terms, set the boundaries and decide what access people have to them can feel very different from experiences where control was taken away. What outsiders may perceive as exploitation, another person may experience as autonomy. Whether people agree with those choices or not is almost irrelevant. The point is that we cannot understand someone’s life by reducing them to a label.

Perhaps that is another reason I find judgement so problematic. It leaves no room for complexity. It leaves no room for empathy. It leaves no room for the possibility that the person standing in front of us has survived things we cannot imagine. We do not know their history. We do not know their struggles. We do not know what they have overcome to become the person they are today. Yet society is often quick to condemn women for the choices they make while showing very little interest in understanding the experiences that shaped those choices in the first place.

As the film draws to a close, something interesting happens. Edward finally understands what he could not see at the beginning. The issue was never Vivian’s profession. It was never the circumstances in which they met. It was never the label he had attached to her. The real obstacle was his inability to look beyond those things. Only when he lets go of his assumptions is he able to see the woman standing in front of him.

If we return back to the film ‘Pretty woman’ in one of the most iconic scenes in the film, Edward arrives with flowers and climbs the fire escape despite his fear of heights. He becomes the knight in shining armour Vivian once dreamed about as a little girl. Of course, we live in a different world now. Most women are not waiting to be rescued. Women build careers, raise families, buy their own flowers and save themselves every single day. The fantasy was never really about being rescued anyway. The fantasy was about being chosen. Being valued. Being seen… finally the little girl who had led such a traumatic and sad life, was seen.

Perhaps that is what so many people are searching for beneath all the noise of modern dating. Not perfection, Not status, Not somebody who ticks every box on paper. Just somebody willing to look beyond the stereotypes, beyond the assumptions and beyond the story attached to how they met.

Because love does not arrive wrapped in social approval. It does not ask whether someone was met through friends, on a dating app, in a club, at work or during the most unexpected chapter of their life. Love only asks whether two people are willing to know each other honestly.

And perhaps that is the real lesson hidden inside Pretty Woman. The greatest relationships are not built by people who meet in the perfect circumstances…. They are built by people brave enough to see beyond them….

Maybe the real question is not where are the women worth loving. Maybe the real question is where are the men willing to put down their judgement long enough to recognise them.

Because the most beautiful love stories have never been about how two people met.

They have always been about what happened when they decided to truly see one another.

2026 – The year Choosing Me: The Moment I Stopped Waiting to Be Chosen

There’s a truth I’ve had to learn the long way round:

Sometimes you have to experience the wrong people to finally understand your worth.

Not in a cliché way and not in a “everything happens for a reason” way, but in a very real, very lived way, where each connection leaves a mark, teaches you something, and slowly pulls you back to yourself.

I’ve loved different kinds of men.

Last year I met the one who felt electric at the start, passionate, intense, everything turned up to 100. The sex was something else, I mean girls, there is good and then there is WILD! Insane until it wasn’t. Until the warmth turned into walking on eggshells. The subtle put-downs. The control disguised as care. The disappearing acts followed by apologies that reset everything… until the cycle began again and I lost myself in that, not just emotionally, but physically too. So swept up in the sex, attention, gifts and love-bombing, I suddenly realised after watch him down pink cocaine for two weeks, that this was not the kind of man who should be in mine or my Childs life.

Then came along a good man, Kind-hearted, Safe, I thought. Someone I let myself open up to in a way I hadn’t in a good few years. We built something slowly, calls, messages, shared moments across distance, it felt so familiar… And then… he shut down.

No warning. No gradual fade. Just a switch.

One minute, he was planning a weekend with me, so excited I was in his country. The next, it was “this feels like pressure, I should respect my boundary, I can’t do long distance”, That kind of emotional whiplash does something to you. It doesn’t just hurt, it changes how you see people. How you trust. How you show up. I’m so glad I didn’t have sex with him, because in all honesty seeing his insecurities at play with avoidance, makes me feel there would have been disappointment. I think it felt familiar, because it threw me back into the summer of 2023, another situation, the calls, messages, consistency, deep intimacy on all levels except sex.

and somewhere underneath all of that, there’s been another truth sitting quietly in my life:

There is someone I love… who didn’t choose me, and it was after the experience with my Californian guy, I realised, it simply reminded me of that! The heartbreak of 2023, where I wasn’t chosen, but had fallen anyway..

For a long time, I told myself it was limerence, Infatuation. Something I’d grow out of, however time has a way of clarifying things, not erasing them and the truth is some feelings don’t fade just because they’re inconvenient, they simply get avoided.

But here’s what I’ve realised:

Someone not choosing you doesn’t make them “the one.” It makes them unavailable.

The Pattern I Couldn’t Ignore

There’s something else I started to notice.

Men would leave… choose someone else… build lives with other women.

Then years later, they’d come back, Telling me I was always the one, That they see me now, That they made the wrong choice. It happened last summer. I had a call, with an ex asking to meet me, I was seeing the narcissist at the time, and I declined, but he pushed and pushed, so I agreed ten mins in a public place only. I showed up, and was met with, basically I was the one perfect for them, I was the one they loved, I was the one aligned, I was so shocked, but its not the first time this has happened.

But by then, it’s too late, Because love isn’t just about recognition, It’s about timing. It’s about courage. It’s about choosing.

And I deserve to be chosen in real time, not in hindsight.

I appreciate if things don’t work out with someone else they chose, and then try and rekindle, but I will never be the other woman, whilst you keep someone there incase I say NO, and I did say NO!

The Misunderstanding of Who I Am

I think part of my story is this:

People think they know me when they first meet me, I get judged all the time. They see confidence, Strength, Independence.
They assume I’m “a lot.”, That I’ll be hard to handle. People see the Kerry now before them, not the Kerry I was for all of my life, they see the girl with the lips, the tan, the hair, taking images and posing, and they see me in a certain way, because that’s what their ind interprets.

But the truth?

In a relationship, I’m soft, I’m calm, I’m loyal, I’m simple in what I want.

A quiet life.
A genuine connection.
A partner to build with, not perform for.

And it’s only later, when they’ve already chosen someone else, that they realise actually she’s the opposite to who she comes across as, But I’m not waiting around to be understood after the fact anymore. Judgement is on them, Darlings, not me!

What I See Clearly Now

I see the half-effort.

The “let’s plan something” followed by inconsistency.
The words that don’t match actions.
The low-level energy that expects access to me.

And I’m done with it, yep over it! You will remain in the archived, because quite frankly, I cannot be arsed seeing your face!

Because here’s the truth:

There is no attraction without consistency.
There is no connection without effort.
And there is no future where I am not fully chosen.

What I Actually Want

It’s not complicated.

I want someone grounded, Calm, Emotionally available.
Someone who values routine, health, stability. Someone who has kids already, maybe similar age to my child, so we can just enjoy watching the kids grow, rather than the stress and worry of having another! I love my life now to start all over again with a new baby. Someone who wants to build a life, not escape into one.

A home.
A partnership.
A quiet, real kind of love, that will last

Not the loud, chaotic kind that burns fast and leaves damage behind.

Just… a good man…

Here’s Where Everything Changed

At some point over the last 8-9 months, something shifted in me. In that time, I dated a narcissist, was sexually assaulted by someone I went on a date with, and then I met the ultimate avoidant. This was all meant to happen, and I don’t say that to minimise it, I say it not through bitterness or coldness, but

Clarity.

I realised I’ve spent so much time pouring into other people, trying to understand them, support them, love them, hold space for them…And not enough time choosing myself. Too much time not filling up my own cup.

So now?

I’m not chasing.
I’m not convincing.
I’m not waiting to be picked.

You either show me, consistently, clearly, and show that you choose me…
or you don’t get access to me at all.
..

There is no in-between anymore my body, my mind, my heart. No, you are not welcome!

It’s taken 42 years to reach this point, and I realise, I’m worth something, and it’s a deep routed find, and wow, my eyes are open.

For Any Woman Reading This

If you’ve ever felt like the one they come back to… but never the one they choose first…

If you’ve ever been “almost” loved properly…

If you’ve ever questioned your worth because someone couldn’t meet you where you are…

This is your reminder:

You are not too much.
You are not misunderstood.
You are not “almost.”

You are just no longer available for half-hearted love, and please hold your value high, hold it for someone who offers consistency, but offers to show up to! Not just a lunchtime meet in costa! Because the coffee dates are devaluing romance!!

However the true message stands, the moment you truly choose yourself, set your boundaries and recognise your value matters, is the moment the shift will happen!

When two different people come together and learn to love one another…. ‘The Soul Mate Connection’

One of the most beautiful things about relationships is how two completely different people can come together, two individuals with their own interests, personalities, histories, and ways of seeing the world, and slowly begin to grow alongside one another.

At the beginning, you are separate worlds. Different routines, different habits, different comforts. One might love football, the other reality television. One might wake up early and love quiet mornings, while the other thrives at night. In the early stages, these differences can feel noticeable, sometimes even amusing.

But when a connection is real, something subtle and beautiful begins to happen.

Without even realising it, your worlds start to overlap.

You might find yourself sitting beside her watching ‘Love is Blind’, even though you never thought you would Or you might find yourself asking about the football score because it matters to him, and somehow that makes it matter to you too. What once felt like their interest slowly becomes something you share.

Not because you are changing who you are, but because love naturally invites you into each other’s worlds. You start to walk together on a path, a journey of alignment.

This is where the beauty of a true bond lies. Real connection doesn’t erase individuality. Instead, it gently weaves two lives together while still allowing each person to remain fully themselves.

Over time, the shift becomes deeper than shared hobbies or interests.

Their joys begin to feel like your joys.

Their worries begin to feel like your worries.

Their dreams start to intertwine with your own.

Their desires become yours, and yours become theirs. Not in a way that feels forced or sacrificial, but in a way that feels completely natural. Almost effortless.

And this is often when couples begin to say something that sounds strange to anyone outside the relationship:

“We’re basically the same person….”There are not many people who can look at the other and say this.. and that’s when you know you’ve found your person.

Of course, no two people are truly identical. You still carry your own thoughts, experiences, and individuality, however the connection becomes so deep that your emotional rhythms start to align. You begin to understand each other without needing to explain everything. Sometimes a look is enough. A silence can speak volumes.

It begins to feel like you are moving through life with someone who understands you on a level that very few people ever will.

The Feeling of a Soulmate

A true soulmate often doesn’t feel like fireworks. It feels like recognition, it feels like an intensity that overwhelms, engulfs you and blows your mind.

Like meeting someone your soul already understands.

You may notice that your values align naturally. Conversations flow effortlessly. Time together, calls together, feel peaceful rather than draining. Even when you disagree, there is still respect, still care, still a desire to understand each other rather than win.

You start to feel a quiet certainty.

Not the anxious kind of love that leaves you questioning everything, but the calm kind that settles in your chest and says: this feels right, this is my person, we’re basically the same person.

When you meet someone like this, life begins to align in unexpected ways. Your goals start to complement each other. Your emotional worlds feel compatible. You find yourselves growing together instead of pulling in opposite directions.

And that’s when many people say something that captures the depth of that connection:

“We’re the same person.”

Not because you are identical, but because your souls move in the same direction.

When everything aligns, your values, your intentions, your willingness to grow, the connection feels natural rather than forced. Being together doesn’t feel like hard work. It feels like partnership.

Like you are walking the same path…

And when you meet that person, something inside you recognises it. The noise quietens. The confusion disappears.

You simply feel… home…

When Trauma Tries to Protect Us

But there is another side to deep connection that many people don’t talk about.

Sometimes when we meet someone who truly sees us, who truly connects with us, it can feel overwhelming, to much, the boats rocking and it can cause incredible confusion and anxiety.

Not because the connection is wrong — but because it is powerful…

For many people, past experiences, heartbreak, or emotional wounds create protective patterns. We learn ways to cope with pain: shutting down, pulling away, overthinking, creating distance, or convincing ourselves that something is wrong when things actually feel right, but our physiological states tries to overwhelm us and force the pressure on ourselves, that we start to question everything..

Trauma often teaches us to protect ourselves.

But sometimes those protections can appear right when something beautiful is forming.

If someone is used to shutting down when emotions feel intense, they might withdraw from the very connection they’ve always wanted. If someone is used to expecting abandonment, they may start searching for problems that don’t actually exist.

And before they realise it, fear begins to interfere with something that could have been incredibly special.

This is why self-awareness matters so deeply in love….

When you recognise your patterns, when you understand how your past experiences might influence your reactions, you give yourself the power to respond differently.

Instead of shutting down, you pause.

Instead of running, you communicate.

Instead of assuming the worst, you choose curiosity.

Meeting someone who truly aligns with you can feel intense, scary and stir unwanted anxiety and pressures. It can stir emotions you’re not used to feeling. It can make you vulnerable in ways that feel unfamiliar.

But vulnerability is often the doorway to real connection.

Protecting Something That Matters

When you realise you have something special with someone, it’s important to nurture it.

That doesn’t mean the relationship will be perfect. Every connection will have moments of uncertainty, overwhelm, or misunderstanding. But what makes a soulmate connection so powerfu is the willingness to work through those moments together, however apprehensive and fearful you are

Instead of letting fear take control, you choose honesty.

Instead of letting overwhelm create distance, you talk about it.

Instead of pushing someone away when things feel intense, you lean into understanding what you’re feeling and why.

Real love is not just about finding the right person, it’s also about being emotionally aware enough to protect the connection once you find it.

Sometimes that means slowing down.

Sometimes it means communicating your fears.

Sometimes it means learning new ways to handle emotions you once avoided.

But when two people are willing to grow, the connection becomes stronger rather than fragile.

When You Know

When you truly meet your person, interests aside, emotions aside, even past trauma aside… something deeper connects.

Two different people.

Two different lives.

Yet somehow, everything aligns.

Your lives begin to weave together naturally. Your worlds blend. Your hearts recognise something familiar in each other.

And in those quiet moments — when you look at them and feel peace instead of doubt — you may find yourself saying something that captures it perfectly:

“We’re the same person.”

Not because you’ve lost yourselves, but because you’ve found someone whose soul walks beside yours, a heavenly feeling of your person walking alongside you, like the Universe and God have brought you both together..

And when that happens, when everything inside you says this is my person, when love feels calm rather than confusing, when being with them feels as natural as breathing…

You realise something powerful.

You’re home…

You have your person…

When Love Has Nowhere to Go. What happens when you fall for an Avoidant

There is a particular kind of heartbreak that doesn’t explode, it dissolves.

No dramatic betrayal, no obvious cruelty. no moment you can point to and say, “That’s when everything broke.”

Just love, slowly, quietly, with nowhere to land.

Loving someone with an avoidant attachment style often feels like pouring warmth into a room with no walls. Nothing visibly rejects you, nothing violently pushes you away and yet, somehow, everything disappears.

Not because the love wasn’t real.

Simply because it could not be received.

When Everything Feels Aligned

It often begins with something that feels rare, connection that feels effortless, conversations that stretch late into the night, laughter that feels easy, natural, unforced. Moments of closeness that feel deeply mutual. There is chemistry, there is emotional resonance. There is, at least for a time, a sense of alignment, the most beautiful alignment.

You don’t feel like you’re forcing something.

You don’t feel like you’re chasing.

It feels like something unfolding, a beautiful foundation being built with two human beings falling for each other.. and this is what makes it so confusing later, because nothing about the beginning feels incompatible. In fact, it often feels unusually right, perfectly right, and most of the time it is right…or at least could of been..

However, attachment dynamics don’t always reveal themselves at the start, because avoidant individuals can connect, in the beginning.

They can feel deeply.

They can even fall in love.

What they struggle with is not feeling, but staying.

Love vs. Fear: A Different Internal Reality

For the person who loves, closeness feels like safety, yet for the avoidant, closeness often feels like danger.

This isn’t a metaphor. It’s neurological. It’s sadly fact, and a fact even the avoidant themselves isn’t aware of.

Research in attachment theory shows that individuals with avoidant attachment styles frequently experience intimacy as a threat to autonomy. Emotional closeness activates the same stress responses that others might associate with loss of control, engulfment, or vulnerability.

Where one person feels warmth, the other may feel:

  • Pressure
  • Anxiety
  • A loss of space
  • A subtle sense of being trapped
  • A rising need to pull away
  • A feeling that the situation, relationship or partner isn’t right for them.

Nothing externally catastrophic needs to happen, no huge row… simply their body and mind, starts to reek havoc, slowly but surely, and they start to believe that they’re feeling this because the relationship or partner is wrong, they physically feel a build of anxiety, which leads to rumination, over thinking and panic, and the feeling of feeling overwhelmed, must be somebody else’s fault, because they don’t understand this is their own mental health, and any level of accountability means, it’s their fault, this over riding sense of anxiety, sickness, sleepless nights, lead to them saying ‘this isn’t right’… but please note, you could be a 10/10partner, but their mind will convince them you’re not right, and this is their own fear.

The relationship itself becomes the trigger, not because the love is wrong, but because the deeper the love and intimacy activates deeply wired protective strategies formed long before the relationship began. This is why most avoidants can only survive in relationships that are surface or fantasy based only.

The Tragedy of Misaligned Meanings

This is where the quiet sadness lives.

Two people experiencing the same relationship, but inhabiting entirely different emotional realities.

The loving partner experiences:

  • Growing closeness
  • Deepening attachment
  • Emotional investment
  • Hope
  • A desire for more connection
  • Love
  • Safety

The avoidant partner experiences:

  • Increasing discomfort because the feeling of love = anxiety
  • A need for distance to avoid accountability, and to feel safe
  • Emotional overwhelm, to the point it leads to both mental and physiological break down
  • A sense of losing independence, not being heard
  • Fear disguised as detachment

The same moments that feel like bonding to one person who has emotional capacity and maturity, but may feel like suffocation to the other.

No one is intentionally cruel, no one is consciously sabotaging.

And yet, damage happens anyway, because one of the parties didn’t realise what they we’re feeling was love…

When Love Becomes Something to Escape

As intimacy deepens, the avoidant nervous system often shifts into protection mode.

Common patterns begin to appear:

  • Emotional withdrawal
  • Subtle distancing
  • Reduced communication
  • Increased focus on flaws
  • Sudden doubts about compatibility
  • A vague sense that “something feels off”

Psychologists sometimes call this deactivation, the unconscious process by which avoidant individuals reduce attachment intensity when closeness becomes uncomfortable.

Love doesn’t disappear, access to it does.

To the loving partner, it feels like confusion:

“We were so close — what changed?”

To the avoidant partner, it feels like necessity:

“I just need space.”

The Ache of Unspent Love

For the one who loves, this is where grief becomes complicated, Because the love is still there, still alive, still willing. still reaching.

But with nowhere to go.

Love needs reception, Love needs reciprocity, Love needs emotional availability.

Without those, love doesn’t vanish, it lingers.

As longing, as rumination, as the painful question: “If it felt so real, why couldn’t it survive?”. There is a particular sorrow in loving someone who could not fully accept what you offered. Not because you were too much, but because they could not stay open.

The Avoidant’s Invisible Sadness

Yet there is another side to this story that often goes unseen, Avoidant individuals are not emotionless. They are not incapable of love. They are not immune to loss. Their pain simply looks different.

Avoidant attachment is rooted in early experiences where emotional needs were discouraged, ignored, or inconsistently met. Over time, self-reliance becomes safety, Vulnerability becomes risk, Distance becomes regulation.

Many avoidant individuals genuinely care, but experience closeness as dys-regulating. The push-pull dynamic is not calculated; it is protective.

And after withdrawal, they often feel:

  • Relief mixed with guilt
  • Confusion about their own reactions
  • Lingering affection they struggle to express
  • A familiar return to emotional isolation

The tragedy is not that they do not feel, The tragedy is that their fear consistently outruns their capacity for connection. The sad tragedy lies in, this will be their life, unless they learn, invest in therapy, and start to realise, kindness and empathy for others they cause paid to is key… a simple Sorry…

Why the Pattern Repeats

One of the most painful realisations for the loving partner is this:

Love alone cannot heal attachment wounds. Avoidant patterns are not situational quirks. They are deeply ingrained strategies for emotional survival.

Without conscious self-awareness and intentional work, the cycle often repeats:

  1. Connection
  2. Growing closeness
  3. Rising discomfort
  4. Withdrawal
  5. Distance
  6. Reset
  7. Repeat

Not because the partners are wrong, but because the underlying system remains unchanged.

The Cruel Irony of Compatibility

Perhaps the saddest truth of all, You can be deeply compatible with someone, and still be unable to build a stable relationship.

Shared values, Shared humour, Shared affection, Shared dreams, shared chemistry, intense attraction….

All of it can exist.

But if one nervous system experiences love as safety, and the other experiences love as threat, alignment at the surface cannot overcome misalignment at the core, until the avoidant does the serious work needed on themselves.

When Love Isn’t Wasted – Just Unreceived

It is tempting to call this wasted love, but love is never truly wasted.

Love given sincerely is evidence of capacity, not failure.

The ability to love deeply, openly, vulnerably is not something that diminishes because it was not reciprocated. It remains a reflection of emotional strength, a person with emotional maturity but mostly, capacity, you understand the real meaning of love…

The heartbreak lies not in loving the wrong person, but in loving someone who could not remain present inside the love you shared.

A Sadness Without Villains

This kind of story rarely has villains.

Just two people:

One reaching for closeness.

One retreating toward safety.

Both shaped by histories they did not choose.

Both experiencing pain in ways the other struggles to understand.

And love…..caught between longing and fear… it’s there.. it exists…

With nowhere to go.

Survival Mode in Relationships: When Emotional Abandonment Pushes the Body Into Crisis

How avoidant and narcissistic relationship patterns trigger fight-or-flight, hormonal disruption, and physical collapse, especially in women

There is a kind of stress that doesn’t stay in the mind.

It moves into the body.

It shuts down appetite.

It steals sleep.

It disrupts hormones.

It turns love into a medical emergency.

For me, stress from romantic relationships affects my body more than anything else in my life, Not work, Not money, Not external pressure. Love, or more accurately, emotional instability disguised as love, is what pushes my body into survival mode.

And once I’m there, I can’t simply “calm down.”

My body is panicking.

What Survival Mode Really Is (Fight, Flight, and Freeze)

Survival mode is not a metaphor. It is a physiological nervous system response that occurs when safety is threatened.

In relationships with avoidant partners or narcissistic partners, the body does not experience emotional inconsistency as inconvenience, it experiences it as danger.

Hot-and-cold behaviour.

Sudden withdrawal.

Love-bombing followed by emotional abandonment.

Connection offered, then removed.

The nervous system responds by activating the sympathetic response, fight, flight, or freeze. This response is meant for short-term danger. In emotionally unstable relationships, the threat is ongoing.

So the body stays switched on.

The Avoidant Attachment Cycle — Step by Step in the Body

Avoidant attachment is often unconscious. But its impact on the other person’s nervous system is very real.

1. Connection Phase: “This Feels Safe”

What the avoidant does

  • Emotional intimacy
  • Deep conversations
  • Strong sense of alignment
  • Feeling chosen and secure
  • A perfect mirror to you, which helps secure a sense of bond

What happens in your body

  • Oxytocin increases (bonding hormone)
  • Dopamine rises (hope and reward)
  • Nervous system softens
  • Appetite and sleep may stabilise

Your body begins to wire this person as safety.

2. Deactivation Phase: Emotional Withdrawal

What the avoidant does

  • Becomes distant
  • Reduces communication
  • Feels “overwhelmed”
  • Shuts down emotionally

What you begin to feel

  • Unease
  • Tight chest
  • Anxiety
  • A sense that something is wrong

Physiological response

  • Cortisol begins to rise
  • Vagus nerve regulation drops
  • Fight-or-flight activates

Your body senses danger before your mind understands it.

3. Push–Pull Dynamics and Intermittent Reinforcement

What the avoidant does- Sometimes , may I add, however most are too weak to return and do not have the emotional bandwidth

  • Returns briefly
  • Reassures you
  • Withdraws again

What you feel

  • Relief followed by panic
  • Hypervigilance
  • Emotional preoccupation

What happens in the body

  • Cortisol remains elevated
  • Adrenal system overstimulated
  • Digestion suppressed → appetite loss
  • Sleep disrupted

This is where survival mode becomes chronic.

4. Sudden Breakup or Emotional Disappearance

What the avoidant does

  • Ends the relationship abruptly
  • Avoids closure
  • Emotionally shuts the door
  • Blocks you everywhere

What happens to you

  • Shock
  • Disbelief
  • Inability to eat
  • Inability to sleep
  • Inability to just function with day to day life

Physiology

  • Cortisol spikes
  • Melatonin suppressed
  • Blood pressure may drop
  • Immune system weakens

This is often the point people say:

“I don’t recognise myself anymore.”

The Narcissistic Relationship Cycle — And Why It Damages the Body

Narcissistic relationship patterns are different because the instability is often manipulative rather than avoidant.

1. Love-Bombing and Idealisation

What they do

  • Intense attention
  • Excessive affection
  • Fast emotional bonding

Body response

  • Dopamine surge
  • Oxytocin surge
  • Rapid attachment

The body bonds before trust has time to develop.

2. Devaluation and Emotional Withholding

What they do

  • Withdraw affection
  • Criticise or invalidate
  • Create emotional insecurity

What you feel

  • Anxiety
  • Self-doubt
  • Trying harder to regain safety

Physical impact

  • Cortisol rises
  • Appetite shuts down
  • Gut function slows
  • Weight loss begins

3. Discard, Return, Repeat

What they do

  • End the relationship
  • Return
  • End it again

Each cycle re-activates the trauma response.

The body never fully resets.

During one such relationship, my weight fell from nine stone (around 57 kg) to seven stone ten (around 49–50 kg). I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. My periods became severe and prolonged, leading to hospitalisation.

This was not just emotional distress. It was physiological breakdown caused by chronic stress.

Blocking: The Nervous System Impact of Sudden Disappearance

Blocking is not neutral.

Blocking is digital abandonment.

Psychological and Neurological Impact

Research shows that social rejection activates the same brain regions as physical pain. Blocking removes:

  • Access
  • Repair
  • Explanation

The brain interprets this as:

“You no longer exist.”

What Blocking Does to the Body

  • Sudden cortisol spike
  • Panic response
  • Obsessive thinking
  • Appetite shutdown
  • Severe insomnia

For bonded individuals, blocking can:

  • Disrupt menstrual cycles
  • Lower blood pressure
  • Trigger medical symptoms
  • Psychologically impact their whole future

There is no nervous system regulation without closure.

Why Emotional Stress Affects Women’s Bodies So Deeply

Chronic relational stress disrupts the HPA axis (hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis), which governs stress hormones.

This impacts:

  • Cortisol regulation
  • Progesterone production
  • Oestrogen balance
  • Ovulation and menstrual cycles

This is why emotional stress can cause:

  • Heavy or prolonged periods
  • Hormonal imbalance
  • Faintness or low blood pressure
  • Hospital admissions

Women don’t just experience stress psychologically.

We carry it physically.

The Core Truth About Survival Mode in Love

Avoidant partners regulate by leaving, a selfish act for their own self preservation and to maintain their narrative ‘As the good guy’ – Which sadly to you and to an outsider not in their orbit, is actually anything but.

Narcissistic partners regulate by controlling, they can’t control someone who starts to remember their own self worth, and who starts to call them out…

The person left behind regulates by breaking down internally.

They close the door, and your body absorbs the impact.

Grounding: Gently Returning the Body to Safety

If you are in survival mode, your body is not betraying you.

It is protecting you.

Healing does not come from forcing yourself to move on. It comes from restoring safety slowly:

  • Eating what you can, when you can
  • Sleeping without self-judgment
  • Reducing exposure to emotional chaos
  • Choosing calm over intensity

Your nervous system does not need answers.

It needs consistency, gentleness, and time.

My little tip…

This blog is written from my own lived experience.

I share my story, including weight loss, hormonal disruption, hospital admissions, and the physical effects of emotional abandonment, not for sympathy, but for validation. To them you may not matter, but the key thing is, you should matter to you. They tried to rob you of dignity, clarity, and validation… but you have to remember, stop investing all that into them, and protect yourself… I mean we literally have no hope right now when it comes to dating, do we girls? Because everyone left who isn’t taken has that much trauma they become Avoidants or Narcissists, however remember, our own trauma can simply be making us anxious attachments… we need to stop the cycle!

Too many women are told they are “too sensitive” when their bodies react to relational stress. In reality, these reactions are often normal nervous system responses to instability and loss of safety.

If this resonates with you, please know:

You are not broken.

Your body has been fighting for you.

What Would Happen If We Walked Away From Dating Apps in 2026?

Dating apps promised connection. Instead, they’ve left many of us anxious, disposable, and lonelier than ever.

My mum doesn’t believe me when I tell her that the only real way people meet these days is through dating apps. She’s from a different generation, one where people met through friends, work, chance encounters, or simple introductions. You met someone, you liked them, and you tried to make it work.

Today, dating feels nothing like that… it’s even hard to imagine, life was that simple, once!!

In 2026, dating apps dominate modern romance, yet, more people than ever feel emotionally burnt out, disconnected, and deeply unsure about love. So I keep asking myself the same question:

What would actually happen if we all made a conscious decision to walk away from dating apps?

Dating Apps and the Rise of Modern Dating Anxiety

There’s no denying it, dating apps have rewired how we connect.

Psychologically, they operate on the same reward systems as gambling: dopamine hits, intermittent validation, endless novelty. You swipe, you match, you wait. You check notifications. You compare. You question your worth.

Research over the last few years has consistently linked dating apps to:

  • Increased anxiety and stress
  • Lower self-esteem
  • Addictive usage patterns
  • Emotional burnout

So much so that users have attempted to sue dating apps, claiming the platforms are deliberately designed to encourage compulsive behaviour, emotional dependence, and prolonged singlehood rather than healthy relationships.

And honestly? I believe it, I have seen it with my own eyes, and my eyes are so tired of it..

Recently, I deleted Tinder and Bumble completely, I barely used Raya and have now set it to friends only. I thought everything was gone — until I realised I still had Hinge on my work phone. I hadn’t checked it in weeks.

There were 236 notifications.

And I didn’t feel excited. I didn’t feel curious.

I felt sick.

I didn’t even want to open it. I just wanted my pictures offline. I didn’t want to exist digitally anymore. That, in itself, says everything about what dating apps do to us. As soon as I clicked onto it, to delete, the universe spoke, on a dark reminder of why I want to be offline, lay before me on my screen, It was like I was being told… yes delete, delete, delete, because bad people lurk here…

The Illusion of Endless Choice

Dating apps sell the idea that more choice equals better outcomes, however psychologically, the opposite is often true.

Too much choice leads to:

  • Paralysis
  • Dissatisfaction
  • Constant comparison
  • A belief that something “better” is always out there

We find a diamond and still keep fucking digging anyway… why???

People become disposable, A face, A profile, A moment of interest, then… replaced. Not because something is wrong — but because the swipe never ends. It’s so cruel, not just to others but to ourselves..

We’ve become fickle and the apps reward it.

The Scariest Part of Online Dating: The 3–4 Week Pattern

This is the part nobody wants to admit — because once you see it, you can’t unsee it.

You meet someone, You talk every day, The connection feels consistent, Warm and Promising.

Then you hit week three or week four.

And something changes.

Replies slow down, Effort drops, the tone shifts. Suddenly they’re busy. Work is stressful. Life is overwhelming. They’ve got so much on.

The good mornings , the good nights disappear. The curiosity fades.

And you’re left asking:

Why does it always seem to end here? Why do people stop trying at the exact same point?

Dating apps encourage people to fantasise rather than commit, its all words and no action, To chase excitement without responsibility. To invest emotionally just enough, until someone else catches their eye.

Because someone always does.

A girl drops into their DMs. A new face swipes right. And before you know it, the excuses begin:

“I didn’t get a chance to reply.”

“I’ve been exhausted.”

“I’ve just been really busy.”

It’s not that they suddenly became busy.

It’s that their attention moved elsewhere… and it hurts…

When You Have a Good Heart, This Hurts More

This pattern cuts deeper when you’re someone who leads with sincerity, when your heart is pure, and you just simply hope for a glimmer of happiness in love…

When you like someone, you focus. You don’t browse. You don’t keep your options open “just in case.” Once you’ve met someone, you don’t feel the need to even look at an app.

So when things fade — again — it makes you question everything:

Who do I get close to?

Who do I trust?

When is it safe to let my barriers down?

As a woman, I sometimes wish I could be colder, more guarded, less emotionally available. Like friends of mine who can detach easily and give nothing away, and play the complete bitch, and they get treated like absolute royalty..

But I can’t help who I am.

And that softness — in a swipe culture — feels like a liability…

The Emotional Cost of Subtle Withdrawal

What makes this even harder is how quiet the withdrawal is.

If you’re intuitive, you feel it instantly. You notice the shift before it’s acknowledged. The delayed replies. The lack of effort. The energy change.

So when it happens again, it’s not just disappointment — it’s exhaustion.

It makes you not want to date at all. Not because you don’t want love, but because you’re tired of walking the same emotional loop with different faces.

Sometimes, you wish the internet didn’t exist, because people used to learn how to love. They worked through boredom. They chose each other. They didn’t disappear when novelty wore off.

Now, instead of asking “Can I grow with this person?”

People ask “Who else is out there?”

And that question alone destroys connection.

This is why celibacy is so key, because we can give part of our souls, but at least our body can remain untouched and we can hold onto some dignity. The real sadness these days, is how a lot of women, do give their bodies up too early, too freely, and the men take take take.. so you’ve given everything and feel left with nothing, and it hits you twice as hard.

Are Dating Apps Really How Most People Meet?

Despite how dominant apps feel, the data tells a different story.

While dating app usage has skyrocketed over the last decade, most long-term relationships still don’t start online. Even now, the majority of couples meet through:

  • Friends
  • Work
  • Social circles
  • Shared interests
  • Real-world environments

Apps feel unavoidable, but they aren’t the only way. They’ve just become the loudest.

What If We Walked Away From Dating Apps in 2026?

If we collectively stepped back, even temporarily, something interesting might happen.

  • Effort would return — because access wouldn’t be endless
  • Presence would matter more than performance
  • People would have to communicate instead of disappearing
  • Traditions would slowly reinstall themselves

When temptation isn’t constantly in your pocket, you’re more likely to lean into what’s in front of you.

And maybe — just maybe — if we stepped away from apps once we met someone, we’d actually try. We’d communicate. We’d work through discomfort instead of escaping it.

Choosing Depth in a World Addicted to Dopamine

As I step into 2026, I don’t have all the answers when it comes to love. I don’t know where life will take me romantically. What I do know is that I’m no longer willing to participate in something that leaves me feeling anxious, disposable, or disconnected from myself. I have hopes, I have dreams, I have affection, right now even desire, and I know where my heart points… but still trying to remain the ever optimist, and hope somewhere in this big wide world, a good man who aligns still exists.. somewhere.. maybe an ocean away… but there will be that man in the world, who brings calm, brings smiles, and brings a genuine love…

Right now, I’m single and you know what I’m okay with that… because I know my worth and what I deserve… and what’s more so If I feel the tone change, trust me, I will switch off quicker than any guy saying ‘Sorry Ive had a busy day’ – FU and FU …

So until a man asks me to be his girlfriend, his girl, until there is clarity, intention, and consistency — I choose to remain exactly where I am. Open-hearted, hopeful, but no longer available for half-effort, fantasy, or emotional breadcrumbs, darling, you we’re great for the 3 week Disney story, now I have shit to do, but yes, I use the word hopeful… you just never know, what’s around the corner!

Sadly Dating apps have trained us to believe that being alone is something to fix quickly, rather than something to sit with consciously. They’ve taught us that love is abundant but shallow, that connection is instant but disposable, and that if something feels hard, there’s always another option waiting.

But real love has never worked like that.

Love requires patience. It requires discomfort. It requires staying, even when the novelty fades and perhaps that’s why so many people feel lost now: not because love no longer exists, but because we’ve forgotten how to nurture it.

We’re living in a time where people want the feeling of connection without the responsibility of maintaining it. Where intimacy is mistaken for attention. Where consistency feels rare, and emotional safety feels almost radical.

And yet — despite all of this — I don’t believe love is gone.

I believe it’s quieter now. Slower. Less performative. I believe it exists in real conversations, in shared experiences, in moments that aren’t filtered or curated for an audience. I believe it grows when temptation isn’t constantly whispering in your pocket, telling you someone else might be better.

Maybe walking away from dating apps isn’t about rejecting modern dating entirely. Maybe it’s about reclaiming our nervous systems. Relearning how to be present. Choosing depth over dopamine.

Because when you remove endless choice, what’s left is intention.

When you remove constant comparison, what’s left is appreciation.

And when you remove distraction, what’s left is the possibility of something real.

So perhaps the question isn’t “How do we find love in 2026?”

But rather:

“How do we protect it when it shows up?”

And maybe — just maybe — the answer starts with putting the phone down, stepping back into the world, and allowing connection to unfold the way it always did… slowly, imperfectly, and humanly. Maybe the olden day love is still out there, maybe we just need to allow our eyes to glance further than our phone screens, and maybe we should just cherish the connections we do make.. making our own Hollywood ending…

You never know, maybe love is already in your life.. and you’ll find it when the distractions cease…