How do we look within, and begin to understand our bodies, and what sex means to them.

For most people, sex is about attraction, lust, stimulation and pleasure, but what is we can have all that and more, what if we can have more, enjoy more, and go beyond the realms of what is the norm.

How can we harness our energy flows, to become better lovers, for ourselves and for our partner, how can we go beyond orgasm, to orgasms that blow both our own mind and our partners. The way we determine sex, is very black and white, we like, we fancy, we fuck, we enjoy, our primal instinct desires pleasure and we deliver it to ourselves, and it seems to please the other person to, great, job done!!! Really? The fact is most people on this planet actually consider theirselves a good lover, but demonstrations in their being and how they treat others, determines the egotistical ones from the genuine.

If you think about it, everything in nature has a sexual energy, from pollination, to animals, to humans, everything has a sex drive, effectively it’s what makes the world go round. So when your tinder date tells you, they have a high sex drive, well sorry mate so does 99% of the world, sex is at the centre of life, everything we look at around us, has been driven by desire.

What is sex? What does sex mean to you, let’s take a moment to think, what are the words that come to mind when you think about sex? Think of 5 words that spring to mind when we think about sex – just sit for 30 seconds now, and what words and thoughts come into your head?

How do you see sex? Is t something you can live without, something you cannot live without? How do you see your relationship with sex? Have you ever sat down and thought about your sexual being, and what sex truly means to you? If you have never sat down and reflected on past sex, why not? It’s thinking like this, that builds our knowledge and understanding of sex and love.

Choose several past lovers, and write down, what they meant to you, the best sex with them, and the worst sex with them? Why was it good, why was it bad? Why are they not still lovers? Where did they go? We seem to simply close the book and move onto the next, with the term ‘its not you its me’ , installed into our brains, we could of been better at stacking the dishwasher, we could of been less argumentative, but do we ever look to those relationships and think ‘We could of been better lovers’ … NO we don’t because we all think we are fucking great in bed! We cannot even bruise our own ego’s by thinking anything less.. why can we put ourselves down and address issues, in every other aspect, but addressing our own love making, NOPE we can’t do that, women perhaps some of us, but hey can you imagine a guy sat there, thinking, ‘Oh if only I had been less selfish” ‘Oh if only I had been more open minded’ , Guys do not think like this, they possess a level of ego in this department, that blocks out any negative thinking , that can question (in their eyes) their masculinity.

So how do we become better lovers?

We need to tune ourselves into directing our sexual energy to achieve our sexual goals, to be able to experience that higher, intense level of sexual consciousness, we need to understand ourselves and others more.

As a writer who takes time to ground, chakra cleanse and deeply connect with myself, I have began to seek learning and development in the art of sex and personal development, because whilst I know my own abilities, I feel I’m a bad judge of person when it comes to connecting to others, I feel personally for me, I buy into a fantasy more, and as that persons true colours emerge later on down the line, I start to find them ugly, and see beyond their flirt or sexual chat, and I feel of late, I have saved myself from one or two people, where in the initial instance I thought wow, the sexual flow and energy together is a positive charge, but as immaturity, disregard to other humans, and selfishness has become apparent, I find myself thinking thank fuck, I was never physically intimate, because we would of ‘fucked’ mauybe had a cuddle, but my body wouldn’t have reached that soul connection, so whilst it may have been a 7/8 (prob thanks to me) , i’m craving an 11, and this is why seeking celibacy and time on my own for development and self admiration is key. We spend so many years in relationships, where we just do not have the key time to give to ourselves, and MY GOD is the year 40 for me a time to do that!

Have you heard of sexual transmutation ? Changing our sexual being, and developing its form, taking that raw dense sexual energy taking it from chaos to a higher level.

Sexual energy can control us, from setting imbalance, in our hormones, creating irresponsible behaviours, disease, sexual dysfunction and chaotic emotions, sex can harm us, we look after our physical and mental beings, but how often have we thought about looking after our sexual beings? It needs to be nurtured to.

Transforming our sexual energy, can change our lives, from a deep moral understanding, to how we love ourselves and others around us, to simply having order in our own lives.

Benefits to aligning our sexual energy, can encourage drive, determination, physical energy, confidence, mental clarity, focus, self awareness, spirituality, provide ability to manifest and generally improve our overall lives. It is so key to point out, that this does not mean go out and sleep with someone, but more so sleep with yourself for a while. Only you know you, take time out from giving yourself to others, and have a relationship with yourself.

Recently I realised that my bad judge of character with sexual partners or lovers, was much more deep rooted that I thought it could be, Even now I look and think, wow how wrong was I, on judging that character, but that is what sexual desire and fantasy can do to us, lead us down negative paths, to people who simply take to pleasure their own boredom and fantasy, and it was this summer that made me realise, because I see the good in people, it is actually quite damaging and detrimental to my own being, i’m damaging my own self, in the quest of trying to please others, and win over the wrong people who don’t actually give a flying toots about me and my world, and trust me, the world is full of those, so I set off on a quest to help me strengthen my mind, my desires and my body. My mind set always will try and see ‘Glass half full’ however being realistic and protecting oneself, is not about negative mindset , there is nothing wrong with valuing yourself to protect.

For thousands of years different cultures have recognised sexual transformation and the importance of sex, and whilst sex through the ages transitioned itself to be condemned in some cultures, in others it transformed into a higher level. if we look at Tantric, Taoist and Kabbalah, yogic philosophy, seeing our sexual energy as dormant until we align and awaken with specific practices.

Take Carl Jung theory on Sexual alchemy and Freuds focus of sexual sublimination, how can we transform this raw energy and transcend it into something deeper with meaning and creativity, how do we enhance and develop it deeper.

It is a proven fact, those with a higher level of creative energy and skill, are better lovers, and whilst there is nothing wrong in enjoying regular sex , there is so much more than can be, than simply ‘Getting off with an orgasm’ , what if you can achieve more? Sexual transformation, is releasing energy and receiving pleasure in more ways than just being naked with some hot guy on top of you, its about how we connect to everything around us. Think about it after sex, we feel calm, at one, satisfied (most of the time), and we have temporarily given ourselves that ‘fix’ , but soon enough the hunger is back again, and again it needs feeding, our inner beast, never fully satisfied, so how can we channel that energy to reach that high level of pleasure in all we do,

Sexual abstinence and sexual expression, can lead you to incredible level of the most powerful transformations. Think about an orgasm, think of the energy created in that moment, a free-mind moment, where you don’t think, you are liberated, so how can we increase that feeling of oneness, imaging caging that power and energy for a short time, and learning what to do with that energy, that can build more intensity.

When driven by desire, we develop imagination, courage and tenacity, we want, we crave, we desire.. but when we achieve, for a negative, selfish lover its done then, the attraction is over, and they fulfilled their goal, you were nothing more than a means to an end goal, and that feeling can crush you, there is nothing worse in this world, than feeling that exploited and used. Even if we judge ourselves as good people, our sexual energy can cause us to hurt others, deeply, and we do not realise we do it, because for us our sexual energy is at the centre of our universe, getting ourselves off, overides our regard for how we treat others, and each of us are so capable of truly hurting others just to feed our own desires.

Sexual transformation isn’t about running away or overcoming your desire for sexual gratifcation, it is about transforming all that energy to take you to a higher state of understanding and development, it’s not about detaching yourself from sex, and going against nature, orgasm and pleasure is why we have g-spots and ca feel pleasure, they are something that are meant to be, so we don’t have to deny ourselves our birth right.

Its is important to look at how we feel and what we feel, lets not just label it off as ‘sexual energy’ what do we feel is sexual energy? How does it make us feel? How can we observe and begin to feel stimulation without physical touch? When we think of sex, what led us to think of it? Observe the path, observe what led us there.

Let’s try and go without sex for a week or two, lets think about the negative and positive emotions that manifest over that period, some of us will flourish, some of us will struggle, it will give you clarity on whether abstinence or expression is right for you.

Let’s try and visualise, let’s use our minds to take ourselves higher, without touch or physical sex. Think about your drive in life, what are you working to achieve, now as you engage in sex and are about to reach that point of orgasm, visualise that goal, that dream, ans the image you are creating in your head can give a profound more higher-ful energy flow, and whilst, we do not want to be dismissive to our partners, it would be in itself, simply like an orgasm we have anyway, when in that moment of climax do we think of anyone but ourselves? So please do not feel any guilt with visualisation.

Let’s try and focus on reaching that tantric edge, the point to which you are so close to orgasm, but edging and taking it back, the on off flow, of keep building to that higher level over and over again.

Another way, something I truly enjoy, is regulating and focusing on breath-work, breathing slowly, and connecting with your sexual energy, feeling it build inside, as you breathe out, take that energy with you, let it rise and fall, bringing balance and helping you brim on the edge, encouraging that energy to ride up and down your spine, move and ride with it, in motion, as you breathe and connect to your partner, feel their energy connect with your spine, your genitals, engaging in breath work together, locking eye contact and close body contact, is key in developing your sexual relationship with each other and on your own.

Not everyone is able to connect or wants to connect with their chakra, but by learning to ground and working towards cleansing your Chakras, this can work to align and channel your sexual energy through your body.

The ways to develop your sexual relationship with yourself and others, is a lot deeper than what people think, people dismiss sex and its enormity and see it as a means to an end, people fail to see just how sexual energy controls us, how it can take over our lives, the lack of acknowledgement is what can ultimately make us selfish lovers, people, an d without understanding our own sexual beings and needs, how can we expect others to.

Take time to reconnect with yourselves, and learn to self love and appreciate, understand how directing those strong sexual desires and learning how to channel, can develop who we are, and how we treat others.. it takes more than stamina to truly be a good lover, lets look after our mind, body and soul…