What are you looking for, looks or personality?

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I mean do we know the answer to this? One day it can all seem so clear, we know exactly, and then the next, it’s like hmmmm!!

Even in my sexual prime, I’m at a stand still thinking, I cannot be arsed with this! Ok, lets correct that., I can be arsed with sex, Jesus, however its what comes after that! I struggle to go from APP to text and then the impossible seems to be meet! The need for touch is very real, but the need for stress is not so real.

You get me?

Ok so, we all have a type, yes? I’m rather specific, perhaps too specific, oh maybe who am I kidding, they’re all bloody clones of each other. Although recent guy, lovely person, a Barrister from Manchester, great chat, and totally admired the field he practised in, however in the words of my best friend ‘I think he gives you the ick’ , I mean I’m not 100% sure on that, but he was very different looking than my normal type, but I think she meant in the chat, as he seemed to agree with me, and if I said black was my fave colour, there is a high probability he would of said the same, something just did not feel right in our chats, and maybe because my heart is elsewhere, however it did make me think, what am I actually looking for? How do we strike the balance, between kind and genuine, but not too soft!

I mean who we think we want in our heads, do not always match up to who our hearts and sexual beings desire. We have this image in our heads, 6ft 2, dark thick hair, good arms and athletic shape, and nice eyes and lips, (ok I told you I was specific and probably describing the man I’m infatuated with there, (well no probably, I am), however, why do I find myself sexually drawn to those who aren’t my type, and girls we have all been there, plain old Joe blogs, giving us the flutters! We deny it and think ‘WTF’ but isn’t chemistry a strange thing.

We all want that mate, who is easy live with, stress free and looks good, but I don’t know if you’re like me, I have had that, and the first few years are fabulous, but statistics have shown, those stress free relationships we have all craved, when we get them, actually lead to the biggest infidelities of all. Its getting the cocktail just right isn’t it, having a bit of that, but also needing that obsession with them to, we can love and like, and have great sex, but do they drive us wild? Are they a fantasy and someone who would probably test us and change our world a little, yes we may be in the safety of Mr or Miss nice, cosy nights in and cuddles on the couch, and good sex, but what if we went for wild sex, someone out the box, someone who drives us wild. Have you ever met someone, and even though you’re friends, every time you stop and talk to them, your head is saying ‘Kiss him’ – Yes he may be married off, but the intensity of wanting him, can be crazy, so much so you have to force yourself to not think him and ban him from your head, now that us the shit that will get me settled down!

Take the show ‘Love is blind’ – the concept of this show, is strangers talking for hours on end through a wall, and over 3 weeks of fall in love with the person that they have never even lay eyes on, I mean this is tough, they cannot even describe their physical attributes, its an experiment based on getting to know someone for who they are, and OMG I have been here, I was surprised at the time, but I had a head start, I had matched this person, and our kiss after our first date has been something else, but the relationship (ok situationship) developed through hours and hours of texts and talk, to the point I was shocked at what feelings I had, I had fallen in love, so when the ‘Its not you its me’ chat came from him, it actually effected me like a real break up, I lost weight and I never wanted to chat to a guy again, and this was just one date, but calls and texts every day for months, so the concept of ‘Love is blind’ actually is so amazing, because again this guy was good looking, but line him up against previous exes and he was a good 7, but not the type you’d be like WOW, and I think this guy had a fondness for me, but he settled elsewhere, and whilst part of me is probably still a little in love, we have to move on, and I did and have, but Guess in life there will be these people that we are drawn to and they may not be the normal type we go for, but what if something had of developed?

Sexual attraction is a desire to become sexually involved with someone. While it often occurs alongside romantic attraction, they are not the same. Sexual chemistry can happen without a romantic attraction, and this can be a real problem, because the evolution of dating apps, draws us to who we are sexually attracted to, without knowing the person, (do we ever read the BS in bios) , and sometimes as much as we can be, wow he’s fit, once we get chatting, we can tell pretty quickly if there is going to be longevity in the conversation, and once we realise there is no romantic long term spark there, we move on very quickly.

I guess we just have to choose wisely and hope one day we strike a balance, and we will know, because when we find our true life mate, it won’t be because its easy, because its relaxed and no drama, it will be when sex with anyone else will never enter our minds, and we aren’t doing our best like a dog with a bone, to bury the thought of someone else.. because however much we try, we cannot live a life banning someone from our thoughts… so don’t move in till that mind is free… and also never just settle, for what we think our minds want and need, lets listen to our bodies to.. it all has to connect!

Are we Dating the Same Guy

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Yes I have been a bit MIA, however I feel, I have been on a bit of a journey, or should I say experiment, in order to obtain material, for more juicy posts.

The story of dating in the 2020’s… the rise and popularities of these groups, has brought a lot of women expectations on availability to a fucking full stop! FOREVER! However a few months later, we try the apps again, and crash, bang, wallop, we’re back in the same spot.

What is failing us ladies in 2024 dating, we sit their overthinking, and taking everything so personal, however my journey of dating and sharing the experiences of others, as made me and again others, come to the realisation, that the divide amongst the sexes has never been bigger.

As women we are at a point where we even look to lower our standards because we try and meet ‘a nice guy’ – well ALERT Girls, that will not be happening again in a rush! I mean I’m not saying being fucked over by a 9/10 is any better, but wow, we are just here as lab rats boosting the self esteem of guys we wouldn’t normally look at, and their ego’s are making them think they’re an 11!!!

The way I see it, and friends of mine see it, is they’re all just fat kids in a sweet shop, hungry and greedy, the little Augustus Gloops of the adult dating world, with their dirty hands spread muck and filth and stickiness across everything in their path! We really need to be more Willy Wonka and fuck these greedy kids off, yet as women, it seems to be in our DNA like some big life impairment that we think we will be the ‘one to make a difference’ 😂😂😂😂 , we want to be the Mary Poppins and save all the children!

The rise of ‘Are we dating the same guy Groups’ gives dating a bit of a safety net and a comical view, what on earth has society become, that we have to beg for information on the guy we have just matched to. There feels a real sadness that women have to resort to this, but at the same time, there should be a realisation that we are enabling this, it is a vicious circle. The new circle of life, hope for love, give our minds and bodies to these guys who seem genuine, in the hope they’re the new ‘one’ , and get fucked off! They are all 3 date wonders max girls! Why? Because when we open up and give our mind and even our bodies, to them, its a notch, a body count’ and the next one is just a swipe away. So all these middle aged men and lets face it, some only a 6/7 at best, with their love handles, hair systems, and botox’d to death faces, think they’re Gods fucking gift! I noticed this year, I thought ok, lets chat to guys I wouldn’t normally look at, and Jesus, I think they’re the worse! Growing up average at best so not having the best of luck with women, then suddenly make a bit of money and have a glow up, and they’re banging (or trying to bang) anything that moves. Dating to these guys has become a hyper fixation, a woman a day, keeps the ugly guy at bay! We are feeding their EGO’s girls.

Sadly I feel dating apps and the swipe culture has killed, what we know as romance, I think we are truly past the point of no return.. and I don’t say that easily. We are in a throw away society and this isn’t just about the clothes we wear on our back, we have become just as disposable, and our hearts and souls, and goodness as the women we are, are just enabling it to happen more and more.

‘Are we dating the same guy’ Groups, Christina Wang of Virginia Beach, murdered her husband after he appeared on ‘Are we dating the same guy’, Then a group post led to a woman being murdered by her ex she shared info over, and recently in May 2024, an Irish guy was driven to suicide because someone posted about him, thankfully he survived, but what are we all doing to each other, we should be making Love not War, but this does truly feel like a war of the sexes, Man Vs Woman, we are dicing with death, just to find out if guys are good guys, when sadly around 70% of men 30-45 are not wanting to be in relationships. Guys are bored of relationships it seems, they are living the Wayne Linekar lifestyle, pulling women 15-20 years younger than them,, they are living their best dream, and technically there isn’t anything illegal in the way they are living their lives, but as women, perhaps we are the ones who need to realise, Mr Marbella 2024, has found his own path, and even a 10, isn’t going to pursuede him otherwise. They may give the spiel, how they want cosy nights, want a partner in crime, or … wait for it… a ride or die, I recently got told! Come on Lols at that! However one of the sad things about these groups is, they should be ANONYMOUS, but because guys have friends, family, potentials, on these groups, wanting to score brownie points, post after post is being shared with the guy, and what a shame, I feel they’re out of control now.

Deep down I know for a fact that some of the 30% ‘Good boys’ are still thinking about fucking other women, trying to ban that woman they lust after, out of their mind. So whilst they’re banishing other women from their mind, and technically physically not cheating, the fact they desire someone else, shows a lot, and I have male mates who have openly admitted this, when they have amazing partners. What they should be doing is being with the person they sexually desire, not the women who feels safe, prettier, etc, because the woman they crave will be the one to keep that dopamine going for a life time.

Personally for me, dating, I have no qualms at all checking someone out, all you need these days is a name and age, and you can find anything if you look in the right places.

However remember posting on these groups can lead to Death, and threats, and after my friend recently posted my experience, I then received the most awful call, and guys, blame you girls… they don’t think of their actions are what drove you or your friend to post about them, they just HATE you, but as I said to someone lately, actions lead to reactions, and this is dating 2024!

If we all took the oath of celibacy and deleted our apps for a month, the world would be a better place… and men may learn some manner, respect and most of all MORALS, because why do they need them now? They piss one girl off and hurt one girl, they take another out the next night… easy prey…

The female. Vs The Male – Midlife crisis

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The female. Vs The Male – Midlife crisis

Firstly, what is a midlife crisis?

Carl Jung identified this as a normal part of maturing, a peak of adulting, we climb up the stairs of age, and then we peak and plateau, and life becomes a tad dull, we don’t know what to do, or what to expect? Is the only way off this landing, down?

It’s a feeling of ‘we want to be young and down with the kids’ but realistically we are neither young or old, we are in the middle, and we don’t want to see that, feel that, believe that.

Often seen as depression, we are at an emotional transition in life, taking a view of where we are, what we have achieved and a glance into where we are heading.

The Male midlife crisis over the years has been called the Porsche era, a man will start to look at his younger friends, and want what they have, being a dad, living the 2.4 lifestyle scares them, the realisation that this is life, starts to bare down on their dad bod, so they try and hit the gym to prove that their 38 year old dad bod, can still look as ripped as their 28 year old saturday night hang-out buddies. They start to look at their wives and mothers of their children thinking ‘Is this it?’ , is this the woman I should be with, and they start to develop the ‘mid-life ego’ and start to want to date, childless 26 year olds.

As a woman with many younger single friends, the stories I hear of 40 year old men, trying to step-mum off 26 year olds, just blows my mind. It makes me realise just how selfish men can be when they think with their dicks.

My girl won’t mind me using her story, but my friend is 28, stunning, pre baby body, no ties, decent job, no baggage, no emotional instability (she hides it well, she stalks and has bad mental health days like every other woman, but he deems her as private, she’s perfect! However, her man who is 39 has expressed he may consider another child, may….. and so she has told him, she isn’t fussed about kids, and may decide on one.. but really (I know her well, and trust me I have been her before) , she wants 2-3 kids, but she loves older men, the stability, and she happily plays step mum again, second time around for her, until soccer drop offs, and becoming tea becomes too much, and festivals and holidays start, then being step mum, just doesn’t have the same love when summer hits.

I was 31 when I met 44 year old Manuel and 45 year old Bruno, successful, millionaires, living the dream, but they didn’t want children, and so at 31 I didn’t think I really did, so I was happy telling them I didn’t want kids either. I wanted a future, especially at the time with Manuel, he was the epitome of James Bond crossed with Jude law, likewise, Spanish and Irish mixed, with a posh english accent, an Aston martin and oh my goodness, did that man look good in a tux, he was what every young woman who likes older guys, would crave, and no weird Christian grey shit, just a hot guy and hotter sex. It was defiantly a fantasy fuck, the same with Bruno my hot Austrian captain, with the best penthouse overlooking JBR. My life in that year was probably one of the best in my life sexually, but at the time, was I really willing to sacrifice not having children for love, lust? At the time I didn’t mind, but at 31, I didn’t know what I wanted, and I for sure couldn’t have lived that life, if they’d have had children, knowing I would be bringing up their children and not my own, or perhaps persuading them to have one more? Maybe? Deep down I knew, after the fun wore off, resentment would have set in.



We can’t fight a guys mid-life crisis, we have to let them do their thing, until they wake up one day, and think yep i’m 40. For those of us who have a partner going through this, the signs will be there, the questioning of life, the quietness, the second glances at other women, the ‘I can still dress on trend’ , the ‘I’m still fit enough to cane the gym and play football every week’ .. and what do we do?



Now what is the female mid-life crisis ? How does it differ, I mean does it even differ? We are midlife, wen again, want to be young, but not, we want to wear short skirts, but they now need to be an inch or two longer, we refuse to cut our hair short, (we are not 65 yet), but the difference being, us women, Know the signs, and what is happening, we aren’t like men, we accept it, and we embrace it. We are inbetween seven year cycles, we hit a sexual peak at 35, our bodies and minds evolve mid 30’s and we become different, how we act, think, fuck, once we hit 35, the game changes we start to think of ourselves, for the first time in all the years, we fuck to please ourselves, we start to work harder on our bodies, we start to crave more sex, and unlike men, its not directed to someone ten years younger, its to anyone we find sexually appealling, age irrelevant, as long as they can keep up.

Women also become more open, more open with feelings, emotions and not afraid to show they’re passionate and feisty. We are no longer that young girl, that stays quiet and becomes a yes woman, to please her man, we are present.

‘Every man wants a woman with a big heart, but what men don’t understand is a woman with a big heart, comes with BIG emotions. She is passionate, she cares, she gets sad, she gets impatient, and she loves you like no other. You can’t have a woman with a big heart and expect her to have small emotions’

This quote rings so true, if you’re used to dating younger women, then can you really handle and older more confident woman?? A man who is insecure, or facing his own midlife crisis, will not be able to handle a confident woman his own age, but a man who has passed the man-child phase will.

So if men around the 40 mark are dating and marrying off 30 year olds, who should us 40 year old women be dating? Do we date younger, do we date older? Do we stay where we are and date the same age? Do we want more kids? Younger guys means, 80% want for them to have their own kids? Can an older guy take on our kids, a younger guy take on our kids? I mean do we date men with kids, without kids? Does it even matter? Right now my own mind is in mega overdrive, do we over think this?

At 38 years old, I met my mid-life crisis with a bang, the reigns of a relationship tired me, being a size 18 saddened me, post natal depression over-powered me, and grief of loss, consumed me. I crashed and hit a wall, I needed to change me, my world, my future.. and I let my midlife crisis flow, and wow what a 2 years it has been…..Ssssh the rest is secret!

Reaching out to our higher sexual being..

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How do we look within, and begin to understand our bodies, and what sex means to them.

For most people, sex is about attraction, lust, stimulation and pleasure, but what is we can have all that and more, what if we can have more, enjoy more, and go beyond the realms of what is the norm.

How can we harness our energy flows, to become better lovers, for ourselves and for our partner, how can we go beyond orgasm, to orgasms that blow both our own mind and our partners. The way we determine sex, is very black and white, we like, we fancy, we fuck, we enjoy, our primal instinct desires pleasure and we deliver it to ourselves, and it seems to please the other person to, great, job done!!! Really? The fact is most people on this planet actually consider theirselves a good lover, but demonstrations in their being and how they treat others, determines the egotistical ones from the genuine.

If you think about it, everything in nature has a sexual energy, from pollination, to animals, to humans, everything has a sex drive, effectively it’s what makes the world go round. So when your tinder date tells you, they have a high sex drive, well sorry mate so does 99% of the world, sex is at the centre of life, everything we look at around us, has been driven by desire.

What is sex? What does sex mean to you, let’s take a moment to think, what are the words that come to mind when you think about sex? Think of 5 words that spring to mind when we think about sex – just sit for 30 seconds now, and what words and thoughts come into your head?

How do you see sex? Is t something you can live without, something you cannot live without? How do you see your relationship with sex? Have you ever sat down and thought about your sexual being, and what sex truly means to you? If you have never sat down and reflected on past sex, why not? It’s thinking like this, that builds our knowledge and understanding of sex and love.

Choose several past lovers, and write down, what they meant to you, the best sex with them, and the worst sex with them? Why was it good, why was it bad? Why are they not still lovers? Where did they go? We seem to simply close the book and move onto the next, with the term ‘its not you its me’ , installed into our brains, we could of been better at stacking the dishwasher, we could of been less argumentative, but do we ever look to those relationships and think ‘We could of been better lovers’ … NO we don’t because we all think we are fucking great in bed! We cannot even bruise our own ego’s by thinking anything less.. why can we put ourselves down and address issues, in every other aspect, but addressing our own love making, NOPE we can’t do that, women perhaps some of us, but hey can you imagine a guy sat there, thinking, ‘Oh if only I had been less selfish” ‘Oh if only I had been more open minded’ , Guys do not think like this, they possess a level of ego in this department, that blocks out any negative thinking , that can question (in their eyes) their masculinity.

So how do we become better lovers?

We need to tune ourselves into directing our sexual energy to achieve our sexual goals, to be able to experience that higher, intense level of sexual consciousness, we need to understand ourselves and others more.

As a writer who takes time to ground, chakra cleanse and deeply connect with myself, I have began to seek learning and development in the art of sex and personal development, because whilst I know my own abilities, I feel I’m a bad judge of person when it comes to connecting to others, I feel personally for me, I buy into a fantasy more, and as that persons true colours emerge later on down the line, I start to find them ugly, and see beyond their flirt or sexual chat, and I feel of late, I have saved myself from one or two people, where in the initial instance I thought wow, the sexual flow and energy together is a positive charge, but as immaturity, disregard to other humans, and selfishness has become apparent, I find myself thinking thank fuck, I was never physically intimate, because we would of ‘fucked’ mauybe had a cuddle, but my body wouldn’t have reached that soul connection, so whilst it may have been a 7/8 (prob thanks to me) , i’m craving an 11, and this is why seeking celibacy and time on my own for development and self admiration is key. We spend so many years in relationships, where we just do not have the key time to give to ourselves, and MY GOD is the year 40 for me a time to do that!

Have you heard of sexual transmutation ? Changing our sexual being, and developing its form, taking that raw dense sexual energy taking it from chaos to a higher level.

Sexual energy can control us, from setting imbalance, in our hormones, creating irresponsible behaviours, disease, sexual dysfunction and chaotic emotions, sex can harm us, we look after our physical and mental beings, but how often have we thought about looking after our sexual beings? It needs to be nurtured to.

Transforming our sexual energy, can change our lives, from a deep moral understanding, to how we love ourselves and others around us, to simply having order in our own lives.

Benefits to aligning our sexual energy, can encourage drive, determination, physical energy, confidence, mental clarity, focus, self awareness, spirituality, provide ability to manifest and generally improve our overall lives. It is so key to point out, that this does not mean go out and sleep with someone, but more so sleep with yourself for a while. Only you know you, take time out from giving yourself to others, and have a relationship with yourself.

Recently I realised that my bad judge of character with sexual partners or lovers, was much more deep rooted that I thought it could be, Even now I look and think, wow how wrong was I, on judging that character, but that is what sexual desire and fantasy can do to us, lead us down negative paths, to people who simply take to pleasure their own boredom and fantasy, and it was this summer that made me realise, because I see the good in people, it is actually quite damaging and detrimental to my own being, i’m damaging my own self, in the quest of trying to please others, and win over the wrong people who don’t actually give a flying toots about me and my world, and trust me, the world is full of those, so I set off on a quest to help me strengthen my mind, my desires and my body. My mind set always will try and see ‘Glass half full’ however being realistic and protecting oneself, is not about negative mindset , there is nothing wrong with valuing yourself to protect.

For thousands of years different cultures have recognised sexual transformation and the importance of sex, and whilst sex through the ages transitioned itself to be condemned in some cultures, in others it transformed into a higher level. if we look at Tantric, Taoist and Kabbalah, yogic philosophy, seeing our sexual energy as dormant until we align and awaken with specific practices.

Take Carl Jung theory on Sexual alchemy and Freuds focus of sexual sublimination, how can we transform this raw energy and transcend it into something deeper with meaning and creativity, how do we enhance and develop it deeper.

It is a proven fact, those with a higher level of creative energy and skill, are better lovers, and whilst there is nothing wrong in enjoying regular sex , there is so much more than can be, than simply ‘Getting off with an orgasm’ , what if you can achieve more? Sexual transformation, is releasing energy and receiving pleasure in more ways than just being naked with some hot guy on top of you, its about how we connect to everything around us. Think about it after sex, we feel calm, at one, satisfied (most of the time), and we have temporarily given ourselves that ‘fix’ , but soon enough the hunger is back again, and again it needs feeding, our inner beast, never fully satisfied, so how can we channel that energy to reach that high level of pleasure in all we do,

Sexual abstinence and sexual expression, can lead you to incredible level of the most powerful transformations. Think about an orgasm, think of the energy created in that moment, a free-mind moment, where you don’t think, you are liberated, so how can we increase that feeling of oneness, imaging caging that power and energy for a short time, and learning what to do with that energy, that can build more intensity.

When driven by desire, we develop imagination, courage and tenacity, we want, we crave, we desire.. but when we achieve, for a negative, selfish lover its done then, the attraction is over, and they fulfilled their goal, you were nothing more than a means to an end goal, and that feeling can crush you, there is nothing worse in this world, than feeling that exploited and used. Even if we judge ourselves as good people, our sexual energy can cause us to hurt others, deeply, and we do not realise we do it, because for us our sexual energy is at the centre of our universe, getting ourselves off, overides our regard for how we treat others, and each of us are so capable of truly hurting others just to feed our own desires.

Sexual transformation isn’t about running away or overcoming your desire for sexual gratifcation, it is about transforming all that energy to take you to a higher state of understanding and development, it’s not about detaching yourself from sex, and going against nature, orgasm and pleasure is why we have g-spots and ca feel pleasure, they are something that are meant to be, so we don’t have to deny ourselves our birth right.

Its is important to look at how we feel and what we feel, lets not just label it off as ‘sexual energy’ what do we feel is sexual energy? How does it make us feel? How can we observe and begin to feel stimulation without physical touch? When we think of sex, what led us to think of it? Observe the path, observe what led us there.

Let’s try and go without sex for a week or two, lets think about the negative and positive emotions that manifest over that period, some of us will flourish, some of us will struggle, it will give you clarity on whether abstinence or expression is right for you.

Let’s try and visualise, let’s use our minds to take ourselves higher, without touch or physical sex. Think about your drive in life, what are you working to achieve, now as you engage in sex and are about to reach that point of orgasm, visualise that goal, that dream, ans the image you are creating in your head can give a profound more higher-ful energy flow, and whilst, we do not want to be dismissive to our partners, it would be in itself, simply like an orgasm we have anyway, when in that moment of climax do we think of anyone but ourselves? So please do not feel any guilt with visualisation.

Let’s try and focus on reaching that tantric edge, the point to which you are so close to orgasm, but edging and taking it back, the on off flow, of keep building to that higher level over and over again.

Another way, something I truly enjoy, is regulating and focusing on breath-work, breathing slowly, and connecting with your sexual energy, feeling it build inside, as you breathe out, take that energy with you, let it rise and fall, bringing balance and helping you brim on the edge, encouraging that energy to ride up and down your spine, move and ride with it, in motion, as you breathe and connect to your partner, feel their energy connect with your spine, your genitals, engaging in breath work together, locking eye contact and close body contact, is key in developing your sexual relationship with each other and on your own.

Not everyone is able to connect or wants to connect with their chakra, but by learning to ground and working towards cleansing your Chakras, this can work to align and channel your sexual energy through your body.

The ways to develop your sexual relationship with yourself and others, is a lot deeper than what people think, people dismiss sex and its enormity and see it as a means to an end, people fail to see just how sexual energy controls us, how it can take over our lives, the lack of acknowledgement is what can ultimately make us selfish lovers, people, an d without understanding our own sexual beings and needs, how can we expect others to.

Take time to reconnect with yourselves, and learn to self love and appreciate, understand how directing those strong sexual desires and learning how to channel, can develop who we are, and how we treat others.. it takes more than stamina to truly be a good lover, lets look after our mind, body and soul…

He’s just not that into you… or is he?

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Do you feel it’s always you sending the first text? It’s annoying as Hell isn’t it, beyond frustrating, like where are all the gentlemen hiding!

The last thing anyone wants to do is come across needy, when they could be actually the opposite, but it does get to a point of hurt, when you’re the one instigating all of the chat.

Do you wonder what would happen if you didn’t contact him? Do you worry romance will fade? Does it feel that every week, you tell yourself ‘I’m not going to text him’ , but then after a few days you end up cracking.

When you text him, and he replies, do you sit there, thinking, ‘is he just bored, is he being polite, is he with anyone? It is so hard trying to figure men out, they play games, without realising they are playing games.

Lets talk about the reasons, it could be you texting first…

1.He has a crazy busy lifestyle

It is the simplest explanation but maybe he is just busy and stressed with life, so hasn’t got the time to sit and chat. You do need to think, if he doesn’t have time to chat, then he doesn’t really have the time for a relationship… sorry to say but true.

2. He just isn’t a texter

Guys just don’t communicate like girls do, I mean a % will, but its rare, and they don’t think like we do. Us women appreciate a ‘good morning text’ , ‘good night sweet dreams’ text, but only the very few gentlemen who feel lucky to have the girl will be thoughtful enough to do this, a clear indication if a guy likes you. If a guy is really into you, he will wake up in the morning, and want to text you, will want to see whats on your instagram story from the night before, he will do it without realising.

3. He isn’t sure on his feelings towards you, so doesn’t want to lead you on

Something about you intrigues him, but he isn’t sure if you’re right, if he’s ready for a relationship, or if he just wants to carry on playing the field, so rather than flirt with you (in his eyes by texting first may make you think he’s into you more than he is) , he probably does like you, and thats why he does think like this, but remember this isn’t about you, its about him. Some guys just don’t see what goodness is in front of them, and can talk theirselves out of what could be something incredible.

For guys like this, it really is worth not texting them, if they genuinely like you they will reach out, if they don’t reach out, you have your answer, and if you do not want the latter to happen, then we need to install the ‘Hero instinct’ , new psychology, has proved men want to be your hero.. take a peek at psychologist James Bauer, he provides great insight into the concept.

4. He is deliberately dangling the carrot and enjoying it..

There are guys out there sadly, that get off on the fantasy, that this gorgeous woman (you) wants them, wants them sexually and in every way, they fantasise about bumping into you, fantasise about you sexually, and get off on the idea that they could almost (in their heads) click their fingers and you would be there. This is a power trip and should be a huge red flag, run for the hills girls, because this man has issues. He does not deserve getting in your head. You’re worth more than a fantasy fuck.

5. He just wants to date and not commit to a relationship

You have probably been here yourself , liked someone but just not enough to give updating, and it could be they end up in your archived, but sadly it kills us, when this is returned, but this is the fact of life. This i not a reflection on your worth, please remember that. It could be he just isn’t looking for a relationship with anyone, or it could be he just isn’t sure if you are right for him just yet, and maybe he thinks he should cut you off, but can’t, because maybe he does consciously like you, or maybe he just can’t nail if he does or not. Confusing hey? But that’s human emotions for you…

No girl can convince a man to be with them, what tends to happen, is stereotypical, a guy will meet an amazing woman, but over time fish around, and then start to question if girl A (YOU) are right for him, in his head he will think, no I wouldnt be interested in girl B or girl C , if I liked girl A, and then the over thinking kicks in, but then when girl B and C disappear, he starts to think why is girl A. still around, or even still on his mind. You convince a man to like you girls, he will want someone to tick every box, but over time he will suddenly be like well she ticked 8 boxed out of 10 but is so special, and sadly by this time, you’d have been swept off your feet, by someone who doesn’t have to think twice.

Infatuation in a males mind, is driven deep by a primal drive, and yes you can introduce words and play on sexual compatiability , he is driven by sexual urge first and foremost, until he has time to think about this.

6. He has recently broken up with someone, or still in love with his ex?

Men just need time, and you wouldn’t want to rush or push. aman who is in this head space.

7. Perhaps he is just scared

Maybe they do not trust women, maybe they have been hurt, maybe they are scared of getting into another ‘shit’ relationship.

Men and women can hurt each other, and he may be fearful and genuine, in not wanting to rush, or be hurt again.

8. Maybe he just is not into you?

I am truly pained writing this, I find it a struggle, but maybe it is the reality we all need to face at times. Perhaps he asked for the first date , because of that primal drive, but after that it quickly died off. Anyone can read body language, and a first date body language speaks volumes, in an ideal world, you will meet and want to kiss each other straight away, but then sadly we can meet people and be given the ick, within minutes, nothing worse.

If the first date went amazing, then its pretty clear a second date will follow within two weeks, now unless he is the tinder swindler and faked the whole chemistry of the first date, then you know you’re onto a winner, if a second date proceeds, and girls never ask for a second date, remember that.

9. He is super arrogant, and thinks you will always text first.

Oh these are the ones that say they are confident, but actually just RUDE AF. He will think he is better than you, and above you, and feels it is you who needs to chase him, walk away girls, walk away.

10. They like to play hard to get, and test you

Can. we take a moment, to just YAWNNNNNN!!! Guys like this just like to play the game on who likes each other more… they will obviously want you to really show you are into them, but sadly for most women, give it a month, and we see a boy and not a man..

He will give off this air of arrogance (he will call it confidence) , make out he has other options, just to keep us on our toes, but this man likes a woman to crave him, and likes the fact she is on her toes, again something in our primal brain that kills the attraction and respect very quickly.

SO….

Yes it is 2023 but a man expecting a woman to do all the chasing is disrespectful, and the balance isn’t right, balance is key for longevity, in a true partnership and true love, respect is what holds the love together, without this… there is nothing, so always tell yourself this..

Endometriosis the silent war…

TheGirlWhoLeave a comment

So this post is a little different, its a post on where I want this blog to go, your own contributions…

Endometriosis, is the unspoken subject that , no-one really understands..

Endometriosis is a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the womb grows in other places, such as the ovaries and fallopian tubes.

Endometriosis can affect women of any age, including teenagers.

It’s a long-term condition that can have a significant impact on your life, but there are treatments that can help.

Date 18th Sept 2023 , Source,https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/endometriosis/

I mean do Doctors, educate us on Endo Belly? Do they advise us what to do, when we have a tampax in, and an overnight pad for day time use?? Do they advise us what else we can do than set 2 hour alarms each night? No… they don’t! So with sharing awareness we can look to educate each other..

I have taken the time to speak to a few of you, and share a few of your own experiences on just how Endometriosis can make you feel..

‘Endometriosis and PCOS have controlled my entire, teenage and adult life, and for the past year or two, I have suffered in extreme silence and hidden my struggle with everyone in my life. I was told by GP’s to basically ‘Man up’,and that I was lying because everything looked ‘Normal’ , that I was too. young for anything to be wrong, and most of all met with ‘Just go on the pill'(Don’t even get me started on this), worst of all the surgery I had done in 2019, hadn’t even been done properly! LADIES, PARENTS, SIBLINGS, EVERYONE… EXTREME PERIOD PAIN IS ‘NOT’ NORMAL!! If you feel you need the help, fight for it. Don’t wait like me until you’re in the back of an ambulance, not wanting to live through the pain any more. There is no award for suffering in silence. Today re-found many cysts and endometriosis adhesions in multiple areas of my body. … So yes , that pain causing my body to collapse and fit, the 24/7 chronic fatigue, and mental health struggles, ARE NOT NORMAL. Yes my diagnosis is a good, but the relief is indescribable

@parisaysabelle

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Since I was a teenager I’ve always had painful periods and was just told this was normal and to get on with it. I then started expecting painful intercourse as I got older and just knew something wasn’t right. I got diagnosed when I was 19 and have just had my 3rd surgery at age 25. Learning about Endo has been such a journey as it’s so under researched and I try to promote its awareness as much as I can. For me I used to suffer with the bloating, pain so bad I couldn’t stand, random bleeding, painful intercourse, and fatigue. Through trial and error I found out caffeine and vodka really trigger a flare up, I’ve also tried a keto diet to reduce my carb intake to help reduce the bloating. I’m now cycle syncing and have recently come off my contraceptive implant to try and control my symptoms more naturally and so far I’m doing okay but it’s all a big learning curve. The biggest thing for me is professionals almost don’t want to know and don’t often take you seriously 

I’ve helped raise money and awareness for Endo through photo shoots for an organisation my friend set up called making the invisible visible. It’s about showing the effects of invisible illnesses and we write words on our body that represent how our illness makes us feel but also how it makes us feel despite having the illness. I try not to let Endo define me as there is so much more to me than that but it’s so important to raise awareness for something that impacts 1 in 10 women 💛

@Charleyrodgers

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I have endo and adeno and it’s ruining my life it is under researched they just think it’s period pain and then their only solution is surgery which may relieve some symptoms not all as it grows back and they mistake for a hormone disorder when it’s a pain disability I can’t breathe properly walk sleep chest pains back pains bowl pain chronic fatigue and look physically sick when it flares up sending love and healing xxx 

@Christinajb_

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Endometriosis sucks! Sorry to be blunt, but some days I do not even want to get out of bed! I struggle to have sex, most positions kill me off, and I refuse, to leave my house until day 3/4! Men do not get it, Doctors do not get it, friends do not get it! It feels like people just think ‘It is a period, get over it’. It feels like people don’t want it to exist, and my work do NOT get it at all, no surprise, it is run by men!

Anon

The above is just 4 of the stories I was sent, and you can feel the hurt and anger that lies behind the misunderstanding of this illness.

Endometriosis for me is on my womb, my bladder, my bowel, its inside the cavity of the womb walls (adenomyosis), its fused my left ovary to the back of my womb, its left a ridiculous amount of scar tissue, making such a mess inside, its caused fibroids/ polyps, its led to a big mass (benign) on my right ovary, and cysts, its led me to 6 miscarriages, and it leaves me flooding with a simple sneeze. I cannot thank my ex enough, and any woman reading this who has a boyfriend, I think this illness, shows you just how good of a man you have, if they can help you shower, when you’re weak, scrub the mattress when you flood, and sit with you for hours in A&E, and understand his fave sexual position, may be your most painful, a good man is fundamental with this illness, because the anger, the pain, the passing out, the flooding, and the infertility is just to hard to deal with on our own, but we do because we’re women, and any shit life throws at us, we get through it, in all our glory, because we are WOMEN!

The Game..

TheGirlWho1 Comment

The game! Here is where we go wrong, I can write this, you can read it, but honestly it won’t change you or me…

Ok…

Girl meets boy, girl and boy chat nice things, sex things, marriage things. Girl goes on a date with boy, girl and boy have sex, girl goes home smiling. Girl texts boy to thank him for an amazing night, no answer, Girl calls boy in her lunch break, no answer. Girl texts after work, with deliver report on, still no answer from boy. Girl texts boy good night. Still no answer.

Two days pass, girl texts boy a few more times, still no answer. Girl thinks, has boy died? Is boy ok? Has boy fell down a mine and needs rescuing? Girl texts boy, “are you ok?” , no answer, girl is confused! Girl logs onto instagram, searches boy, boy updated status two hours ago, pheeeew! Boy is still alive! Girl thinks, maybe girl has done something wrong? Girl texts boy, girl apologises, for something, but not sure what, still no answer from boy! Girl over thinks, girl gets upset, girl cries, girl can’t eat, girl can’t sleep, girl feels sad.

Girls great auntie dies, girl texts boy to tell boy, still no answer, it gets worse, girls pet gerbil dies, girl texts boy, still no answer, girl cries again. Girl goes back to dating website, chats to more boys, but still girl texts original boy, girl thinks, girl compares all nice guys to boy, girl texts boy, still no answer….. Girl demands answers… Still no answer..

FUCK!!! When do we stop, this is what we do!! This is what us women do, I mean surely he is interested right? Surely he liked us right? This is what girls do… 

The best of it is, this situation isn’t just about boy??!!! It’s the challenge we like. Competitive or not, this is what we do! You could be the most beautiful girl on the planet, yet this will still happen with at least 1 or 2 guys in your life time, you could run your own successful businesses, yet still you become girl who lies on the couch not knowing what is going on! As women we like to win, we like to succeed, we like to know if there is a problem, because we are super human after all, we can fix anything, yes?

It’s not the boy that’s the goal here, it’s the contact! We need it, we fantasies about it, we feel we need it, in order to function! It’s the dopamine hit, the adrenaline, the addiction. Because every-time we speak to boy our dopamine levels are increased and we like that feeling, it’s the feeling we want and desire, not always the boy. Meanwhile boy is a big headed dick, who has just had his ego inflated even more. Sorry buddy, its not you the girl is chasing!!

Deep down, we know boy is a twat, not worth our time, any man who does that, is not worth it, good banter, good sex! Check your contacts girls, there are already several replacements awaiting your attention!

However none of them are boy! Boy becomes unreachable, and as humans we aim for what we can’t have! We desire what we can’t have.. We become addicted, an adrenalin rush, it heightens our sexual desires, wanting something we can’t have! We chase the thrill…

How do we stop this? How do we stop fantasising, that boy is having a bad week, and will get in touch, turn up with flowers, and be become the one… on rare occasions, after boy has fished around, boy does return, and does become mr perfect, maybe he did like you but was scared by commitment!!! Blah blah blah, I’m calling bull shit on that! If a guy is a genuine guy, he will want you, and no-one else. If a guy can fill your world with attention and disappear and have no thought about how much you like him, then what kind of human being is this?? Ghosting is cruel AF, and I hear it happening more and more. Guys will meet a girl, like a girl, but then a) Think the grass is greener b) be scared of liking the girl c) not feel ready for commitment … its quite simple. Men are a strange species, they think with their dicks, and when that initial lust dies, they want to move on, but guaranteed if you’re a good woman, they will orbit the fuck out of you, because they may like you a lot, and be intrigued by you, but overthink the situation massively. It’s like, part of them thinks Nah she’s not for me, but then there is a part of them, that is like ‘What is it about her’ , something even they can’t figure out, but their subconscious is perhaps more keen than they realise. 

Let’s think… I mean after all, as a sex, we are constantly over thinking to! What is it about boy, that makes him so special, if you took the chase out of it.. What is left? What can big offer you… He’s already shown you he bails? He’s already when you, that you are second to his über ego, yes already shown you, that he can hurt you, without a glimpse of guilt!! Is this the kind of man you need in your life? Was he really amazing, or was it just a big fat lie! To get you in his bed!

What we need, and I speak for myself here, is a man mature enough to know what he wants in life, a man to want love and happiness, and to realise maybe he does like the girl.. but men have so much variety at the touch of a button, and this is where it all goes wrong, because a man could meet mrs right forever, but still think he wants Mrs right now, fact is most guys are closed books even to theirselves, women can mess guys heads up to, they can wrestle with the weighing everything up, they will ponder back and forth, and sometimes reach the wrong decision without realising, but so can we, its called being human. We all fuck up, it’s part of the lesson of life, we let go of diamonds, men and women, sometimes we just don’t realise what we have at the time. This has happened a few times to me, I tend to date guys who are so laid back, they’re lay flat on their backs, and they can’t keep up with me, they find me immature, too chatty, too affectionate, but then they realise when they’re married off, or back being single, that wow she was really the best! I don’t say that easily, its just fact. Lets take Dave, now its been nearly 20 years since we dated, and every now and then he pops up, i’m sure he is on my block list on IG, but considering I have been moderately behaved in my 40 years, the return ratio of people reaching out every year or two, is bloody high. Some guys, I was never romantically involved with, but just have been in my orbit 10-20 years, like a strange little fixation, maybe I just bring energy to their day, but they watch every single work story I post, because the only way they can access me is via my work profiles. Odd!! The girls have a running joke, because it always happens, and it’s like they all like to keep a check on me, I like to think i’m memorable 😉 the daft, crazy girl from the midlands. The one they let get away and regret lol!

When I mentioned in last nights post, a lot of people hide behind a fake persona, and aren’t theirselves, and become who you want them to be, or who they think you want them to be, and with me I’m me, I don’t have nothing to hide, and I want longevity in love and friendships, so I say to everyone just be yourself, don’t play games, show who you are from the start, and there will be boys that love you and boys that don’t… boys that like you, and boys that don’t!

Remember girls, boys don’t see it as game playing, their fucked up, do they want it, don’t they want it mind, but yes its games, they can’t quite give you up, but then can’t quite decide if you are a 7 or 8, the deciding number! But girls, let’s evaluate this, as much as we can like boy, do we really need that dopamine hit that much, that it makes us feel shit, do we really need to be beating ourselves up, that perhaps we got way too close?? 

I recently found myself having levels of conversations, I don’t quite think I have had before, and whilst it excited the hell out of me, and I thought, maybe there is life after my ex, I then started to think, well if he can have this conversation level with me, how many more girls is he like this with, and that scared me, because I realised , fuck I like this guy, A LOT! Then the overthinking on the return path started, what if he thinks, i’m having this level of conversation with others, and this scared me off chatting to people! I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, shame, and quite disgusted with myself, I mean I hadn’t done anything wrong in hindsight, and in my own little Kerry world, I was really convinced something was there, and something was going to happen, so I invested and let my guard down, like I hadn’t before, and to be honest I spent a few weeks after not being able to eat or sleep, because I felt so disappointed in myself, the situation, in him, I had been blinded, thinking, this jigsaw piece actually matches on so many levels, wow, but sadly for me, (maybe I should say him tbh) he wasn’t on the same page, and I cringe with the ‘Its not you its me’ , first time for everything in life! I’m defo a sore looser and I think more so because what I felt and feel is/was genuine, but thats the thing, I guess I have never played the field so to speak, I have always been in a relationship, so never found myself in a situationship. I went on a date with another guy the other week, and all the way through, I was trying to be optimistic, see the positives, and I had , had the girls bang on, saying give it a chance, but as enjoyable as it was, I still couldn’t feel it, so I called a second date off… I just guess thats what life feels like right now, a big game, always someone dumping someone somewhere, because we’re indecisive and unsure who is right, who is wrong, who we want, who we don’t want, variety or monogamy, a good person, or a good looking person, we want packages that don’t exist, we want a human that isn’t yet on the market or possibly ever available. Social media has led us to this world of craving perfection, but does it really exist. 

Some days I know what I want, some days I change my mind, but I do know, I want me and my little boy to be happy, I don’t want to be with someone who can’t work out if they like me, my life experiences and heart deserve better than that, I am far from perfect, who is? But we are human, and beneath the falseness and external appearance, we have hearts, and anyone willing to play with those hearts, in their games, their orbiting, their ghosting, isn’t worth our time, respect and love, have to come from within, however hard it may be, however much you can look at someone and melt, they are not worth it! Save your heart and maybe , just maybe, prince charming will sweep you off your feet, maybe he will wake most days thinking off you, maybe he will think you’re worth a second date , maybe he will shower you with genuine compliments and affection, and can’t wait to hold you in his arms… and maybe just maybe, when you kiss, its something else, and a kiss both of you haven’t felt before, or in a long time, hold out your mind and body for that person….

Love 

Kerry xxx

Dating as a single parent V Dating with no kids

TheGirlWhoLeave a comment

Over 60% of Single parents want to meet someone with children of a similar age to their own, makes sense right?

However only 15% of single people without children would consider dating people with children, and this statistic reduces further so as you get to know that person.

When it comes to dating, especially app dating, people are seduced by what they see, and who they are physically attracted to, this obviously leads to chatting and then dating, so at this stage, its all fun, all smiles, all flirting!! Perfect… surely!! For the single life of people without kids!!

Now throw into the mix, the guy or girl who starts to want more, but you only have a limited amount of time, you have your child half the week, and you do want to see them, but have to be realistic! Those with kids will be more understanding, and those without kids, will like you a lot, but eventually the jealousy and issues start to creep in! Its fact!

Any parents priority is their child, and unless someone has been through the same, they are not going to truly understand, and true colours do show. We cannot be angry with someone for not understanding, why they will always be number 2 in our life, and when we date someone without children, of course initially they will say the right things ‘I love kids’ , ‘I want to date someone with kids’ , because they look at us, like we are a good loving source, we are settled, and obviously mature, because we have kids, and on top of that they fancy us, and like us, so will say they will welcome our children, however over time, the lack of spontaneity can be a huge issue, we can’t just drop our weekends, we have to cancel dates if our little one is unwell, we can’t date certain nights, because our kids. There is a whole lot for someone without children, to understand, so whilst initially it may seem like a good choice, and we hope they will understand, sadly it rarely works.

Dating as a parent, is something new, we only know how to date pre-children, and its a while other ball game, it’s new, and a difficult process to navigate.

Pre children its all about the sex, the desire, the partying together, how good you look together, now after children, we want and need all that, but the tick list just went off the frikking scale. What we really have to look at is, is this person right for my child? Dating as a parent, is not just dating for ourselves, we are dating for our ‘family’ , we are trying to find a suitor that will fundamentally become a big part of our childs life. How do we even attempt to get this right? I mean this is a huge fucking thing right? How do we know this person is a good human being! The problem with dating these days, is I see it myself time and time again, with men, and the women I work with to, people always appear nice, but after a month or two , this can fade and the real them can show, and this is the concerning factor, and in addition to this, just because someone has kids, doesn’t make them a good person either. Sound like pressure? Jesus!

We go on the most amazing date, feel the chemistry, and physically want and desire this person, but they live a party life style, have no kids, but they look soooooo good, I bet they even feel, and taste so good, every part of you wants them, desires them, but think about it, before it gets too deep, too connected, is this person right for my child/ children.

As I sit here now as a single mother, dating actually makes me feel anxious at the best of times, but seriously thinking about it, I have to be a grown up, put my big girl pants on, and think right, im dating for the two of us kid, because this is our future! I want to and need it right to get! The odds are against me, where do I find a plus 35 year old male, a good dad, into the same interests, loyal, and has kids, and would accept my kid, all whilst being a good human, hot as hell and great in bed!

As single parents, This is reality.. talking about bed time wee practice, school runs, and temper tantrums… not everyone gets it! We want to date like we’re in our 20s again, we may want to fuck about like we missed out in our 20’s and 30’s, but we are parents, and whilst we are entitled to our time, we also need to ensure we are not leading some potential on, by getting a few months or dates in and deciding they are not right for our children. The game has changed now folks! It may be our desires match a 7 but the match for our kids is a 10, we have to grow up now, be wise, and leave our own needs second!

Welcome to single parent dating…

Love – What does it mean?

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The one thing I know for sure, is feelings are rarely mutual, not everyone will meet on the same page..

So when we meet someone when the feeling is mutual, why are we still holding back, rather than dropping the game and hard to get facade, forget the bull shit of letting the negatives and overthinking set in, because what you’ve found with this mutual feeling, is something the rest of the world are chasing on a daily basis. Love is all we have ever needed, all we deep down have ever craved, yet these days we seem to take love for granted, has it lost its meaning?

When we find love and that connection, we should be taking a deep breath, a step forward and giving way to caution, and diving head first. Throw the rules out the window, opinions of others not matter, because girls and boys, love is rare, love will give you one hell of a ride, enjoy the lust, the passion, the infatuation.

We cross paths with potential suitors daily, some we are aware of, some we don’t notice, but when two worlds collide with such intensity, fuck common sense!!! This is all we need!!

As sexual beings, our lust and desire are intensified even more so with feelings, feelings just make everything run more smoothly.

What I have realised lately is love has no rules, no boundaries, it doesn’t just arrive a few months down the line, sometimes it can be instant, beyond a feeling of desire, it can take you by surprise when you never saw it coming, and blow you away, and its at that point we reach for fight or flight, to flee or not to flee… we start to question if we are ready for it, does it fit into our current life, what happened to just going with it and enjoying it. Have we started becoming scared of love, scared about the prospect of loving another person thats not ourselves. Are we becoming selfish not just to others but to ourselves to. Depriving ourselves of true happiness and being loved.

Love should be un-directional and a feeling of being independent and free with expression, but why isn’t it? Why when we feel something we start to feel shame, start to feel we cannot express how we feel, because of boundaries of time limitations, or scared of love bombing our potential other half!

The way in which love has changed through the generations, is demonstrated with phrases such as ‘I love you’ , its a phrase now that seems to be so freely signed off on a text or call to most people we care about, it’s almost as if without noticing and realising the repercussions, of diluting love.

These days, telling another we love them, feels like a passing comment, the words are shoved down our throat so much, that most of the times, its almost accepted that we don’t need to or want to hear it back. True love seems to be a thing of movies past, something the world aspired to, something we all wanted, but now we often run a mile. We love to love everything and everyone, but fear loving someone who could potentially change our future…

Love isn’t a plaster either, its not simply a bandage to use, to hold together a failing romance, it isn’t just a phrase to use, when the going gets tough, a lot of guys esp seem to struggle with the words, and many times they crop up, when its time for forgiveness and sorry, almost like ‘You have to forgive me,I love you’ I mean its a slip of the tongue, an a cling of desperation to make things right, again normalising us to do away with its true meaning.

True love should be defined, defined in a way that tells us in our hearts that we simply can’t loose this person in our life, and our face, our actions, and our reactions should demonstrate it, in all its glory. Love isn’t defined by materials, by sorry’s, by time.

We are only cheating ourselves on this one.. lets stop pretending we have no emotions, lets not pretending that we can’t be arsed with romance, or that its corny, lets learn how to feel again and lets make sure we really mean it, when we do say it…

Life and love is special, here before any materials, here before any hobbies, here before any careers, here before any social media, imagine if we gave the same amount of effort to love, that we did to everything else! Does anyone feel the world would be a much happier place??