Your heart skips a beat, you swipe right, and guess what ‘It’s a match’ – there really is something about that uncertainty surrounding that Right swipe, that is part of the hardwire of our brain, a primal drive to find a mate.

When a match happens, the reward pathway is activated, our Brains Ventral Tegental Area which is part of the brains reward system, that makes dopamine a neurotransmitter, that gets us on edge, alert, energised and focused, the brain memorises this pleasurable experience, and looks to seek it out again and again, almost as if this is a rush from a line of cocaine, its an addiction through and through. In addition to this being wanted and admired, gives us a feeling of love which pushes our level of oxytocin, a bonding hormone, through the roof, and it brings down our cortisol levels, so we feel less stress, and boy, is this a good feeling. So are we to blame each other for the 3 week stagnant period when perhaps those levels deplenish a little, its a chemical reaction that leads to the ‘My heads a mess, I’m not sure what I am feeling here’ – A level of confusion, we like this person, however the dopamine levels are reducing, and we don’t feel as excited, is it because we don’t like this person as much as we thought we did? Do we like them? Maybe not? Maybe I need to jump on the apps, and find someone who gives me that feeling again?

And so…

We have a cycle… and overwhelming need to feel that something special long term, not realising, that its all down to fucking chemicals…

There are so many posts on groups such as ‘Are we Dating the same Guy’ – of women wanting to know, why men constantly seek the 3 week love affair, then vanish, like they never existed…

The answer is here girls… the change in levels of hormones is the factor here, men are not naturally self aware like us, and if there are men out there, its because they have been on the journey of therapy, and. probably had a trauma in their lives that have pushed them to understand theirselves, but most men, are so reluctant to even communicate with theirselves, let alone others, so they could have the girl of their dreams on their arm, but then suddenly, start to question, why things feel a little different, why they feel different, and look to their new girl, and automatically think ‘yep, you’re not the one’ – when really they could be, but the confusion in their minds leads to the whole ‘Its not you its me’ conversation.

So next time someone bins you off, goes from ‘You’re the one’ , to ‘I’m not ready for this’ – this person is not deserving of you, because they are not self aware, and not ready to see what happens when the dopamine dips, not ready to just go with it, because they crave the fix of the chase and match..

You are worth more…