Tag: lifecoaching

Why men say all the right things, then disappear after intimacy: The Psychology behind mixed signals..

TheGirlWhoLeave a comment

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering why someone could look you in the eyes, promise connection, talk about a future with you, make you feel chosen… only to vanish after sex, you’re not alone. In today’s dating world, this is one of the most common and painful experiences many women face. We hear all the right words, we feel the emotional spark, we start to trust what’s being built… and then suddenly, the warmth turns cold.

This blog explores why this happens, what’s really going on psychologically, emotionally, and behaviourally and most importantly, why this isn’t a reflection of your worth. If you’ve been ghosted, future-faked, or emotionally led on, I want you to feel seen, validated, and empowered by the end of this. It’s shitty but it happens, and we can’t help it when the anxiety sets in, finally you thought you’d met a good’un, only for them to turn out like everyone else!

The Good morning and sweet dreams texts vanish, the X at the end of messages vanish, the ‘We’ve got this’ is a long distance memory and the ‘next date’ talk dries up dryer than the Sahara. There is a real sadness to this, and its something I have studied deeply, yet I still don’t have the answers, I still cannot understand why people treat the other party like this, because its painful and hurtful, and however strong you are as a person, it can still be crushing, facing the reality, that they ‘Just aren’t into you’ – Wow now that reminds me of one of my first blogs! (Anyone remember)!

Why Do Some Men Say All the Right Things… Then disappear?

There’s a specific kind of heartbreak that doesn’t just hurt, it leaves you confused, doubting yourself, and second-guessing everything that felt real. One minute he’s saying, “I can’t wait to spend more time with you,” “We’re going to get through this together,” and “I see something with us.” The next minute? He’s cold, distant, silent, or suddenly dealing with problems that never existed before.

But here’s the part most women never get told: this pattern has nothing to do with your value. It has everything to do with his lack of integrity, emotional maturity, and capacity for real intimacy.. FACT!

Some people use Words as Tools, not Promises

There are men who treat words like currency, something they spend to get what they want in the moment. They say whatever will create closeness, comfort, and trust, without thinking about the emotional consequences.

They’re not necessarily masterminds or villains; they’re emotionally immature.

To them, phrases like:

  • “I’m really into you.”
  • “I can’t wait to see where this goes.”
  • “We could be great together.”

…are more about creating a vibe than establishing a genuine intention. Meanwhile, you take those words seriously, because you meant yours.

Sex and intimacy triggers Vulnerability, and Avoidant men panic

For emotionally unavailable or avoidant men, sex is the moment when everything suddenly feels “real.” This is when he realises he might need to follow through. He might need to show up. He might need to actually invest.

Instead of communicating like an adult, he withdraws.

He blames stress, work, family problems, mental health, anything that lets him exit the situation while saving face. These “problems” usually appear out of nowhere because they’re not genuine issues, they’re escape routes. They’re his reason to go cold, his reason to run away.

They want the Fantasy, not the responsibility

This is a big one.

Some men genuinely love the idea of connection.

They love the chase.

They love the emotional intensity.

They love feeling wanted.

But when it’s time to turn that fantasy into something real, consistency, communication, accountability, they freeze. They don’t want a relationship; they want a moment and when the moment is over, so is their effort.

Their Disappearance is not a Reflection of You

This part matters:

Just because someone wasn’t able to follow through doesn’t mean you weren’t enough. It means they weren’t capable.

A man who is ready, emotionally aware, and genuinely interested won’t go cold after intimacy. He won’t future-fake. He won’t treat closeness as a performance and then retreat as soon as the spotlight fades. His behavior says nothing about your desirability, beauty, value, or lovability.

It only reveals his emotional limits.

The Hard Truth: Some men chase the high, not the Connection

There are men who treat dating like a dopamine sport. The chase is intoxicating. The validation is addictive. The thrill keeps them engaged, but only until the novelty wears off.

Once the excitement shifts into something deeper and more vulnerable, they disconnect. Not because you changed, but because the game did, the hormones feel different, and they are not self aware or knowledgeable to realise, they’re playing on hormones.

It’s not Just “Rump and Dump” … It’s Emotional Dishonesty

The sexual part is only half the issue. The deeper betrayal is the emotional deception. He didn’t just use your body, he used your mind, your trust, your vulnerability, your openness. He convinced himself you were what he wanted, but then he knew he doesn’t know what he truly wants in life anyway!

And that kind of behaviour isn’t about sex; it’s about character.

Rump and dump is a term I got told this year, by my ex. ‘You’re not a Rump and Dump girl Kerry’ – I was like WTF!!! However my ex did mean this as a compliment, but for someone like him, the term almost felt immature and unintelligent, so it shocked me! I mean I’m glad I wasn’t lol, but what an awful expression.

It literally mean, fuck her and fuck her off!! Beautiful hey!!!!

The expression of ‘Rump and Dump’, ‘Pump and Dump’ is actually used by fraudsters – How apt – Given that situation!

What you felt was real, What he showed was his insecurities.

Your emotions were genuine, Your intentions were sincere, Your connection felt real because you were real. His disappearance wasn’t proof that you misread the situation, it was proof that he misrepresented himself. He isn’t capable of handling a woman like you.

You see with some men, avoidance isn’t about them being the enemy, its about their insecurities, it can also mean, they think they aren’t worthy of you, that you’ll get bored of them, that you’ll hurt them. Enter the over thinkers, those who have a real shot of happiness with you, but talk theirselves out of it, thinking you’re not into them, and this is so sad, because 9/10 times you are, you really are. However they would rather put up walls and talk theirselves out of what amazing relationships they could have, (and often need) , due to the fear of not being good enough.

So….

If you’ve ever been left wondering why someone could be so warm, so convincing, so emotionally intimate one moment, and then so distant the next, please hear this: You did nothing wrong. You weren’t “too much,” you weren’t naive, and you weren’t imagining things.

You were dealing with someone who lacked the depth, honesty, emotional availability and maybe sadly confidence, required for real connection.

This experience doesn’t define your future, it clarifies your standards… AGAIN!

It doesn’t diminish your value, it exposes THEIR limitations And it doesn’t mean love won’t find you, it means you’re learning to recognise who’s truly capable of offering it.

You deserve consistency, You deserve sincerity, You deserve someone who doesn’t disappear when things get real, but grows deeper into them with you, and however much you internalise this, and feel the rejection badly, think, your value, and your worth has not been diminished because of this, it’s yet, sadly another fucking learning curve! (Do they ever cease)

So hold your head high, and say my fave saying ‘Shit happens’ –

Transform with Kerry

TheGirlWhoLeave a comment

What My Role as a Coach Really Is

I get asked quite often what my job as a coach actually is. And truthfully, it’s not as simple as just helping people “feel better.”

Of course, I want my clients to feel safe, supported, and heard — that’s the foundation of any meaningful coaching relationship. But my role goes deeper than comfort. My job isn’t to validate misconceptions or help people stay in their comfort zone. My job is to help you get results — to move forward, to grow, and to become the version of yourself that’s waiting underneath all the doubt, fear, and old patterns.

Coaching isn’t always comfortable. Growth never is. But it’s always worth it.

A Safe Space — But Not a Soft One

When you work with me, I want you to know that you’ll always have a safe space. A space where you can be honest, raw, and real without judgment. But being “safe” doesn’t mean being “comfortable.”

I’m not here to sugar-coat the truth or tell you what you want to hear. I’m here to help you see things clearly — especially the things you’ve been avoiding. Sometimes that means tough conversations. Sometimes it means gentle reminders of your own strength. I consider myself after all my life experiences, to be straight to the point, however remaining personable at all times. However I will not feed you just what you want to hear, or agree with what you feel is right.

Growth happens when we lean into discomfort. My job is to hold you through that process, to be your rock when life feels heavy, and to remind you that clarity and confidence come on the other side of truth.

Coaching Is a Partnership

The coaching relationship is a partnership — one built on trust, respect, and accountability.

From our very first consultation, I see us as teammates. We’ll work together to understand where you are, what’s blocking you, and what you truly want to create in your life and relationships. I’ll always be honest with you, and I’ll expect honesty in return.

I believe the best growth comes when we’re both willing to show up fully — me as your coach, and you as someone ready to do the work.

Because coaching isn’t about me fixing you. It’s about us walking side by side as you begin to fix the parts of your life that don’t feel aligned anymore.

The Relationship With Yourself Comes First

My niche as a relationship coach is all about the relationships you have — not just with others, but with yourself.

Everything starts there.

If you don’t have a healthy, loving, and aligned relationship with yourself, every other relationship will feel harder than it needs to. The truth is, you can’t pour from an empty cup. You can’t give love freely if you’re still struggling to give it to yourself.

When we work together, we’ll look at how you connect to yourself — your self-worth, your inner voice, your boundaries, your patterns. Because when you begin to realign within, you start to naturally attract better connections, stronger relationships, and a calmer, more grounded sense of peace.

Alignment is everything.

If you’re not aligned with yourself or your partner, it often leads to frustration, miscommunication, and sometimes — heartbreak. My job is to help you see whether the relationship you’re in has room to grow, or whether it’s keeping you stagnant. From that awareness, real change can begin.

Accountability: The Key to Growth

One of the biggest parts of growth is accountability. It’s being brave enough to look at your own choices, your patterns, and your reactions — and take responsibility for them.

That’s not about blame. It’s about ownership.

When you take accountability, you reclaim your power. You move from “Why is this happening to me?” to “What can I do to change it?”

My role is to hold you accountable with compassion. I’ll challenge you when you need it, encourage you when you doubt yourself, and celebrate every win — no matter how small — because they all count towards your growth.

Looking Ahead, Not Back

While we may talk about past experiences and old wounds, my focus is always on moving forward. You can’t rewrite your past, but you can shape your future.

Coaching is about building momentum — setting goals, finding clarity, and creating a life that feels aligned with who you truly are.

Working with a coach isn’t just about relationships; it’s about wellbeing, mindset, and fulfilment. It’s about learning to live from a place of purpose rather than reaction, and rediscovering your ability to thrive — not just survive.

The Power of Self-Intimacy

One of the most powerful lessons I’ve seen in this work is that everything starts with self-intimacy — the ability to truly know, accept, and love yourself.

It’s about sitting with yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable. It’s about learning to understand what you need, what you feel, and what you want.

When you develop that relationship with yourself, everything changes. You stop seeking external validation. You begin to attract healthier connections. You see the world — and yourself — in a softer, more loving way.

That’s where freedom begins.

In the End, My Job Is to Help You Grow

At the heart of everything I do, my mission as a coach is simple: to help you grow.

To help you ease your suffering, find alignment, and break through the limitations that have held you back. To give you the tools, support, and perspective to step into the life and relationships you truly deserve.

Growth isn’t always pretty, and it’s rarely easy. But with trust, honesty, and commitment, it’s absolutely possible.

If you’re ready to face yourself, embrace change, and step into alignment, then you’re ready for coaching. Together, we’ll build the foundation for your next chapter — stronger, clearer, and more connected than ever before.