There’s a quiet lie we’re told as women: that sex peaks when we’re young, slim, inexperienced, and eager to please.

My reality has been the exact opposite.

Sex in my 20s was full of nerves. I was in my head. I was performing. I was worried about angles, stomach rolls, facial expressions, whether I was “too much” or “not enough.” I thought confidence meant pretending — pretending to orgasm, pretending to enjoy things, pretending I knew what I was doing.

Now, in my 40s, sex lives in my body, not my head.

And the difference is everything.

The Body Shift: Strength Changed My Sexuality

One of the biggest turning points for me wasn’t age, it was movement.

Since committing to Pilates, yoga, stretching, and strength-based movement, my relationship with my body has fundamentally changed. My body doesn’t just exist anymore, it moves with intention. I understand it. I feel it. I trust it.

Flexibility, stamina, and strength didn’t just improve my posture or how my clothes fit — they transformed how I experience sex.

I move with confidence.

I don’t fatigue the way I once did.

I feel grounded, present, and powerful.

I can stay engaged, connected, and responsive for longer.

And that stamina? It unlocked a level of sexual intensity I had never experienced before.

Honestly — extraordinary is the only word for it.

Weight Loss, Fitness, and the Confidence Loop

Let’s be honest, losing weight and becoming physically fitter did shift my confidence, however not in the way people assume. It wasn’t about being smaller. It was about being stronger, more capable, more embodied.

That physical confidence created a loop:

I felt good in my body.

So I trusted my body.

So I surrendered more during sex.

So sex became deeper, more intense.

Which made me feel even more confident.

In my 40s, when I’m into someone, I’m really into them. There’s no half-heartedness. No distraction. No performance. I show up fully, and that intensity is intoxicating, for me and for the person I’m with.

Intensity Grows With Age — If You Let It

One thing no one talks about enough is this: sexual intensity can increase as you get older.

For me, orgasms didn’t even really exist in my early 20s — I faked them, yep I did, like so many women do. At 27, I experienced my first real multiple orgasm, and since then? It’s been a steady, powerful evolution.

Now, in my 40s, my orgasms are deeper, more embodied, more consuming, and more connected to my breath and movement.

I experience different kinds of orgasms depending on the type of sex I’m having. That curiosity, that openness — is something I never allowed myself when I was younger.

This past year, despite being one of the worst years I’ve ever had for dating emotionally, I also experienced some of the best sex of my life.

Not because of luck.

Because of freedom.

Open-Mindedness Without Shame

I’m not interested in ticking boxes or sticking to scripts. I’m open-minded because I understand my body and because I want sex to evolve, not stagnate.

For me, that has meant being curious about introducing new sensations into my sex life and not being afraid to explore what heightens pleasure. That curiosity has included experimenting with things like poppers (alkyl nitrites), and honestly, the intensity they can bring to orgasm is on another level entirely, crazy you can buy these things on Amazon, for a girl that doesn’t even have caffeine in her coffee, this was quite the experience. I’ve never considered myself a drug taker and I never will be, but poppers are widely available and, when used intentionally, the heightened sensation they create during sex can feel absolutely explosive. The intensity is difficult to describe — it’s consuming, immersive, and unlike anything I had experienced before, however it only adds, to what needs to be incredible sex.

But exploration doesn’t have to mean anything extreme. Sometimes it’s the smaller ingredients that completely transform the experience. Teasing. Anticipation. Power dynamics. Touch. I know, as a woman, that I love to be teased. I love a sense of confidence and masculinity from a man. I love the energy shift when someone knows exactly what they’re doing and isn’t afraid to lean into it.

That’s the point: electrifying sex looks different for every woman.

And we’re allowed to ask ourselves what makes it electric for us.

Why limit ourselves to the same routine, the same positions, the same outcomes? Why assume sex has to look one way? Now as I have sexually matured, certain positions I just don’t enjoy anymore, mainly because I feel that break in connection, such as ‘Doggy Style’ , I mean it just feels a bit cheap, but hey reverse cowgirl, kinda still a turn on! Just exploring different types of intimacy, deeper connection through oral sex, different forms of touch, or new dynamics, can unlock entirely different kinds of pleasure and orgasmic experiences.

I don’t see exploration as reckless, I see it as intentional and embodied. When you’re grounded in yourself, you know your limits. You know your boundaries and you know what feels right for you.

Sex doesn’t have to be repetitive to be safe.

It doesn’t have to be predictable to be satisfying.

And it certainly doesn’t have to stay the same forever, you can keep a relationship for years and with the right amount of effort keep the power of sex off the scale..

Sex Stops Being About Impressing — And Starts Being About Pleasure

In my 30s, sex often felt like an audition. Trying to impress. Trying to be chosen. Trying to be desirable.

In my 40s, sex is something I do for me.

And here’s the secret no one tells you:

When you’re having sex for your pleasure, partners feel it immediately.

Confidence is contagious.

I take the lead when I want to. I give guidance without apology. I’m not afraid to say what I want, how I want it, or to invite someone to explore my body with me.

And presence? Presence is magnetic.

Fantasy, Anticipation, and the Power of Desire

Right now, I’m in a period of celibacy and yet, my desire feels more alive than ever.

I have my eye on someone and WOW the anticipation? Electric.

Fantasy has become richer with age, not desperate or rushed, but slow, intentional, delicious.

Masturbation, Self-Knowledge, and Sexual Ownership

A woman who knows how to pleasure herself is a woman who knows her body.

Masturbation isn’t something you “outgrow.” It’s something you grow into.

Self-pleasure builds confidence, awareness, and autonomy. It reminds you that your body belongs to you.

What I Know Now (That I Didn’t Then)

Confidence is sexier than perfection.

Strength and stamina matter more than youth.

Orgasms deepen when you’re embodied, not self-conscious.

Desire doesn’t disappear with age — it matures.

When you’re free in your body, your partner feels free too.

A Message to Women Reading This

If you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s, or beyond, your most satisfying sex may still be ahead of you.

Move your body.

Get strong.

Touch yourself without shame.

Explore curiosity over performance.

Let confidence come from inside.

Sex doesn’t fade with age — it evolves.

And for me? I can honestly say:

I’ve never been more excited about sex, life and my future sex life— than I am now… and I want you to think to yourself, create your own story, create your own sexual future… enjoy every second…

‘If you want to learn how to develop your sexual being and sexual confidence, join me for confidence coaching, I will partner with you to ensure your best sex is only weeks away’ p

Email me on transformwithkerry@gmail.com or contact me http://www.transformwithkerry.co.uk