Tag: dating

Breadcrumbing Vs Ghosting – Are we all addicts?

TheGirlWhoLeave a comment

We cannot even Eenie, meanie, mo this one, because the 2024 get of men, don’t provide a 3rd option. Yes I speak for the masses on this. I recently posted on a ‘Dating group’ filled with 100k women, and the post went off the scale..

Initially I thought is this an age bracket issue, but hell no, this is age irrelevant.

Recently a lawsuit was filed in California against a very well known dating app, stating that its platform is designed to cause addiction. Having worked in corporate roles myself for two of the biggest adult gambling businesses, I spent a lot of time understanding just how the house wins, how the player is manipulated and how addictions are formed. Whilst studying I worked on a project about how a certain social platform was indeed designed to cause addiction. Our very own chemical processes manipulated for financial gain, and neither gambling, social or dating apps, give a fuck, yet daily, suicide after suicide from everyone of those avenues, but do these large corporations care?? No because we’re say paying for memberships, paying a board in CA to live their very best life, at the expense of us all, but most of all at the expense of real love.

With any addiction, people do not realise just how addicted they are.

Lets side by side..

A player goes 50/50 black or red, opts for red, wins, has a sensational feeling, a complete adrenalin fix leading up-to that win, and then that warm feeling of dopamine kicking in when they do win, what happens next, the rare few maybe walk away, thank the lord, they’re up, and feel blessed with their win, but a very very high majority with the attitude, ‘I want that fix again’ , ‘I could win more next time’ , ‘I can here with nothing will leave with nothing’ …

Now lets flip that side by side..

A player goes on a dating app, he swipes left on many girls, but swiped right on 5 other players, all gorgeous, they start a chat with all, but one stands out, they place their bet, they chat intensely, adrenalin pumping, sexual tension exciting, they arrange a date, date goes amazing, adrenalin is crazy through the roof, they ago home, they kiss, or even have sex, the moment, the chemistry, the pure raw dopamine, feels amazing, the next day, – again the very are few think – ‘Ive met someone special here, going to see what happens. The vast majority, feel smiley, a little happy, but as their dopamine levels naturally drop back down, they don’t realise, so they automatically presume, ‘No they’re not my one’ – again not realising this is all chemical, so instantly they want the fix again, and they wonder, I wonder if the other 4 matches have messages so log back on the apps, whilst there lets swipe again.. wonder who else is out there.

😳

It’s dangerous, and even those who feel they are the most confident, aren’t, something in them has an insecurity even if they shout to the world ‘Hey Im mr/mrs confident’ , something in them, forgets that people they date are human beings, and this… is what leads to breadcrumbing and ghosting.

So we have been here before discussing this, but what is the worse, now we can either leave another human being hanging on a ledge, for if we decide to return, maybe a day we need a pick me up, or maybe a day we’re in their area and fancy some fun, or we can totally ignore someone like they’re invisible… like they are not human, like we feel we are so much superior we can treat another human, with a heart like that. I cannot lie, I’ve never breadcrumbed anyone, but I have ghosted, and that’s because I have been a coward, and not wanted to hurt someone, but then at the same time, I was so wrong for presumming they wanted anything anyway 😂😂!!!

So what is breadcrumbing? Breadcrumbing is a form of manipulation, when someone makes out they are interested but deep down aren’t, they lust you, that’s it, they want nothing more. Sometimes people who breadcrumb, don’t even mean to manipulate on purpose, as strange as it sounds, they are genuinely unsure what they want In life. The standard situation, is they give a little of their time, here and there, when you try and break away, they offer their excuses, as to why they aren’t more available, they say, well walk away, but I like you. You will know when its bread crumbing, because after a month in, you will know nothing about them, they stop liking your instagram images, and they stop watching your story, they don’t give a fuck about your life and what you are upto, and girls you have to realise, you are a last resort here, an option, and most of these men, not all, but most, have underlying issues, they like the idea of an everlasting love, but they’ve either been coupled up in a long term relationship that ended, or are in mid-life crisis mode. However guys who breadcrumb, will give you a bit of time here and there, and they simply can’t give no more, because in the time they’re away they’re spending time on Instagram liking other women, chatting on whatssap to others, and swiping to boost their ego. They simply have a new flavour of the week, and when they get bored, will return.

So what is ghosting and how does it differ, I mean either way at this point, the word ‘Dick’ should have crossed your mind. However ghosting, is just as RUDE, but I have done it myself, rather than prolong the agony, and be undecided, I pretty much decide straight away, if i’m in or out, and I simply never have the heart to really say, no this isn’t for me, I kind of just drift away, don’t get me wrong, sometimes I have said it, but sometimes, I’ve simply archived and blocked, because I just don’t want to hurt someone. Another thing personal for me is ADHD, I simply forgot to reply. My current whatssap is at ’17’ unread, and that’s not me being rude. I’m just personally a nightmare. Ghosting echoes past rejections, it brings a feeling of self questioning, one minute everything fine, next, are they even alive? It leads to questions ‘What did we do’, ‘Is there something wrong with me’, and ‘Am I good enough’ .. and that’s the sad thing about it all. Yes you are good enough, but that person, you admired, doesn’t admire you. However because they haven’t told you, you don’t know the truth, so you hope for the best, but still, left on a cliff edge, however after time there is a finalé to it, you come to realise, yep their loss.

So if you ask, what is worse, breadcrumbing or ghosting? It has to be breadcrumbing, because people are toying with someone else’s heart, and not letting go, and to treat another human like this is so wrong, but leading someone on, is as low as it can be, because keeping someone hanging whilst we are unsure, isn’t kind. Years ago people used to value others emotions, others feelings, however in todays swipe culture, people don’t care.. people care about their body count, their own self sense of validation in the world.

The Cycle

TheGirlWhoLeave a comment

Your heart skips a beat, you swipe right, and guess what ‘It’s a match’ – there really is something about that uncertainty surrounding that Right swipe, that is part of the hardwire of our brain, a primal drive to find a mate.

When a match happens, the reward pathway is activated, our Brains Ventral Tegental Area which is part of the brains reward system, that makes dopamine a neurotransmitter, that gets us on edge, alert, energised and focused, the brain memorises this pleasurable experience, and looks to seek it out again and again, almost as if this is a rush from a line of cocaine, its an addiction through and through. In addition to this being wanted and admired, gives us a feeling of love which pushes our level of oxytocin, a bonding hormone, through the roof, and it brings down our cortisol levels, so we feel less stress, and boy, is this a good feeling. So are we to blame each other for the 3 week stagnant period when perhaps those levels deplenish a little, its a chemical reaction that leads to the ‘My heads a mess, I’m not sure what I am feeling here’ – A level of confusion, we like this person, however the dopamine levels are reducing, and we don’t feel as excited, is it because we don’t like this person as much as we thought we did? Do we like them? Maybe not? Maybe I need to jump on the apps, and find someone who gives me that feeling again?

And so…

We have a cycle… and overwhelming need to feel that something special long term, not realising, that its all down to fucking chemicals…

There are so many posts on groups such as ‘Are we Dating the same Guy’ – of women wanting to know, why men constantly seek the 3 week love affair, then vanish, like they never existed…

The answer is here girls… the change in levels of hormones is the factor here, men are not naturally self aware like us, and if there are men out there, its because they have been on the journey of therapy, and. probably had a trauma in their lives that have pushed them to understand theirselves, but most men, are so reluctant to even communicate with theirselves, let alone others, so they could have the girl of their dreams on their arm, but then suddenly, start to question, why things feel a little different, why they feel different, and look to their new girl, and automatically think ‘yep, you’re not the one’ – when really they could be, but the confusion in their minds leads to the whole ‘Its not you its me’ conversation.

So next time someone bins you off, goes from ‘You’re the one’ , to ‘I’m not ready for this’ – this person is not deserving of you, because they are not self aware, and not ready to see what happens when the dopamine dips, not ready to just go with it, because they crave the fix of the chase and match..

You are worth more…

To Ghost or To be Ghosted

TheGirlWhoLeave a comment

The dreaded word, the word that takes us from feeling incredible, to a piece of shit! Questioning, are we worthy? Are we not likeable, do they not fancy us? Lets face it its fucking horrible.

However that’s from one side of the fence, what about the people we have ghosted, see we never think about that, do we! However I recently had a big wake up call on this. A lovely lovely guy I had started chatting to was great, handsome, I mean this guy would have been a hottie on Love Island, and he clearly liked me, lived in my area and we crossed paths, and matched on a dating app to, however I couldn’t ignore the fact he was 8 years younger than me, he had kids, so there was maturity there, but still, the age gap got to me, and after a few weeks talking, I did, I’m afraid to admit, go quiet on him. After a few days, I received a really long message about how rude I was, and how disappointed he was, and I couldn’t help but respect his message, even if it was hard hitting. It was a message I had typed out a few times to people, but never had the guts to send..

The emotional pain, caused by ghosting, can be a lot more traumatic, that what it seems on the surface. Think about this girls, the intensity of the last chat, the excitement, or even the last date with that person, to then have nothing, its like raising our dopamine (or theirs) to the highest peak and then crashing it to zero.. life feeling so perfect, then nothing. Every text they send/ you send, raises a smile, makes our heart skip a beat, then suddenly nothing, and the best thing about all of this is, its not always the person, at the other end of the phone that we are addicted to, its the hit their contact gives us, we are/ or they are, addicts, addicted to that smile, that excitement of receiving your text, so when the contact stops, cold turkey sets in.

As time passes, the overthinking kicks in, what did we do wrong? are we god enough? what did I say? They may change their hinge image, their profile picture, so you know they aren’t dead, and they haven’t blocked you, so why aren’t they replying! However remember its in this moment, you should realise, it’s not the person you are missing, it’s the attention and the good feel, you’re missing, not them.

A survey of 5,000 people conducted by Forbes Health found that 76 percent of participants had either ghosted the other person or had been ghosted themselves when dating. WOW! It’s a surprise anyone is even talking hey!

With ghosting, the not knowing can be more overwhelming and upsetting, than the actual knowing, because as human beings we naturally ponder on our thoughts, and however optimistic, our default is set to negative it seems, our minds want to know more, and this drives overthinking, which leads to a deep anxiety, which can worsen our already disheartened symptoms. Sat there trying to piece together the jigsaw, and wonder what the missing piece is.

Ghosting can also lead us to feel rejected, and that can open the pandoras box of past trauma, a time when we failed, a time when we were dumped, a time someone in our life, simply didn’t want us, this person who has spent 5 minutes in our world, can open up the most traumatic memories, by simply choosing to ignore us, and again, we can do the same to others by rejecting them.

Ghosting can also almost feel like we are also confirming our inner doubts on ourselves. We all, and it doesn’t matter how confident we are, sit there and think at times, am I good enough, so when we face being ghosted, sometimes for individuals, this can almost act a reconfirmation for what they may be thinking, so we can truly amplify someones inner self doubt, and make them feel not good enough. It may also lead people to doubt that they can truly judge people, was it all fake, have they been duped, are they stupid? How did they not read the room? How could they fall for that person? How could they have not seen it coming? So not only does the gravity of not feeling aesthetically good enough feel, the feeling of stupidity and naivety can actually make us feel even worse.

Nobody likes the thought of rejection, let alone social rejection with someone we do not even know, our brains feel the physical pain, like a real break up with a long love, it associates, and like I stated, opens a pandoras box of emotions.

People ghost for various reasons, we only have to look at how and why we ghosted, to find the answers. Someone can be so attracted to you, but simply not be ready for a relationship. I guess with me, I don’t even know if I am ready for a relationship, so it gets so far, and yes I go quiet, if I feel their is pressure then I go quiet, but I know that’s my issue, and I know that sooner or later there will be an energy match there with someone, that I won’t want to disappear on. Sometimes it could simply be, that the person has luckily found their energy match elsewhere, and sometimes it could just be they’re a fucking player.. it is what it is..

Following my recent lesson, and hmm, telling off, I realised, Yes I’m a kind person, so however hard it may be to write the words of rejection, that good person deserves to know I am not interested, because it will give them an acceptance, and not leave them lost in their thoughts, so deep down, lets be kind, lets say it black and white, because words can be kinder than ghosting…

Infatuation vs Love

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Fire in your belly, and an intensity so deep, it makes you feel euphoric (a word I love btw), an overwhelming feeling of nerves, and giddiness that you cannot describe, you simply cannot fathom the words, and both can be the best feeling and worst feeling in the world. The adrenaline of seeing them, combined with empty sense of goodbye as once again they walk back out your life, what is it that drives that very strange, almost alien like feeling, the feeling that effects us both physically and mentally.

I recall this feeling, and praying for the feeling to be over, praying one day I can go for coffee and not have this feeling, but as time went on, it never faded, and still to this day there. For me personally after facing rejection a long time ago with this person, I was adamant it would fade, but trust me its still there, and I think always will be, I go into full on Bridgette jones mode still to this day, and one Christmas happened to go flat on my face literally right next to him and his new girlfriend,(not sure if they saw it but I felt it – wow) especially when I hadn’t even known he had a girlfriend, and I had a sinking feeling that when he had dumped me 3 months before, it was a realisation that, I had indeed been pipped to the post, and I hate loosing at the best of times.

Friends will question why you feel like this, in fact you will question yourself, the thought of them leaves you in some fluttery day dream not only do you want him picking you up against a wall, but also you romaticise about just living the life with him. However the hard reality of saying ‘Tough Shit girl’ to yourself snaps you back into the present, and you realise, nope never gonna happen. My infatuation had turned to love, and I cannot explain or even understand in my own head, how or why, it just happened, and now I spend my time trying to pretend he doesn’t exist, but he does, just with another woman…

So are love and infatuation the same thing? Is infatuation just a pure lust and desire? short lived and more of an obsession, infatuation bring a sheer intensity that, the other person consumes you day in and day out, and I only think when you pass that stage, and they are still on your mind that you figure, this could actually be love. Infatuation is often lust filled, fantasy filled, and a want to talk to that person so much, even if you’re with someone else, you will think about them, what they’re upto, you till try and manifest bumping into them, knowing what you feel is wrong, because you or they could be with another, and even if you are both single, the more you talk to them the more you want them, their hands on you, their lips on yours, and my god, this feeling is intense, overwhelming, another is no doubt in your head at this point, they will be the fuck of the century, tbh they could be a sack of spuds, without a clue what to do, but your desire would make sure you’re the fuck of their century, and it’s this sheer want that is the proverbial of infatuation, only described in feeling, only really known in that moment. Where as love is the aftermath, a nice aftermath if met with two hearts, a desire to be with this person long term, to want to hold them, to care for them, for them to be yours always, to not keep them in archived, but in your heart where they belong, where they have earned their place, but if one heart is left standing after the infatuation has faded, then of course, there is nothing sadder than one person being in love, and the other being -well on another page.

Like me, what happens if this situation happens with someone you cannot have, or who doesn’t want you, again tick tick ✅✅ this is moi! How do we simply move on, because even I, do not know the answers to this, and those who know me, know I have an answer for most things, but in my 41 years on this planet, it’s this one guy, I have never been able to shift, understand why I feel, and deal with the rejection. So most people, including myself, literally Ban them from our thoughts, yes we pop them in the archived list, and can’t seem to find the courage to delete any previous chat, but we really should do, we have to work hard to not think of them, and warning here, because synconicity is very real, the more I tried to stop thinking about this person, I would see their name everywhere, side of trucks, street names, online, so be wary guys, our subconscious minds, will try and make you remember this person, popping their name up and ramming it down out throat, till guess what, you’re day dreaming again, so moving on is bloody hard!

Truth be told, I personally feel infatuation and love, are quite often one and the same, both cause intense feelings we cannot shake, perhaps if we define them against lust, we would see a difference there, but infatuation leads to love in most cases, a love we accept or deny and try and banish, and pretend isn’t there, or a love that flourishes, when two people are indeed on the same page…

What are you looking for, looks or personality?

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I mean do we know the answer to this? One day it can all seem so clear, we know exactly, and then the next, it’s like hmmmm!!

Even in my sexual prime, I’m at a stand still thinking, I cannot be arsed with this! Ok, lets correct that., I can be arsed with sex, Jesus, however its what comes after that! I struggle to go from APP to text and then the impossible seems to be meet! The need for touch is very real, but the need for stress is not so real.

You get me?

Ok so, we all have a type, yes? I’m rather specific, perhaps too specific, oh maybe who am I kidding, they’re all bloody clones of each other. Although recent guy, lovely person, a Barrister from Manchester, great chat, and totally admired the field he practised in, however in the words of my best friend ‘I think he gives you the ick’ , I mean I’m not 100% sure on that, but he was very different looking than my normal type, but I think she meant in the chat, as he seemed to agree with me, and if I said black was my fave colour, there is a high probability he would of said the same, something just did not feel right in our chats, and maybe because my heart is elsewhere, however it did make me think, what am I actually looking for? How do we strike the balance, between kind and genuine, but not too soft!

I mean who we think we want in our heads, do not always match up to who our hearts and sexual beings desire. We have this image in our heads, 6ft 2, dark thick hair, good arms and athletic shape, and nice eyes and lips, (ok I told you I was specific and probably describing the man I’m infatuated with there, (well no probably, I am), however, why do I find myself sexually drawn to those who aren’t my type, and girls we have all been there, plain old Joe blogs, giving us the flutters! We deny it and think ‘WTF’ but isn’t chemistry a strange thing.

We all want that mate, who is easy live with, stress free and looks good, but I don’t know if you’re like me, I have had that, and the first few years are fabulous, but statistics have shown, those stress free relationships we have all craved, when we get them, actually lead to the biggest infidelities of all. Its getting the cocktail just right isn’t it, having a bit of that, but also needing that obsession with them to, we can love and like, and have great sex, but do they drive us wild? Are they a fantasy and someone who would probably test us and change our world a little, yes we may be in the safety of Mr or Miss nice, cosy nights in and cuddles on the couch, and good sex, but what if we went for wild sex, someone out the box, someone who drives us wild. Have you ever met someone, and even though you’re friends, every time you stop and talk to them, your head is saying ‘Kiss him’ – Yes he may be married off, but the intensity of wanting him, can be crazy, so much so you have to force yourself to not think him and ban him from your head, now that us the shit that will get me settled down!

Take the show ‘Love is blind’ – the concept of this show, is strangers talking for hours on end through a wall, and over 3 weeks of fall in love with the person that they have never even lay eyes on, I mean this is tough, they cannot even describe their physical attributes, its an experiment based on getting to know someone for who they are, and OMG I have been here, I was surprised at the time, but I had a head start, I had matched this person, and our kiss after our first date has been something else, but the relationship (ok situationship) developed through hours and hours of texts and talk, to the point I was shocked at what feelings I had, I had fallen in love, so when the ‘Its not you its me’ chat came from him, it actually effected me like a real break up, I lost weight and I never wanted to chat to a guy again, and this was just one date, but calls and texts every day for months, so the concept of ‘Love is blind’ actually is so amazing, because again this guy was good looking, but line him up against previous exes and he was a good 7, but not the type you’d be like WOW, and I think this guy had a fondness for me, but he settled elsewhere, and whilst part of me is probably still a little in love, we have to move on, and I did and have, but Guess in life there will be these people that we are drawn to and they may not be the normal type we go for, but what if something had of developed?

Sexual attraction is a desire to become sexually involved with someone. While it often occurs alongside romantic attraction, they are not the same. Sexual chemistry can happen without a romantic attraction, and this can be a real problem, because the evolution of dating apps, draws us to who we are sexually attracted to, without knowing the person, (do we ever read the BS in bios) , and sometimes as much as we can be, wow he’s fit, once we get chatting, we can tell pretty quickly if there is going to be longevity in the conversation, and once we realise there is no romantic long term spark there, we move on very quickly.

I guess we just have to choose wisely and hope one day we strike a balance, and we will know, because when we find our true life mate, it won’t be because its easy, because its relaxed and no drama, it will be when sex with anyone else will never enter our minds, and we aren’t doing our best like a dog with a bone, to bury the thought of someone else.. because however much we try, we cannot live a life banning someone from our thoughts… so don’t move in till that mind is free… and also never just settle, for what we think our minds want and need, lets listen to our bodies to.. it all has to connect!

Are we Dating the Same Guy

TheGirlWhoLeave a comment

Yes I have been a bit MIA, however I feel, I have been on a bit of a journey, or should I say experiment, in order to obtain material, for more juicy posts.

The story of dating in the 2020’s… the rise and popularities of these groups, has brought a lot of women expectations on availability to a fucking full stop! FOREVER! However a few months later, we try the apps again, and crash, bang, wallop, we’re back in the same spot.

What is failing us ladies in 2024 dating, we sit their overthinking, and taking everything so personal, however my journey of dating and sharing the experiences of others, as made me and again others, come to the realisation, that the divide amongst the sexes has never been bigger.

As women we are at a point where we even look to lower our standards because we try and meet ‘a nice guy’ – well ALERT Girls, that will not be happening again in a rush! I mean I’m not saying being fucked over by a 9/10 is any better, but wow, we are just here as lab rats boosting the self esteem of guys we wouldn’t normally look at, and their ego’s are making them think they’re an 11!!!

The way I see it, and friends of mine see it, is they’re all just fat kids in a sweet shop, hungry and greedy, the little Augustus Gloops of the adult dating world, with their dirty hands spread muck and filth and stickiness across everything in their path! We really need to be more Willy Wonka and fuck these greedy kids off, yet as women, it seems to be in our DNA like some big life impairment that we think we will be the ‘one to make a difference’ 😂😂😂😂 , we want to be the Mary Poppins and save all the children!

The rise of ‘Are we dating the same guy Groups’ gives dating a bit of a safety net and a comical view, what on earth has society become, that we have to beg for information on the guy we have just matched to. There feels a real sadness that women have to resort to this, but at the same time, there should be a realisation that we are enabling this, it is a vicious circle. The new circle of life, hope for love, give our minds and bodies to these guys who seem genuine, in the hope they’re the new ‘one’ , and get fucked off! They are all 3 date wonders max girls! Why? Because when we open up and give our mind and even our bodies, to them, its a notch, a body count’ and the next one is just a swipe away. So all these middle aged men and lets face it, some only a 6/7 at best, with their love handles, hair systems, and botox’d to death faces, think they’re Gods fucking gift! I noticed this year, I thought ok, lets chat to guys I wouldn’t normally look at, and Jesus, I think they’re the worse! Growing up average at best so not having the best of luck with women, then suddenly make a bit of money and have a glow up, and they’re banging (or trying to bang) anything that moves. Dating to these guys has become a hyper fixation, a woman a day, keeps the ugly guy at bay! We are feeding their EGO’s girls.

Sadly I feel dating apps and the swipe culture has killed, what we know as romance, I think we are truly past the point of no return.. and I don’t say that easily. We are in a throw away society and this isn’t just about the clothes we wear on our back, we have become just as disposable, and our hearts and souls, and goodness as the women we are, are just enabling it to happen more and more.

‘Are we dating the same guy’ Groups, Christina Wang of Virginia Beach, murdered her husband after he appeared on ‘Are we dating the same guy’, Then a group post led to a woman being murdered by her ex she shared info over, and recently in May 2024, an Irish guy was driven to suicide because someone posted about him, thankfully he survived, but what are we all doing to each other, we should be making Love not War, but this does truly feel like a war of the sexes, Man Vs Woman, we are dicing with death, just to find out if guys are good guys, when sadly around 70% of men 30-45 are not wanting to be in relationships. Guys are bored of relationships it seems, they are living the Wayne Linekar lifestyle, pulling women 15-20 years younger than them,, they are living their best dream, and technically there isn’t anything illegal in the way they are living their lives, but as women, perhaps we are the ones who need to realise, Mr Marbella 2024, has found his own path, and even a 10, isn’t going to pursuede him otherwise. They may give the spiel, how they want cosy nights, want a partner in crime, or … wait for it… a ride or die, I recently got told! Come on Lols at that! However one of the sad things about these groups is, they should be ANONYMOUS, but because guys have friends, family, potentials, on these groups, wanting to score brownie points, post after post is being shared with the guy, and what a shame, I feel they’re out of control now.

Deep down I know for a fact that some of the 30% ‘Good boys’ are still thinking about fucking other women, trying to ban that woman they lust after, out of their mind. So whilst they’re banishing other women from their mind, and technically physically not cheating, the fact they desire someone else, shows a lot, and I have male mates who have openly admitted this, when they have amazing partners. What they should be doing is being with the person they sexually desire, not the women who feels safe, prettier, etc, because the woman they crave will be the one to keep that dopamine going for a life time.

Personally for me, dating, I have no qualms at all checking someone out, all you need these days is a name and age, and you can find anything if you look in the right places.

However remember posting on these groups can lead to Death, and threats, and after my friend recently posted my experience, I then received the most awful call, and guys, blame you girls… they don’t think of their actions are what drove you or your friend to post about them, they just HATE you, but as I said to someone lately, actions lead to reactions, and this is dating 2024!

If we all took the oath of celibacy and deleted our apps for a month, the world would be a better place… and men may learn some manner, respect and most of all MORALS, because why do they need them now? They piss one girl off and hurt one girl, they take another out the next night… easy prey…

He’s just not that into you… or is he?

TheGirlWhoLeave a comment

Do you feel it’s always you sending the first text? It’s annoying as Hell isn’t it, beyond frustrating, like where are all the gentlemen hiding!

The last thing anyone wants to do is come across needy, when they could be actually the opposite, but it does get to a point of hurt, when you’re the one instigating all of the chat.

Do you wonder what would happen if you didn’t contact him? Do you worry romance will fade? Does it feel that every week, you tell yourself ‘I’m not going to text him’ , but then after a few days you end up cracking.

When you text him, and he replies, do you sit there, thinking, ‘is he just bored, is he being polite, is he with anyone? It is so hard trying to figure men out, they play games, without realising they are playing games.

Lets talk about the reasons, it could be you texting first…

1.He has a crazy busy lifestyle

It is the simplest explanation but maybe he is just busy and stressed with life, so hasn’t got the time to sit and chat. You do need to think, if he doesn’t have time to chat, then he doesn’t really have the time for a relationship… sorry to say but true.

2. He just isn’t a texter

Guys just don’t communicate like girls do, I mean a % will, but its rare, and they don’t think like we do. Us women appreciate a ‘good morning text’ , ‘good night sweet dreams’ text, but only the very few gentlemen who feel lucky to have the girl will be thoughtful enough to do this, a clear indication if a guy likes you. If a guy is really into you, he will wake up in the morning, and want to text you, will want to see whats on your instagram story from the night before, he will do it without realising.

3. He isn’t sure on his feelings towards you, so doesn’t want to lead you on

Something about you intrigues him, but he isn’t sure if you’re right, if he’s ready for a relationship, or if he just wants to carry on playing the field, so rather than flirt with you (in his eyes by texting first may make you think he’s into you more than he is) , he probably does like you, and thats why he does think like this, but remember this isn’t about you, its about him. Some guys just don’t see what goodness is in front of them, and can talk theirselves out of what could be something incredible.

For guys like this, it really is worth not texting them, if they genuinely like you they will reach out, if they don’t reach out, you have your answer, and if you do not want the latter to happen, then we need to install the ‘Hero instinct’ , new psychology, has proved men want to be your hero.. take a peek at psychologist James Bauer, he provides great insight into the concept.

4. He is deliberately dangling the carrot and enjoying it..

There are guys out there sadly, that get off on the fantasy, that this gorgeous woman (you) wants them, wants them sexually and in every way, they fantasise about bumping into you, fantasise about you sexually, and get off on the idea that they could almost (in their heads) click their fingers and you would be there. This is a power trip and should be a huge red flag, run for the hills girls, because this man has issues. He does not deserve getting in your head. You’re worth more than a fantasy fuck.

5. He just wants to date and not commit to a relationship

You have probably been here yourself , liked someone but just not enough to give updating, and it could be they end up in your archived, but sadly it kills us, when this is returned, but this is the fact of life. This i not a reflection on your worth, please remember that. It could be he just isn’t looking for a relationship with anyone, or it could be he just isn’t sure if you are right for him just yet, and maybe he thinks he should cut you off, but can’t, because maybe he does consciously like you, or maybe he just can’t nail if he does or not. Confusing hey? But that’s human emotions for you…

No girl can convince a man to be with them, what tends to happen, is stereotypical, a guy will meet an amazing woman, but over time fish around, and then start to question if girl A (YOU) are right for him, in his head he will think, no I wouldnt be interested in girl B or girl C , if I liked girl A, and then the over thinking kicks in, but then when girl B and C disappear, he starts to think why is girl A. still around, or even still on his mind. You convince a man to like you girls, he will want someone to tick every box, but over time he will suddenly be like well she ticked 8 boxed out of 10 but is so special, and sadly by this time, you’d have been swept off your feet, by someone who doesn’t have to think twice.

Infatuation in a males mind, is driven deep by a primal drive, and yes you can introduce words and play on sexual compatiability , he is driven by sexual urge first and foremost, until he has time to think about this.

6. He has recently broken up with someone, or still in love with his ex?

Men just need time, and you wouldn’t want to rush or push. aman who is in this head space.

7. Perhaps he is just scared

Maybe they do not trust women, maybe they have been hurt, maybe they are scared of getting into another ‘shit’ relationship.

Men and women can hurt each other, and he may be fearful and genuine, in not wanting to rush, or be hurt again.

8. Maybe he just is not into you?

I am truly pained writing this, I find it a struggle, but maybe it is the reality we all need to face at times. Perhaps he asked for the first date , because of that primal drive, but after that it quickly died off. Anyone can read body language, and a first date body language speaks volumes, in an ideal world, you will meet and want to kiss each other straight away, but then sadly we can meet people and be given the ick, within minutes, nothing worse.

If the first date went amazing, then its pretty clear a second date will follow within two weeks, now unless he is the tinder swindler and faked the whole chemistry of the first date, then you know you’re onto a winner, if a second date proceeds, and girls never ask for a second date, remember that.

9. He is super arrogant, and thinks you will always text first.

Oh these are the ones that say they are confident, but actually just RUDE AF. He will think he is better than you, and above you, and feels it is you who needs to chase him, walk away girls, walk away.

10. They like to play hard to get, and test you

Can. we take a moment, to just YAWNNNNNN!!! Guys like this just like to play the game on who likes each other more… they will obviously want you to really show you are into them, but sadly for most women, give it a month, and we see a boy and not a man..

He will give off this air of arrogance (he will call it confidence) , make out he has other options, just to keep us on our toes, but this man likes a woman to crave him, and likes the fact she is on her toes, again something in our primal brain that kills the attraction and respect very quickly.

SO….

Yes it is 2023 but a man expecting a woman to do all the chasing is disrespectful, and the balance isn’t right, balance is key for longevity, in a true partnership and true love, respect is what holds the love together, without this… there is nothing, so always tell yourself this..

The Game..

TheGirlWho1 Comment

The game! Here is where we go wrong, I can write this, you can read it, but honestly it won’t change you or me…

Ok…

Girl meets boy, girl and boy chat nice things, sex things, marriage things. Girl goes on a date with boy, girl and boy have sex, girl goes home smiling. Girl texts boy to thank him for an amazing night, no answer, Girl calls boy in her lunch break, no answer. Girl texts after work, with deliver report on, still no answer from boy. Girl texts boy good night. Still no answer.

Two days pass, girl texts boy a few more times, still no answer. Girl thinks, has boy died? Is boy ok? Has boy fell down a mine and needs rescuing? Girl texts boy, “are you ok?” , no answer, girl is confused! Girl logs onto instagram, searches boy, boy updated status two hours ago, pheeeew! Boy is still alive! Girl thinks, maybe girl has done something wrong? Girl texts boy, girl apologises, for something, but not sure what, still no answer from boy! Girl over thinks, girl gets upset, girl cries, girl can’t eat, girl can’t sleep, girl feels sad.

Girls great auntie dies, girl texts boy to tell boy, still no answer, it gets worse, girls pet gerbil dies, girl texts boy, still no answer, girl cries again. Girl goes back to dating website, chats to more boys, but still girl texts original boy, girl thinks, girl compares all nice guys to boy, girl texts boy, still no answer….. Girl demands answers… Still no answer..

FUCK!!! When do we stop, this is what we do!! This is what us women do, I mean surely he is interested right? Surely he liked us right? This is what girls do… 

The best of it is, this situation isn’t just about boy??!!! It’s the challenge we like. Competitive or not, this is what we do! You could be the most beautiful girl on the planet, yet this will still happen with at least 1 or 2 guys in your life time, you could run your own successful businesses, yet still you become girl who lies on the couch not knowing what is going on! As women we like to win, we like to succeed, we like to know if there is a problem, because we are super human after all, we can fix anything, yes?

It’s not the boy that’s the goal here, it’s the contact! We need it, we fantasies about it, we feel we need it, in order to function! It’s the dopamine hit, the adrenaline, the addiction. Because every-time we speak to boy our dopamine levels are increased and we like that feeling, it’s the feeling we want and desire, not always the boy. Meanwhile boy is a big headed dick, who has just had his ego inflated even more. Sorry buddy, its not you the girl is chasing!!

Deep down, we know boy is a twat, not worth our time, any man who does that, is not worth it, good banter, good sex! Check your contacts girls, there are already several replacements awaiting your attention!

However none of them are boy! Boy becomes unreachable, and as humans we aim for what we can’t have! We desire what we can’t have.. We become addicted, an adrenalin rush, it heightens our sexual desires, wanting something we can’t have! We chase the thrill…

How do we stop this? How do we stop fantasising, that boy is having a bad week, and will get in touch, turn up with flowers, and be become the one… on rare occasions, after boy has fished around, boy does return, and does become mr perfect, maybe he did like you but was scared by commitment!!! Blah blah blah, I’m calling bull shit on that! If a guy is a genuine guy, he will want you, and no-one else. If a guy can fill your world with attention and disappear and have no thought about how much you like him, then what kind of human being is this?? Ghosting is cruel AF, and I hear it happening more and more. Guys will meet a girl, like a girl, but then a) Think the grass is greener b) be scared of liking the girl c) not feel ready for commitment … its quite simple. Men are a strange species, they think with their dicks, and when that initial lust dies, they want to move on, but guaranteed if you’re a good woman, they will orbit the fuck out of you, because they may like you a lot, and be intrigued by you, but overthink the situation massively. It’s like, part of them thinks Nah she’s not for me, but then there is a part of them, that is like ‘What is it about her’ , something even they can’t figure out, but their subconscious is perhaps more keen than they realise. 

Let’s think… I mean after all, as a sex, we are constantly over thinking to! What is it about boy, that makes him so special, if you took the chase out of it.. What is left? What can big offer you… He’s already shown you he bails? He’s already when you, that you are second to his über ego, yes already shown you, that he can hurt you, without a glimpse of guilt!! Is this the kind of man you need in your life? Was he really amazing, or was it just a big fat lie! To get you in his bed!

What we need, and I speak for myself here, is a man mature enough to know what he wants in life, a man to want love and happiness, and to realise maybe he does like the girl.. but men have so much variety at the touch of a button, and this is where it all goes wrong, because a man could meet mrs right forever, but still think he wants Mrs right now, fact is most guys are closed books even to theirselves, women can mess guys heads up to, they can wrestle with the weighing everything up, they will ponder back and forth, and sometimes reach the wrong decision without realising, but so can we, its called being human. We all fuck up, it’s part of the lesson of life, we let go of diamonds, men and women, sometimes we just don’t realise what we have at the time. This has happened a few times to me, I tend to date guys who are so laid back, they’re lay flat on their backs, and they can’t keep up with me, they find me immature, too chatty, too affectionate, but then they realise when they’re married off, or back being single, that wow she was really the best! I don’t say that easily, its just fact. Lets take Dave, now its been nearly 20 years since we dated, and every now and then he pops up, i’m sure he is on my block list on IG, but considering I have been moderately behaved in my 40 years, the return ratio of people reaching out every year or two, is bloody high. Some guys, I was never romantically involved with, but just have been in my orbit 10-20 years, like a strange little fixation, maybe I just bring energy to their day, but they watch every single work story I post, because the only way they can access me is via my work profiles. Odd!! The girls have a running joke, because it always happens, and it’s like they all like to keep a check on me, I like to think i’m memorable 😉 the daft, crazy girl from the midlands. The one they let get away and regret lol!

When I mentioned in last nights post, a lot of people hide behind a fake persona, and aren’t theirselves, and become who you want them to be, or who they think you want them to be, and with me I’m me, I don’t have nothing to hide, and I want longevity in love and friendships, so I say to everyone just be yourself, don’t play games, show who you are from the start, and there will be boys that love you and boys that don’t… boys that like you, and boys that don’t!

Remember girls, boys don’t see it as game playing, their fucked up, do they want it, don’t they want it mind, but yes its games, they can’t quite give you up, but then can’t quite decide if you are a 7 or 8, the deciding number! But girls, let’s evaluate this, as much as we can like boy, do we really need that dopamine hit that much, that it makes us feel shit, do we really need to be beating ourselves up, that perhaps we got way too close?? 

I recently found myself having levels of conversations, I don’t quite think I have had before, and whilst it excited the hell out of me, and I thought, maybe there is life after my ex, I then started to think, well if he can have this conversation level with me, how many more girls is he like this with, and that scared me, because I realised , fuck I like this guy, A LOT! Then the overthinking on the return path started, what if he thinks, i’m having this level of conversation with others, and this scared me off chatting to people! I felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, shame, and quite disgusted with myself, I mean I hadn’t done anything wrong in hindsight, and in my own little Kerry world, I was really convinced something was there, and something was going to happen, so I invested and let my guard down, like I hadn’t before, and to be honest I spent a few weeks after not being able to eat or sleep, because I felt so disappointed in myself, the situation, in him, I had been blinded, thinking, this jigsaw piece actually matches on so many levels, wow, but sadly for me, (maybe I should say him tbh) he wasn’t on the same page, and I cringe with the ‘Its not you its me’ , first time for everything in life! I’m defo a sore looser and I think more so because what I felt and feel is/was genuine, but thats the thing, I guess I have never played the field so to speak, I have always been in a relationship, so never found myself in a situationship. I went on a date with another guy the other week, and all the way through, I was trying to be optimistic, see the positives, and I had , had the girls bang on, saying give it a chance, but as enjoyable as it was, I still couldn’t feel it, so I called a second date off… I just guess thats what life feels like right now, a big game, always someone dumping someone somewhere, because we’re indecisive and unsure who is right, who is wrong, who we want, who we don’t want, variety or monogamy, a good person, or a good looking person, we want packages that don’t exist, we want a human that isn’t yet on the market or possibly ever available. Social media has led us to this world of craving perfection, but does it really exist. 

Some days I know what I want, some days I change my mind, but I do know, I want me and my little boy to be happy, I don’t want to be with someone who can’t work out if they like me, my life experiences and heart deserve better than that, I am far from perfect, who is? But we are human, and beneath the falseness and external appearance, we have hearts, and anyone willing to play with those hearts, in their games, their orbiting, their ghosting, isn’t worth our time, respect and love, have to come from within, however hard it may be, however much you can look at someone and melt, they are not worth it! Save your heart and maybe , just maybe, prince charming will sweep you off your feet, maybe he will wake most days thinking off you, maybe he will think you’re worth a second date , maybe he will shower you with genuine compliments and affection, and can’t wait to hold you in his arms… and maybe just maybe, when you kiss, its something else, and a kiss both of you haven’t felt before, or in a long time, hold out your mind and body for that person….

Love 

Kerry xxx

Dating as a single parent V Dating with no kids

TheGirlWhoLeave a comment

Over 60% of Single parents want to meet someone with children of a similar age to their own, makes sense right?

However only 15% of single people without children would consider dating people with children, and this statistic reduces further so as you get to know that person.

When it comes to dating, especially app dating, people are seduced by what they see, and who they are physically attracted to, this obviously leads to chatting and then dating, so at this stage, its all fun, all smiles, all flirting!! Perfect… surely!! For the single life of people without kids!!

Now throw into the mix, the guy or girl who starts to want more, but you only have a limited amount of time, you have your child half the week, and you do want to see them, but have to be realistic! Those with kids will be more understanding, and those without kids, will like you a lot, but eventually the jealousy and issues start to creep in! Its fact!

Any parents priority is their child, and unless someone has been through the same, they are not going to truly understand, and true colours do show. We cannot be angry with someone for not understanding, why they will always be number 2 in our life, and when we date someone without children, of course initially they will say the right things ‘I love kids’ , ‘I want to date someone with kids’ , because they look at us, like we are a good loving source, we are settled, and obviously mature, because we have kids, and on top of that they fancy us, and like us, so will say they will welcome our children, however over time, the lack of spontaneity can be a huge issue, we can’t just drop our weekends, we have to cancel dates if our little one is unwell, we can’t date certain nights, because our kids. There is a whole lot for someone without children, to understand, so whilst initially it may seem like a good choice, and we hope they will understand, sadly it rarely works.

Dating as a parent, is something new, we only know how to date pre-children, and its a while other ball game, it’s new, and a difficult process to navigate.

Pre children its all about the sex, the desire, the partying together, how good you look together, now after children, we want and need all that, but the tick list just went off the frikking scale. What we really have to look at is, is this person right for my child? Dating as a parent, is not just dating for ourselves, we are dating for our ‘family’ , we are trying to find a suitor that will fundamentally become a big part of our childs life. How do we even attempt to get this right? I mean this is a huge fucking thing right? How do we know this person is a good human being! The problem with dating these days, is I see it myself time and time again, with men, and the women I work with to, people always appear nice, but after a month or two , this can fade and the real them can show, and this is the concerning factor, and in addition to this, just because someone has kids, doesn’t make them a good person either. Sound like pressure? Jesus!

We go on the most amazing date, feel the chemistry, and physically want and desire this person, but they live a party life style, have no kids, but they look soooooo good, I bet they even feel, and taste so good, every part of you wants them, desires them, but think about it, before it gets too deep, too connected, is this person right for my child/ children.

As I sit here now as a single mother, dating actually makes me feel anxious at the best of times, but seriously thinking about it, I have to be a grown up, put my big girl pants on, and think right, im dating for the two of us kid, because this is our future! I want to and need it right to get! The odds are against me, where do I find a plus 35 year old male, a good dad, into the same interests, loyal, and has kids, and would accept my kid, all whilst being a good human, hot as hell and great in bed!

As single parents, This is reality.. talking about bed time wee practice, school runs, and temper tantrums… not everyone gets it! We want to date like we’re in our 20s again, we may want to fuck about like we missed out in our 20’s and 30’s, but we are parents, and whilst we are entitled to our time, we also need to ensure we are not leading some potential on, by getting a few months or dates in and deciding they are not right for our children. The game has changed now folks! It may be our desires match a 7 but the match for our kids is a 10, we have to grow up now, be wise, and leave our own needs second!

Welcome to single parent dating…

To swipe or not to swipe.. what a mistake..

TheGirlWhoLeave a comment

You download the app, upload your very best pictures, write your bio of the shiny person you see yourself to be, and you’re off! 

You may as well be sat in the casino, it’s the hand held slot machine, dehumanising people, and un-romantizing love, desensitising us to emotions and thoughts, and us leading with our groins and the idea of spontaneous sex. The internet version of a sweet shop at your finger tips. Only the very best versions of everyone for sale…

I find myself using the apps out of boredom, my hand in continuous motion of swiping left, because realistically I don’t want to meet anyone off there.  I swipe left that quickly and constantly that I do occasionally think ‘fuck’ he was fit, and I’m certainly not paying a subscription to swipe back! 

I find with me everyone in my inbox looks like a clone of the next, 6ft+, stubble, nice eyes, floppy dark hair, tanned.. it’s quite the running theme for me. I have a type and unless people fit the type I tend to switch off very early! 

Now the difference between bumble and tinder, is bumble is about the girl making the first move, that really isn’t me! Someone once told me tinder is a hook up site, and bumble is more classy, nope… pretty much everyone inc that guy is on both sites anyway, but I prefer tinder as I prefer a guy to make the first move, in my head it sits with my kinda traditional values and wants in a guy. 

What I don’t understand is the cult like following these apps generate, the only thought and notion that this is the only way to meet someone, and sometimes in my own head I’m perplexed why I find myself thinking the same, maybe because I’m a single parent? I feel I’m in a rat race, and competition and it’s killing my soul, I’m judged at a swipe, my whole life and who I am judged by a swipe of someone’s disjointed view on reality because 80% of women are edited to fuck on there! Is it even a fair race! 

I consider myself a good person, but I find myself questioning with every session on the apps, in my head it’s a constant no, no, no, no.. it becomes boring, and when I do find a hottie, I’m like, ok is he a cat fish! 😜

A few months ago now, I kept coming across a profile of a guy who was kind of my type, but wasn’t, hard to explain, and I had this gut feeling that nope ‘judgemental, chasing 25 year olds, loves himself, fuckboy’ , but he kept popping up in my radius, and I found myself thinking just swipe right, and as bumble is, I made the first move, and looking back with how I feel now, I love and hate the fact I matched! It’s a strange one with this guy, as we have children the same age, we frequent the same coffee shop and he lived just a few miles from me pretty much the last decade, but we never crossed paths, and in all honesty, being in love with David, I never would even look at another man, so maybe I just didn’t notice him. Fast forward on 2-3 months and I’m left even after the last few weeks, feeling like I don’t want to date or talk to a man ever again! 

So conversation started and I can’t explain but something about this conversation felt perfectly safe, easy, nice, we would speak and text for hours on end, and like I said I can’t explain, it felt different. I would find myself absorbed in him, infected by a lust and addicted to his chat, hours would go by of my day, and I would be sat laughing at our whole chat. When we wouldn’t speak for a few days I found myself missing him! My friends were convinced he had a girlfriend, but nope he was single, he would just vanish for a few days, and then bounce back into my life and the chat would start all over again! 

After 3 weeks chatting we went on a date, something about his company felt different, and like I said in some ways he was my type esp height wise, but perhaps facially a little different to my norm, but I found myself so shy, so excited and so turned on in his company, I spent the whole date wanting him, thinking about wanting him, then we parted on a kiss, and left! Five minutes drive later I realised I was behind him in My car, and he asked me to follow him, the excitement was incredible and I found myself jumping in his car to kiss him, and I can honestly say it’s one of the most passionate kisses I have ever had, it left me wanting a lot more. 

From that moment on the intensity and chat grew, and I couldn’t wait to see him again, we still spoke daily, but he still wasn’t asking me for a second date, the weeks went on and my girls warned and warned me, but you know me always wants to see the good in someone, and always holding out for that belief prince charming did exist, I mean we spoke daily, pretty much, of the normal and sexual chat, so in my head, I was like he is just a busy person like me, and he must like me? We exchange pics and chat! I even found myself dropping hints and taking the mick as to when the second date will be, and still he skipped over the subject, part of me was like ‘This is ridic’ and thinking in my head, this guy is on the look out for another. Then when he was on holiday the girls said to me, check his Bumble location, as I didn’t realise it changes to where you are when you are using it, WOW to say I was crushed when I saw his location was spain was an understatement, and after thinking all night, I sent him a message to say goodbye and all the best, it coincided with a very serious issue my friend had, had over her pics being sent around, and thankfully he didn’t have anything quite like that, but still the whole episode filled me with major anxiety, and I said by goodbyes, but I found myself not being able to delete our chat or his number, so a few hours later, before he had seen the message, I was able to delete!!! This was my error, I should have walked away!! It was just so hard because he really is a good person and not your typical dick!

Now anyone who has been deeply in love with a long term ex, this will resonate, when you finally meet someone you ‘feel’ something for, the overwhelming sense of guilt, even though I have been single for so long, I felt like I was cheating on David, he is what feels like my life long love in so many ways, and I felt ashamed that I finally really liked someone else, even now I sit here with such conflicting thoughts. The ship with David has sailed, and there will always be a love, I recently asked him if he still fancied me, and he does, lol, but with family drama, he has said himself now, from my actions and his actions, too much has gone on, and in a real outside look, we know there is no future, but as father of my child, I cannot help but feel guilty, and I know thats because the love I had with him was very real.

Now back to my bumble situ, the weeks had passed, and one morning when I was an absolute shit state of a mum on the school run, I went into get my normal morning coffee, and I cannot even begin to explain what happened!!!!!! He was in there, so rather than be my normal self and bounce over to him, I mean we had spoken daily and already met, my anxiety took over and, coupled with the fact his ex knows everyone in the coffee shop, for a few moments I had a million thoughts in my head, will he appreciate me speaking to him?? Will the staff notice? Is he busy working? So I sat away, and had work to do myself, but then found myself texting him from a few tables away, feeling so foolish, thinking, I just want to, go and sit by him, but then it was time to leave, and I went and sat in the car, kicking myself, then he came up-to the passenger window, and I found myself almost back to normal with his smile, like I said, facially he wasn’t my normal type, but he has the most kindest eyes and cute face, and I cheekily asked him to get in (slightly embarrassed by the state of my car, joe and I are complete car scruffs) , I pulled around the. corner to his car, and in my head I was like, wow I look a shit state, my face is puffy from steroids, I have endo belly, and I’m in my scruffs, but at the same time, I was like no this is him, he knows me, its fine, we kissed in my car for a few mins, and he was on his way, for a few hours after we exchanged messages, and all seemed normal, then nothing… nothing for 2/3 days, I went into the coffee shop and the weirdest thing happened, I realised his ex and daughter were sat right next to me, after I heard her name called, after they left I sat there looking at the couple of messages I had sent him, and deleted them, and I drove home, then a text came through from him, asking if I had deleted them because he hadn’t been in touch, and had I got five minutes to speak! FUCK MY LIFE, in my 40 years on this planet I got my first, ‘Its not you its me’ , I listened to what he had to say, and could feel myself feeling an immense sense of being crushed, and I came off the call and sobbed, almost like a boyfriend had broken up with me, then I was crying, because I felt stupid, I mean what even was it, why was I so connected to him, why did it weirdly feel like it was something, when really it hadn’t been, but like my friends told me, chatting to someone daily for hours on end, is like a relationship, label or not, 2 whole months of this, not just a few weeks! Its been 2/3 weeks now, and its beyond crushed me, because I genuinely like the guy, and he said we are not on the same page, and he wants to be on his own, which is clearly ‘Ive met someone else’ or ‘I don’t fancy you’ , because if someone likes someone, they make time and they want to be in your life and you in theres, its just fact! I stepped away and didn’t speak to him for a while, but I found myself missing him, missing his chat, and the other day he hinted I must have dates lined up, (talk about friendzone comment), and I just said nope, you’ve put me off men, what I really wanted to say was, ‘I’ve fallen for you so much’, …but hey I’m not that much of a dick, he isn’t stupid, he knows , he’s just a nice guy, who tried to dress up hurting me with the ‘Its not you its me’ , because like my gut told me, he’s probably the type of guy going after 25 year old influencers.

…..And this folks is the reality of internet dating, everyone the majority of times ends up on the wrong page, driven by lust and desire, because after all we are driven by chemical reaction, and not the person behind the image, the sad thing about us women, is we want to believe the good in people, especially if any of you are like me, and when we chat and get on so so well with someone, it almost sets a foundation for ‘what ifs’ to creep in. I can’t say what the hell happened to me on this one, and perhaps now i’m still delusional thinking, that kind of connection is rare, but however much it was real on my side, it wasn’t for him, and reality is he’s probably like that with everyone he swipes right on. The only thing I’m left with is ‘what a shame’ if anything was ever real on his side, we didn’t even have sex or get intimate, which knowing me, would have solidified a big yey or ney, but after a few months, I really did think, that was the next step.

When everyone says to me, “Forget him, there are plenty more, look at your matches,” I just cannot act like that. My friends love me because they are brutally honest. One of my best friends even said, “You probably feel more guilty because you were with your ex for so long.” I guess that is true to some extent, but whatever we were, this guy and I, it was genuine for me. I’ll still feel the same a few weeks on. And when this week he asked what my plans were, I was romanticizing of him asking me out, or to see me, but I find a lot of his chat weirdly made me feel like that, so maybe all along it was in my head, and the sexy talk time, was a means to an end to pass his lunch hour..

So ladies, what are your thoughts on app dating, what are your stories? Has this ever happened to you? Have you fallen for a stranger? Lets share our dating app stories, have you fallen for someone who has given you the ‘Its not you its me’ ??? Very interested to hear…